DEAR ABBY: A close relative has started working in the adult industry. She now dresses provocatively, showing lots of skin. She has also covered much of her body with tattoos and adopted the lifestyle of someone in that field. Our family assumes she's "going through a phase" and has no idea what she's really up to.

I have two small children I don't really want around her, but I'm not sure how to handle the situation. I don't want to tell her mom what she's really doing, but at the same time, I don't want my kids thinking that's how people in society are. Please help. -- NERVOUS IN NEW YORK

DEAR NERVOUS: If you no longer want to be around this person, no law says you have to be. If your relatives ask you about your absence, tell them the reason. If they don't, don't tattle. This isn't an emergency; rest assured her parents will find out eventually.

As to her being a bad influence on your children, take this as an opportunity for a teachable moment about people coming in "different packaging" and not judging a book by its cover.

DEAR ABBY: I'm confused and not sure what to do. I'm a 32-year-old single mom who is a hopeless romantic. I've been seeing someone for six months. He is already talking about marriage and a happily ever after, which I am ready for.

The downside is, not long after we started dating, I met someone who makes me question everything. He's someone I can't actually be with because -- yes, he's married. I'm disgusted with myself for allowing this to happen, but the minute our eyes met, my heart skipped a beat.

What I'm asking is, do I settle for the guy I've been dating because that's what I'm ready for? He's a great guy who cares a lot about my daughter and me. I can be a faithful and loving wife, which he wants. Or should I let him go because my heart truly isn't there? Please help me, even though I don't deserve it. -- SETTLING DOUBTS

DEAR SETTLING: Warning: Heartbreak ahead. Although you say you are ready for marriage and happily ever after, I don't think it's true. I can't warn you strongly enough not to marry one man while in your heart you yearn for someone else. It's a recipe for disaster, and the collateral damage will be not only Mr. Six Months but also your child.

DEAR ABBY: I received a drunken text from my son's friend telling me my son is gay. It rambled on about their relationship. I decided not to question my son about it because, if it is true, it won't change our relationship. It really doesn't matter to me. They live in another state.

This is a dilemma because I worry about this "friend" not being trustworthy. Is this my business? Should I tell my son? What if he gets upset? -- TAKEN ABACK

DEAR TAKEN: You should absolutely have a talk with your son about the text you received. Ask him if what the friend said is true, and if it is, why you didn't hear it from him. Don't be angry or accusatory. Just be sure to assure him how much you love him and that your feelings for him have not changed. He may need to hear you verbalize it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has less and less interest in me. It started with the last presidential election. Since then, I have cut way back on politics because he doesn't want to hear any of it. Being an activist on several fronts, including politics and other areas, this is a big, emotional part of who I am. I get so upset by his silences that I stop talking to him completely.

I'm spent from feeling so lonely, so unworthy of love, helpless, hopeless and powerless. I can't take this much longer. He says he wants to be with me, and he has just started private therapy. I, too, am in therapy.

I was ready to draw up divorce papers when I suddenly changed my mind. I told him I'd wait a year for him to have his therapy, and then we'd review everything we had learned and proceed from there.

Have I made a mistake? Right now, I can't stand to be around him. He can be the world's greatest giver, but other times he's a selfish, insensitive, arrogant know-it-all. I don't know if I'm still in love with him. Does this proposed one-year respite have any chance of working? -- SAD WIFE IN BUFFALO

DEAR WIFE: Yes, it does. It appears that in the midst of your pain and turmoil you experienced a brief moment of clarity. Your decision to give your husband -- and yourself -- a year of therapy and then revisit the issue of divorce was both wise and brilliant. You married each other for a reason; now give yourselves a chance to remember what it was.

DEAR ABBY: New neighbors moved in a few doors down from us. A few weeks later, they hosted an open house and invited about 15 families from the homes closest to theirs. They served food and graciously gave everyone a tour of the home, which had been completely renovated.

My husband and I arrived about the same time as another neighbor, and the three of us visited with our hostess. As she rolled out the red carpet, the other neighbor proceeded to talk about the history of the home -- who had lived there and what the house had been like when she visited there as a friend of the previous owners.

She then announced that the man who owned the home years ago had committed suicide -- in the home. The hostess maintained a gracious stance, but my husband and I were horrified. Should the neighbor be told that her comment was inappropriate? -- HORRIFIED IN THE EAST

DEAR HORRIFIED: Because the comment may have cast a pall over the housewarming, it was inappropriate. However, it may not have come as a complete surprise to the new owners. In the state where I reside, real estate agents are required by law to disclose that there had been a death in the house (suicide, murder), which might affect the value of the property. If you feel the need to say something to the neighbor who made that tasteless comment, by all means do so.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: Yom Kippur, the day of atonement, begins at sundown. During this 24-hour period, observant Jewish people fast, engage in reflection and prayer, and formally repent for any sin that might have been committed during the previous Hebrew year. To all of you -- may your fast be an easy, but meaningful, one.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Bill," and I have been happily married for 22 years and have two very active, beautiful children. Our oldest daughter has been playing on a traveling soccer team for the last five years. Bill and I go all over the country to watch her play and have become very close to the head coach, "Marla," and her family.

I recently learned through another parent that Bill dated Marla for three years prior to us getting married. This parent informed me the relationship between Bill and Marla was so serious they had discussed marriage.

When I heard it, I was very upset. I couldn't understand why my husband would keep that information from me all this time. When I asked him, he said it was true, but he hadn't felt it had been necessary to tell me.

Bill hasn't always been the greatest communicator, but I think this has crossed the line. I feel I have been misled and lied to. He acted as if he had never even met her. It makes me wonder how many other secrets he's hiding from me.

I'm having a hard time trusting him now, and I feel there's something seriously wrong with our relationship. I'm also uncomfortable around Marla and her family. I wonder if her husband knows about their relationship. Do I have the right to be upset about this situation? -- KEPT IN THE DARK

DEAR KEPT: You have the right to be upset -- and angry -- about the deception. If you want to know if Marla's husband knows what went on between her and your husband, ask her. Perhaps she can fill you in on what else your husband "forgot" to mention.

Bill appears to have a large character flaw, and the two of you appear to have a serious communication problem. Before this damages your marriage further, you and Bill should schedule some sessions with a licensed marriage and family therapist. If he stonewalls or refuses to go with you, go without him.

DEAR ABBY: My aunt and uncle from another state still send me a birthday check every year for my birthday, which is generous and thoughtful of them. While the sum is not large, I feel it is not necessary, and it makes me uncomfortable. I'm in my late 20s now and have a good job with a good income.

How do I politely tell them that while I appreciate their kindness, it is not necessary to send their adult niece a check every year? I'm not particularly close with them and am afraid of offending. -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: From your description of your aunt and uncle, they are thoughtful, caring people, so when you talk to them, express your gratitude for their generosity. Then suggest that because you are now an adult, with a good job and a good income, you think it might be time to consider exchanging only greeting cards on special occasions. Of course, this means you will be sending them cards for their birthdays, anniversary and Christmas, if you don't already do it.