DEAR ABBY: I'm 22, and my boyfriend wants sex, but I absolutely do not. I don't feel sexual desire -- not at all. I'm asexual, but he refuses to believe me and insists my "past relations have scarred me" and that I "need to get over it."

When I was 17, I was raped by my ex-boyfriend, and I admit it traumatized me. But that isn't what my problem is. I honestly don't feel any need for sex. I never have.

This has become a serious problem for us because my boyfriend keeps pushing for it. Last year, we had sex on his birthday, but I froze up. I couldn't make myself refuse -- just as I didn't consent -- but he doesn't seem to understand that.

His birthday is coming up soon and he wants to have sex again, but like I've said, I don't. What am I supposed to do? I can't force myself to feel lust. It isn't there. Please help me. -- NO DESIRE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR NO DESIRE: Whether your lack of desire is related to the rape or you are naturally asexual is something no one can answer without a mental health professional seeing and evaluating you. However, I can unequivocally say this: If you don't want to have sex, pay attention to your feelings and don't do it.

There has been some conjecture that because we live in such an oversexualized society that some individuals have become desensitized to it. However, because of your sexual history, it might benefit you to find a rape counseling center and talk to a counselor to ensure that the sexual assault didn't cause or contribute to this.

DEAR ABBY: After dating a guy I'll call Charlie for two years, I broke up with him. It was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I know I can't change anything, but now we have started talking again, and Charlie told me he had planned to propose to me the day I dumped him.

We have been discussing starting over again together. He's about to go across the country for college, and he asked me to move with him. Of course I said yes! It would be a perfect way to start fresh.

When I asked Charlie when we'd make us official, he said he has to focus on college first. I don't want to wait two to four years to begin our lives. Why would he want me to move with him and hold off being official if we're going to be together in the end? And what's the difference between being his fiancee moving with him and being a "friend" moving with him? I'm really upset, and I don't want to lose him again. -- STARTING OVER IN THE EAST

DEAR STARTING OVER: The difference between being a girlfriend who goes with him to college and being Charlie's fiancee is night and day. What do you plan to do when you get there? Get a job? Go to college, too? Who is going to support you financially on this adventure?

As a girlfriend, you will have far less status than if you were engaged. If he met someone else, you could be discarded like a gum wrapper along the highway of life. Please talk to your parents or some other adult relatives about this. As Charlie has made clear, he isn't ready for marriage -- or even a committed relationship. You may not want to lose him, but the surest way to do that would be to do what you are planning.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 35-year-old gay man who has been in a serious relationship for five years. During the last year, my significant other, "Grady," has grown very close with a female co-worker of mine he met at my office party. (I'll call her Tina.) They have become inseparable, and when they aren't hanging out, he's constantly texting and calling her.

At first I didn't have a problem with it, but lately I'm getting some strange vibes. Grady always said he was never attracted to women, but I have caught him ogling Tina when she's at our pool in her bikini. He acts like a jealous boyfriend when men approach her and even ran off a couple she briefly dated.

Yesterday there was a fire in the building where I work, and everyone was forced to evacuate. Last night I discovered that when Grady heard it on the radio, he left his job to come and get Tina and drive her home. Not once did he attempt to contact me to see how I was doing.

When I confronted him, he argued that Tina doesn't have a car (which is true), and said he was worried because she's "just a kid." But, Abby, she's not a kid. Tina is 25 years old and capable of calling a taxi or asking for a ride. I told him that rather than leave work, he could have called me and asked me to drive her home. Later he admitted that she hadn't tried to contact him -- that his worry drove him to come and get her, which indicates to me that something more is going on.

Am I overreacting like he says, or should I be worried I'm about to lose my man? -- JEALOUS IN TEXAS

DEAR JEALOUS: Grady does seem fixated on Tina. I have heard of straight men repressing their homosexual feelings until they are middle-aged, so I suppose it's possible for a gay man to discover that he's bisexual. That said, I'm not sure you are overreacting. Whether Tina is a threat to your relationship only he can answer.

If Grady is willing to go with you, relationship counseling should be available at your nearest gay and lesbian community center. I suggest this because the two of you may need an unbiased referee to prevent an honest conversation about your feelings from degenerating into an argument.

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws (whom I love) stay with us twice a year and we entertain them while they're here. Whenever they are in town, my husband's ex-wife insists on meeting them for lunch.

It has been 10 years since my husband and his ex were divorced. They have adult children. Her inclusion hurts my feelings, and I suspect my in-laws are just afraid of hurting the ex's feelings. She is remarried, too. How would you feel? -- TIRED OF IT IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TIRED: I would feel less threatened than you apparently do, and this is how I would handle it: I'd keep the visit positive, and realize the ex is ancient history. I would not let her presence ruin the visit. Your in-laws are adults. If they didn't want to see her, they would find a way to tell her that they couldn't fit her in. If necessary, I would also remind myself that their having lunch with her has nothing to do with the relationship they have with me, which is what I recommend you do.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "James" for almost a year. Things have been rough for him recently. His depression has led to school attendance issues, but we got through it.

The problem is James' mother. She's well meaning, and she has always been incredibly sweet to me, but she has started texting and questioning me about how I am doing, regarding her son and the "trials" he brings to our relationship (or her perception of them). I appreciate her concern, but it makes me very uncomfortable.

Perhaps she asks out of concern for me, but it seems like she's trying to speak on his behalf or defend him somehow, which makes me feel awful. How can I explain to her that something which is meant to be as simple as "Are you doing OK?" is hurting me? -- TWISTED UP

DEAR TWISTED UP: If James' depression is severe enough that it is interfering with his education, his mother has a right to be concerned. She may be trying to assess its severity by reaching out to you. On the other hand, "How are you doing?" can be classified as an innocent question.

Because you are uncomfortable with the way these conversations are going, respond that you are fine and ask her how she is doing. You do not have to engage in conversations with anyone who makes you uncomfortable, and if someone ventures into sensitive territory, you have every right to say you prefer not to discuss it and change the subject. If she wants information about her son, the person she should be asking is him.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is still working, although he will retire in a few years. We have been in our home since 1987. It is comfortable, but it's too big for us and too much work now. Our grandkids live four hours away, and we are thinking about moving near them. My son's in-laws have already relocated from New York.

I am having terrible anxiety about leaving my home and our large lot, which is covered with beautiful trees in all seasons. We have looked at "over-55" communities, and the yards are small and treeless. I love my trees -- especially the magnolia my husband and sons planted many years ago. I also adore seeing all the birds and wildlife.

How do other relocators handle the move? I know I should focus on the positive aspects, such as getting rid of our clutter and being near the grands, but I'm having trouble with this. Help, please. -- GETTING READY IN GEORGIA

DEAR GETTING READY: I'm glad you wrote now, because you have lots of time to plan the move you are considering. If what you will miss the most about your home is the trees, perhaps the over-55 communities in the area to which you are relocating are not for you. Take some time, talk with a real estate agent and explore what smaller homes might be right for you. However, if an over-55 community is a must, perhaps you can find one that's near a park where you can go and enjoy the trees and wildlife.

As to the memories you will leave behind, you will always have them to look back on, and you will be creating new ones every day.