DEAR ABBY: I'm 32 and have been dating my boyfriend, "Jerome," for five years. We both have successful careers and lives of our own. However, when we visit his family who live in the area, I'm subjected to "baby talk" from his mother. She's a wonderful woman who loves her family dearly, but she can't seem to converse with any of us without pitching her voice up an octave and talking in sentences as if we are 5 years old.

In addition, she insists on calling her son every day to ask how his day is going or check on him if he hasn't been feeling well, again with a baby voice. I am at my wits' end. Jerome has addressed the issue several times with her and his father, but it never gets better. His father says that's who she is, and it won't change.

His parents now wonder why I seem so unhappy when I'm around them and think I don't like them. But I'm just tired of the disrespect, and I don't like that they expect me to accept the baby talk. Please help. -- ALL GROWN UP IN HOUSTON

DEAR ALL GROWN UP: I am inclined to agree with your boyfriend's father. This is the way his wife is.

Part of the problem may be that you are complaining to the wrong people about the way she talks to you. Because you seem unable to change the way you feel, and it's affecting how you behave toward your boyfriend's parents, tell her as diplomatically as possible that you feel disrespected when she uses baby talk with you. It's better than sulking, which may be why they think you don't like them -- and appears to be half-true.

DEAR ABBY: I have had an internship in a new city this summer. My dad's friend has kindly allowed me to stay in his home while he's away on a long vacation. He told me I can watch his movies, use his TV, and even have friends visit and sleep on the couch. I am very grateful for his generosity.

He left for his vacation in a rush, and at eye-level on the DVD shelf he has a pornographic movie. I have nothing morally against it, but I think it's something he would be uncomfortable with me seeing.

A friend is coming to visit me next week, and I don't know what to do about the DVD. What would respect his privacy more: if I don't touch the film, or if I flip it over to hide the spine? -- SURPRISED GUEST

DEAR SURPRISED: Put the DVD in a drawer and make a note on your calendar to yourself to replace it where it was before your host returns from his trip.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is on her third marriage to a pretty nice guy, but she's also in regular contact with her first husband by text, email and phone. And now, her present husband is also in contact with an ex-girlfriend (hanging out, having lunch, etc.). What part of this picture am I not getting? -- SUSPICIOUS MOM AND IN-LAW IN ARIZONA

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: I'd say your vision is 20/20 or better. If your daughter's track record holds, marriage No. 3 is in the ninth inning, and the "players" are about to strike out.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have a disagreement about when a person should be allowed to get up from the table. We have an 8-month-old son whom we both want to grow up to have good manners. We know he'll soon be out of his high chair and become squirmy and not want to stay seated.

My wife was raised to stay seated and be excused only after everyone is finished eating -- holding everyone hostage until the last person is finished and extending dinnertime up to an hour or more. I feel it's excessive, and a child would have a hard time sitting still that long.

When she was little, her parents tied her to her chair so she couldn't get up until everyone finished eating. I was raised to ask to be excused after I was finished, but was welcome to stay and socialize if I liked.

In my opinion, dinner should last about 30 minutes so there's time to finish chores around the house. I agree that coming to the table and leaving after 10 minutes is rude because the cook has taken great care to prepare the meal and may feel insulted if the diner gets up too quickly. Long dinners may have been acceptable in Jane Austen's day, but not in today's fast-paced world. -- HIGH CHAIR HOSTAGE

DEAR HIGH CHAIR: Your wife appears to be extremely rigid. On the plus side, she appreciates the importance of family dinners in the home. I agree that children should be taught table manners, however, tying a kid to a chair is considered child abuse these days, and I don't recommend it.

Modern parents recognize that small children have short attention spans and compensate for it in various ways. When a child is old enough to understand, the rules should be spelled out. If the children are in another person's home or a public place, materials should be provided so the child can entertain him- or herself while the adults make conversation. If the child needs to get up and move around, he or she should be accompanied by a parent so other diners won't be interrupted.

If a meal at home is going to be a long one, the child should be allowed to be excused from the table as you were. And because you are an adult, you should have the freedom to leave the table if you wish, too.

DEAR ABBY: A woman in my social circle has called me a know-it-all and accused me of making her feel stupid. She has refused to accept my apology, canceled our carpools to events and has started challenging me at every turn of any conversation.

I no longer feel comfortable accepting invitations to gatherings in her home, but frequent encounters with her are unavoidable. How should I handle confrontations with her in the future? -- TRAUMATIZED TEXAN

DEAR T.T.: There shouldn't be any "confrontations." When you see the woman, be pleasant and keep your distance. If she tries to start an argument, tell her the problem is hers and you don't intend to make it yours -- period. Then, if there are others present, devote your time to them.

DEAR ABBY: I am 17 and my sister, "Cheryl," is 16. She likes wearing flannel shirts, black leggings or jeans everywhere, especially to school, because they are comfortable. Sometimes she even wears sweatpants and a T-shirt.

Our stepmom tells her she looks like a lesbian and that she gets one day out of the school week to dress like a "slob," and the rest of the days she has to dress nice. By "nice" she means an outfit that looks cute by her standards. It means no "lesbian-looking" flannels and, instead, a lacy blouse or a patterned top.

Cheryl argues that she's just going to school, a lot of other kids dress that way and nobody cares. My stepmom argues that she cares, and she thinks the way Cheryl looks at school is a reflection on her (my stepmom), which makes her look bad. My dad doesn't say anything because he's low-key and agrees with her, but he isn't as vocal or mean about it.

My sister doesn't like being called a lesbian, and it makes me really mad, but my stepmom is mean and will find some way to ground me out of spite if I argue with her about it. What do I do? -- DON'T WANT TO ARGUE

DEAR DON'T WANT TO ARGUE: Your stepmother appears to be a homophobe. The only way your sister's attire could reflect on your stepmother would be if she went to school unwashed and wearing soiled, tattered clothing. Not all lesbians dress in the same style; some are very feminine. If Cheryl were a lesbian, it would be nothing to be ashamed of.

Children who are called names and bullied as your stepmother is doing can become depressed to the point of self-harm or risky behavior. Because you are afraid you will be punished if you speak up, find a teacher or counselor at school you can confide in about what's going on. Your parents could benefit from an intervention -- and so could Cheryl.

DEAR ABBY: I have been overweight more than half my life. I have tried many diets and exercise plans, and invariably I gain all those pounds back. I'm planning to have gastric sleeve surgery as soon as my surgeon can fit me into his schedule.

Although I have gone through all of the required office visits with my primary care provider, I haven't made a final decision because I'm nervous about it. No one in my family knows except my husband.

My parents are elderly and probably would hate it and worry about me, so I don't want them to know. As for my children, I know they won't like it, but I don't mind their knowing. I will (hopefully) lose 60 to 70 pounds.

Should I tell them in advance or wait until it becomes obvious? I'm a private person and don't want anyone outside my immediate family knowing about this. I certainly don't want any negative or snarky remarks from neighbors or my church family.

Am I being ridiculous, selfish or silly? If I don't disclose, how will I explain how I lost the weight if someone asks without spilling my secret? -- READY FOR A CHANGE DOWN SOUTH

DEAR READY: A way to do that would be to reply, "I have made the decision not to discuss my weight anymore. Please respect that."