DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who's 22 and has two children, which I helped her to deliver. She is also my neighbor. Since she moved in and divorced her husband, my husband and I have watched her make bad choices over and over again, starting with the derelict men she dates to the way she gets drunk, then drives her paper route at night. She blows her money on tattoos and then asks us for food. It's become exhausting.

She's now dating another man who's obviously using her. I have a hard time not telling him off when I see him. He won't get a job and he keeps her in perpetual relationship limbo, which forces her to focus all her attention on him and neglect her children and home.

What can I do? I value her so much I lose sleep. She constantly posts on social media that she's lonely and everyone always leaves her, but she gets mad at me for telling her where she keeps going wrong. Why can't she understand that she's doing this to herself? How can I help her see her errors, so she can move on from this awful phase? -- CARING FRIEND IN FLORIDA

DEAR CARING FRIEND: Your friend has a job. If she weren't supporting her boyfriend, she would be able to support herself and her children. The more you give her, the more reliant she will become on your handouts.

Take it from a professional: The most unwelcome advice is that which is unasked for, which is why she gets angry when you try to tell her what she's doing wrong. She doesn't want to hear it. The way to get someone like this to recognize her "errors" is to stop trying to save her from them.

You can't fix what's wrong in her life -- only she can do that -- so step back. If you really think her children are going hungry, contact child protective services, so those kids can get the help they need.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are both 68. We have been engaged for a year now. When we shopped for an engagement ring, we also purchased wedding bands because the jewelry store was having a sale.

Because of our ages, I have come to feel that there is no compelling reason to get married. It would be a big legal hassle, and there's no reason why we just cannot live together. He agrees. However, we have made a commitment to each other, and I call him my husband and he calls me his wife.

My question is, would it be OK for us to wear the wedding bands, even though we are not legally married? I wonder if other couples have done this having made that commitment to each other. Your thoughts? -- HAPPILY TOGETHER

DEAR HAPPILY: No law forbids the two of you from wearing wedding rings and calling yourselves married. Others have done it. In some states, after a period of time, the arrangement would become a common-law marriage. However, before making a final decision to do this, you and your fiance should discuss it with a lawyer. There are certain guarantees and benefits to being legally wed, because spouses have rights of inheritance and decision-making in case of illness that unwed couples do not enjoy.

DEAR ABBY: My 3-year-old grandson hurts animals. He's intelligent and articulate. He understands many concepts about all kinds of things. Frankly, I'm scared. It's because he is so intelligent and high-functioning. I feel he should have more empathy than he does.

He has been doing this off and on for the last couple of years. My daughter, my husband and I have been discouraging it the whole time. He gets timeouts, stern talks and toys taken away. It doesn't work. My daughter has started swatting his bottom or his leg hoping he will understand it is unacceptable. She isn't comfortable hitting him and neither am I. My grandson knows better. I know he does.

My daughter called me this afternoon, upset because he hurt their dog again. Must we get rid of these pets? No one wants to do that. When is it too much? How can we make it stop? -- AGHAST IN ALABAMA

DEAR AGHAST: It is already "too much." Your grandson's behavior isn't normal. Because he seems unable to appropriately interact with these helpless animals, he shouldn't be allowed to be around them without constant supervision. For the dog's own safety, another home should be found for it before it's hurt again.

Your grandson may be acting out of anger, because he has been physically or sexually abused himself or has witnessed domestic violence. This is why it's extremely important he be seen by a licensed mental health professional, who can advise his parents -- and you -- about how this should be handled. Without intervention, the boy's behavior could escalate, and he could seriously injure another child.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 64-year-old woman; my sister is 68. A few months ago, she was shopping and saw a man who looked EXACTLY like our father. (Dad passed away in 2008.) A conversation ensued, and he subsequently came to visit her at her home. He's 69. She snapped a picture of him and sent it to me, and the resemblance is uncanny. He was born in the same state as our father, was adopted and never knew his birth parents. We never had a brother; it was always just the two of us and our parents. She wants me to meet him.

He's married and doesn't want to tell his family about us. I would be happy to meet him, brother or not, but I need to know the truth before getting involved. It would be too weird for me to just wonder. He seems reluctant to take the DNA test. My sister and I are in the AncestryDNA system already, so it would be easy for us all to confirm. What should I do? -- GETTING INVOLVED

DEAR GETTING INVOLVED: Because this man doesn't want his family to know he may have siblings, is reluctant to take the test and you would prefer not to meet him unless you know his status, do nothing. The next move should be his.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance is in a group chat with a dozen of his friends. They are all professional men in their 30s with families. They regularly send each other pornographic images. This includes the group "icon," which appears to be a solicited picture of a woman's behind with the group name written on it with permanent marker. My fiance claims the image is "photoshopped" and that he doesn't look at the pictures. This disturbs me.

I think my fiance should tell his friends not to send these images and to change the group icon. My fiance disagrees. He says it hurts no one and it's OK to do in a private chat. I don't think it's so private since this is on the phones they use in public and it's in a group chat. It also hurts women by distilling their worth to looks.

Hasn't the #MeToo movement and ongoing shift in our culture shown it is sometimes men's responsibility to end this "boys' club" culture? I want my fiance to talk to his friends since they all live apart, but I want to convince him he should take a stand against this degrading attitude toward women's images. -- TIRED OF BEHINDS

DEAR TIRED: Your fiance is not going to change his friends' behavior by doing what you are pushing him to do. I have it on good authority that this is not uncommon behavior among "guys" these days, the equivalent of old-time barber shop talk, reading men's magazines and looking at Playmate calendars -- all of which have been transported to the digital platform. The members of the chat may talk about sports, cars and tech gadgets as well as about women -- typical things men discuss when they're together. Unless they are using their phones to solicit extracurricular sex, I don't think you should be censoring their use of them.

DEAR ABBY: Our 25-year-old granddaughter is engaged to be married to another woman very soon. Her parents told us she is gay a few years ago. She's very independent and will soon have her medical degree. She has been away at college. When she's home she visits us, but we have never been able to talk about it with her.

She knows we don't condone something we believe is wrong. We are torn between going along or continuing to ignore the issue. Can you help? -- NOT IN FAVOR IN KENTUCKY

DEAR NOT IN FAVOR: If you feel you can change your granddaughter's sexual orientation by telling her you disapprove of her being gay, forget it. It won't work and may drive a permanent wedge between you. It might be helpful if you talk to her and let her explain that her sexual orientation isn't something she "chose" -- it's part of who she is: an intelligent, caring, accomplished individual who is dedicating her life to helping others. While it may be hard for you, keep an open mind and listen to what she has to say.