life

Wife's Attraction to Woman Throws Life Into Confusion

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 7th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old woman. I have been married to my husband for 28 years and never cheated. We have a good life together, and our sex life has always been great, but I have recently fallen in love with another woman.

I haven't told anyone, not even her. She has made several comments and advances toward me, but she frequently makes comments like, "I don't swim in the lady pond."

The two of us recently went out of town together. When she kissed me on my neck, I pulled away and nothing more happened. I am positive that if I hadn't, something would have happened.

I feel like I'm going crazy because I think about her every minute. We talk on the phone several times a day. She's married (to a man) and has been for 30 years. Is it possible for two straight women to suddenly fall in love with each other? Should I tell her how I feel? Please help me. I'm confused, lost and in turmoil. -- FALLING IN LOVE

DEAR FALLING: Yes, it is possible for members of both sexes to become attracted to someone of the same sex and fall in love. Have an honest conversation with the woman. Tell her you are confused about what happened on the trip. I'm not sure she was completely honest about her "swimming" habits, but you may or may not be the first woman she has become attracted to.

I hesitate to advise what steps to take beyond that since you are both in longtime, committed relationships. Much will depend upon what she has to say.

Marriage & DivorceSex & GenderLove & Dating
life

Girlfriend Resents Being Left Out of Man's Family Vacations

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 7th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. We are the same age and have children from previous marriages. His are teenagers, and I have twin boys at home who are 6. Early on we discussed blending our families.

Although he has been eager to be a part of my life and my family, he has been less than enthusiastic about opening up his own life to me. He takes vacations with his children and leaves me out. He also travels alone to places we have discussed going to together. If I say anything, he accuses me of being selfish. But if I plan anything with my own children, he always expects to be included.

I'm getting fed up with it. I feel resentful living on the fringes of his world, while he expects to be at the center of mine. Am I selfish, or do I have a legitimate complaint? -- OFF BALANCE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR OFF BALANCE: You and your boyfriend should both be spending some separate vacation time with your children, but not to the exclusion of each other. That he would take trips you had planned together without you seems peculiar, and I don't think you are selfish to be bothered by it.

Although you have been seeing each other for two years, he does not appear to be anywhere near ready to jump into the kind of relationship you are wishing for. You do have a legitimate complaint. Continue the discussion about this because something does appear to be off balance.

Family & ParentingLove & Dating
life

Loyal Worker Is Out of a Job Following Knee Replacements

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 6th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: After 16 years of loyal and dedicated service to my employer, I find myself out of work. Months ago, I needed double knee replacements. I gave him three months' notice about my surgery, planning to return on June 1. It was a one-girl office; I was responsible for all the administrative duties.

When I called my employer, he said, "Sorry. No work," and hung up on me! I am 64 years old and jobless. I haven't written a resume in more than 20 years. How do I start rebuilding my life?

Life is not kind when you are over 50, and I never thought this day would come. I had intended to work until I was 70. I can't think straight, and am hurt beyond words that I was tossed to the curb after being a loyal and dedicated employee all these years. -- DEEPLY HURT

DEAR DEEPLY HURT: You have my sympathy. For your boss to have kicked you while you were down is disgraceful. Run this scenario by an attorney who specializes in labor issues and ask if you have any recourse. Although you can't think straight right now, I assure you the lawyer will be able to advise you with a dispassionate eye.

And while you are at it, start constructing your resume. Although there may not be a job opening in the field you were working in, surely there is work for someone with a 16-year history of loyal service to one employer and the skills you have acquired and polished along the way.

Work & School
life

Sister Thinks Twice About Helping Cheating Brother

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 6th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My brother "Nick" was married for 17 years until he got caught cheating on his wife with her much-younger niece. He's 34; she's 20. They say they are in love.

Nick has come home to be near family because he has been a stay-at-home dad for the last four years and doesn't have the means to start over without help. (They lived 10 hours away.) The problem is, he has asked to stay with me, which would've been fine, but he's bringing along his new love. We all love Nick's wife, and they have three children together. To let his lover stay here with him feels like a betrayal of my sister-in-law.

Out of all the siblings, I have the most room (we are recent empty nesters), and I could swing it financially. I suppose I should just get over it and help because he's family, but I'm afraid my husband won't be so forgiving. -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAUGHT: It's difficult, but I'll refrain from commenting on your brother's morals or judgment. Whether you should get into the middle of this mess because Nick is family isn't a question I can answer. And you won't know the answer until after you have discussed it with your husband.

P.S. I'm so mad I changed my mind about not being judgmental. It would be poetic justice if the niece met a handsome hunk her age and dumped your brother.

Family & ParentingMarriage & DivorceMoney
life

Idea to Celebrate Stepparents Gains Traction Across Country

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 5th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: In 1985 I met a lovely divorced lady with two adorable children. The three of us got along well. A year later I married into this family. Until then I had no children of my own.

The kids had regular visits with their father. The first Father's Day after I married their mom, we arranged for them to spend the weekend with him. When they returned home that Sunday night, they were exhausted and off to bed they went.

I did some thinking about the idea of celebrating holidays and realized there are holidays in every month except August. (Even a rodent gets his day in February.) My family and I discussed it and came up with the idea for a Step Parents' Day on the second Sunday in August. When that day arrived, we all went to church and then to brunch. The kids gave me cards and a nice gift. It was a wonderful day, and it became a tradition every year after that.

I wrote a letter about it to our mayor. He sent me back an official-looking document with his signature proclaiming the second Sunday in August to be Step Parents' Day in our city. It was gratifying.

Abby, your readers in blended families may want to observe this special day, too. -- STEPDAD IN OHIO

DEAR STEPDAD: Your letter made me smile. When I went online to learn more about it, I discovered that, for more than 20 years, there has been a National Stepfamily Day observed on Sept. 16. You may want to consider adding it to your calendar because it's a day that celebrates all members of the blended family, not just the parents.

Family & ParentingHolidays & Celebrations
life

Fur Flies as Sister and Fiancee Spar Over a Text

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 5th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My future sister-in-law, "Leta," and her daughter came from overseas to visit for a few weeks. It was their first time in the U.S. They had never met my family, and I decided a bowling excursion would be a good way for them to meet my sister "Eileen" and her family. We all had a great time.

Later that evening, Eileen texted me saying a friend of hers was recently diagnosed with lipedema and Leta may have it as well, based on her body type. I ignored the text but didn't think to delete it.

A few days later my fiancee saw the text. Now she's furious with my sister. My fiancee says Eileen was "rude and judgmental," and she shouldn't judge someone she just met because Eileen isn't in the medical profession. Eileen says she was only pointing out something she had noticed and wanted us to know in case my future sister-in-law ever complained about it. Was my sister out of line to do it? -- STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Not knowing Eileen, I won't accuse her of being rude or judgmental. Her motive may have been pure when she mentioned her concerns in light of her friend's diagnosis. While your fiancee had a point when she said your sister doesn't have the expertise to make a medical diagnosis, the text that upset her was meant for you, not her, and she shouldn't have been reviewing it without your permission.

Family & ParentingHealth & Safety

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