life

Mom's Questionable Behavior Has Eroded Daughter's Trust

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 13th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My mother did something very disrespectful. She picked up my former boyfriend and took him to her house, saying she needed help with her curtains or something. He said when she came back in the room, she just had on a slip, like she was trying to seduce him. When I asked her if what he said about her was true, she replied, "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't." Not long after that, I began distancing myself from her.

After I got married, she told a relative she didn't believe my baby daughter was my husband's. I was understandably upset. When I questioned her about it, she was shocked because she didn't know my cousin had told me. Right now, I don't care to be around her. I still send her cards for her birthday and Christmas, but I don't trust her anymore. What should I do? -- CAN'T TRUST MY MOTHER

DEAR CAN'T TRUST HER: It's sad, but not all parents are loving and supportive. In fact, some of them are toxic. Your mother appears to be one of the latter, so listen to your gut. Continue to be respectful, as you have been doing, but also continue to keep your distance. And if you are tempted to confide in her about anything private, don't do it.

Family & Parenting
life

Couple Must Choose Between Practical and Unusual Names for Children

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 13th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have decided to start a family, and the topic of names arose. My wife, who was born and raised in India, is insisting on Indian names for our children. The problem is they are often difficult to pronounce and spell. I'm not opposed to Indian middle names, but think traditional "Western" names may be more suitable, since we will live in the United States. How can I make my wife understand that having "unusual" names makes certain aspects of kids' lives more difficult? -- MAKING LIFE EASY

DEAR MAKING: Your wife's concept of giving the children Indian names is lovely. However, practically speaking, I agree with you. Popular names in one country can cause problems for a child living in another one. Not only can foreign names be difficult to pronounce and spell, but they can also cause a child to be teased unmercifully. Sometimes the name can be a problematic word in the English language. And one that sounds beautiful in a foreign language can be grating in English.

I hope your wife will rethink this. Why saddle a kid with a name he or she will have to explain or correct with friends, teachers and fellow employees from childhood into adulthood?

Family & Parenting
life

Old Report Cards Reveal More Than Grades

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 13th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: A month ago, while in the process of moving, I found some of my brother's old report cards from elementary school 60 years ago. His teacher reported behavior issues, but by the end of the school year, she reported improvement. My brother is a successful businessman now with a family. Should I give him the report cards or discard them? -- BIG SIS IN OHIO

DEAR BIG SIS: Call your brother and tell him what you found. The two of you could have a good laugh about it. Then ask him what he wants done with his old report cards and do as he requests.

Family & ParentingWork & School
life

Man's Social Anxieties Prolong His Loneliness

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 12th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: When I was a teenager, there were many times when I made things awkward. It continues today. I try to have normal conversations with people, but when I do, I have nothing to say. My mind goes blank, so I keep quiet and walk away. I feel like the odd person out each time and like I'm not good enough, and it really sucks.

The only time I'm successful socially with people is at work because I'm kind of forced to be. I really want to make friends and possibly get a girl in my life, but it's almost impossible to do with my social skills. This is so depressing and disappointing that I'm almost ready to quit trying. I need some tips and guidance. Do you have any? -- FRUSTRATED GUY IN FAIRBANKS

DEAR FRUSTRATED GUY: I think so. If you think you are alone in having this problem, you are mistaken. The majority of people have the same insecurities you do. No one is born knowing how to be social. Social adeptness is a skill like any other. It can be learned and, with some practice and effort, polished until it becomes second nature.

You don't have to be handsome to be well-groomed. You don't have to be brilliant or witty, either. Part of being social is showing an interest in other people. Ask them about what they think and encourage them to share their interests and opinions. And when they tell you, be a good listener. Cultivate your own interests and you will have something to talk about with others.

My booklet "How to Be Popular" contains tips on how to approach others, and what to say and what not to say when trying to make conversation. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mt. Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. When you receive it, don't read it just once. Keep it on hand for reference because it contains many helpful suggestions about how to be the kind of individual others find interesting and attractive. Be courteous and show kindness to others. If you do these things, you will find the results you're looking for.

Love & DatingWork & SchoolFriends & Neighbors
life

Adult Children Try to Dictate Who Dad Dates

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 12th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I was divorced three years ago after being married for 28 years. My ex-wife and I had spent the previous 10 years in counseling. I currently go to post-divorce counseling, and my counselor agrees that I was mistreated by my ex and our adult children, who treated me more like an employee.

I have begun seeing a much younger woman, and two of my kids say any relationship with them is predicated on my dating someone "my own age." I feel this is wrong, and that it's a continuation of them treating me as a servant/dad, versus as a person. My counselor suggests walking away for a bit, to establish new boundaries. Your thoughts? -- BUTLER DAD IN TEXAS

DEAR DAD: I think you should listen to your therapist.

Marriage & DivorceLove & DatingFamily & Parenting
life

Jealousy, Misunderstanding Chip Away at Relationship

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 11th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I love each other very much. But we are both so jealous we fight every day. The only time we get along is during sex and right after.

Recently, he found an email I had written when we first got together in reply to a message I had received about becoming an escort. I didn't follow through with it, and I have never cheated. I was broke at the time, and he had just been sent back to prison. I didn't know what to do.

How can I earn his trust and keep our relationship from becoming toxic? -- TRYING TO MAKE IT WORK

DEAR TRYING: If the only time you and your boyfriend get along is during sex or right after, your relationship is already toxic. Rather than fight and accuse each other of infidelity every day, couples in healthy relationships build each other up and support one another. Total honesty between partners is essential. If he can't believe what you tell him, there can be no love, because there is no trust.

Love & DatingSex & GenderMoney
life

Depression Drives Teen to Thoughts of Suicide

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 11th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl and I hate my family. I have had an eating disorder for three years, and my parents haven't noticed. (It doesn't show because I'm regular-sized.) I think my parents hate me. They try to stuff me into a mannequin shell that doesn't fit. It's like I am a doll and not a person. I don't know what to do, and I am suicidal. But when I think about all the ambitions I have, I'm able to withstand another day, even though it is hard. Please help me. -- DEPRESSED TEEN IN WASHINGTON

DEAR TEEN: Because you feel your parents may not take you seriously, be brave and tell a trusted teacher or counselor at school everything you have written to me, including your thoughts of suicide. Eating disorders can be very serious, and they are not always obvious. Because your feelings of depression are so strong that you sometimes feel you can't go on, you need more help than an advice columnist can give you in a letter. Please don't wait, and please let me hear from you again.

TeensMental Health
life

Pet Owners Test the Limits of Bringing Dogs With Them Everywhere

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 11th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: When did it become someone's right to walk into a business with a pet? People walk in and never ask. Some of those animals hike their leg, and their owners giggle and never offer an apology or to clean it up. Dogs have jumped up on other customers while their owners stood there and said, "Don't worry. He won't bite." The last customer came in with a full-grown German shepherd!

I've gone through training on service animals, and these are definitely not service animals. What happened to common courtesies? -- TAKEN ABACK IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: The demise of common courtesies happened right around the time when people began believing they were the exception to the rules. When ADA legislation was passed, it was so that people with disabilities would have access to things that able-bodied people take for granted. What you are experiencing is an abuse of that law by dishonest, uncaring individuals who have no sense of shame.

Etiquette & Ethics

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Dragonfly Escort
  • Forgotten Salves
  • Lucky Squirrel
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
  • Sister Is a Big Summertime Drinker
  • Reliable Worker Bears Brunt of Supervisor's Anger
  • Sister's Proud Mom Social Media Boasting Rubs LW the Wrong Way
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2022 Andrews McMeel Universal