DEAR ABBY: We have three grandchildren and are due to make our annual visit. Two of the children are easy to plan for, and we have good relationships with them. The third is a 12-year-old boy with Down syndrome, and we struggle with how to deal with him -- what to do and what to buy him. Any ideas? -- UNSURE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR UNSURE: The most important thing you can bring with you on your visit is a heart filled with love, and the determination that your grandson will know you love him. Spending one-on-one time together would make him feel special. Every child needs validation and affection on their journey toward adulthood. With the self-confidence it brings, Down syndrome children can live full and happy lives.

The questions you're asking me are ones your grandson's parents can answer for you. What he could use and various activities you can share should be easy questions for them to answer.

I have printed a wonderful poem on this subject in my column before. It was written by Edna Massimilla, and I think it is timely. Edna is 102 now and still as energetic and "with it" as ever. Read on:

HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD

A meeting was held so far from Earth.

It was the time for another birth.

The Angels said to the Lord above --

"This special child will need much love.

"For progress may be very slow,

"Accomplishment may never show.

"This special child will need much care

"From the people way down there.

"This child may not talk, run or play,

"And thoughts may seem so far away.

"In many ways will not try to adapt

"Known as 'disabled' and 'handicapped.'

"Please be careful where this one is sent.

"We want this child to be so content.

"O please, Lord, find the parents who

"Will do a very special job for You.

"They will not realize right away

"The leading role that they have to play.

"But with this child sent from above

"Comes stronger faith, and richer love.

"Soon they'll know the privilege given

"In caring for their gift from Heaven.

"Their precious child, so meek and mild

"Is Heaven's very special child."

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old college student. After attending a local community college for two years, I will be starting classes at a four-year school. I make excellent grades, but I struggle with organization. My mother has ADD, and I am certain that I also have it because I display all the symptoms. However, I have never been diagnosed.

My mother purposely didn't have me diagnosed as a child because she didn't want me to feel like there was anything holding me back. Now that I'm an adult, I keep wondering if getting a diagnosis along with some mental and emotional support might help me to become more organized and successful in life. Any advice would be appreciated, along with any resources you might know of for people who have ADD or ADHD. -- ANONYMOUS IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Because you feel that receiving a diagnosis would be helpful, it's time to be evaluated by a mental health professional. If your college has a student health center, that's the place to start. If not, contact the psychological association in your state about a referral to a therapist who specializes in patients with adult attention deficit disorder. I wish you luck, because there is help for it.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating casually for about five months. He is busy and is often terrible about returning texts and phone calls. For his birthday, I bought him a gift that I had put a lot of thought into. We made plans to have dinner on his birthday, but when the time came to pick me up, he didn't show. Three hours after the agreed-upon time, he texted and canceled.

My question is about the gift. It wasn't extravagant, but I no longer have any interest in giving it to him when we do finally see each other (it's been a week since he canceled). Is it acceptable to simply pay for dinner? I'm hurt and frustrated with him, and that doesn't make me want to give him a gift. -- HURT IN TEXAS

DEAR HURT: If he had wanted to spend his birthday with you, he would have shown up. One of the ways people show they care about each other is by returning texts and initiating phone calls. Because your "boyfriend" hasn't done that, assume that he is not as interested in you as you are in him. Return the gift, if possible, and if he shows up again, do not buy the dinner. Shame on him.

DEAR ABBY: When my wife shops for clothes, she often returns something for exchange or reimbursement. Recently she bought an article of clothing and it shrank after she washed it, so she returned it. To me that was inappropriate. I think after a garment is washed it belongs to the buyer, and a return is wrong. Or am I wrong? -- RETURNED IN THE EAST

DEAR RETURNED: Personally, I agree with you -- unless the item was supposed to be shrink-resistant. However, because the retailer was willing to exchange it or reimburse your wife, it appears we are mistaken.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 20 years old and have a job in retail. I have been working here for a few years and am in a higher position than most associates.

I'm in a relationship with my high school sweetheart, whom I truly love, but I am also crazy about my boss. She's beautiful, funny, and to be honest, I jumped at my promotion so I could get closer to her.

I feel terrible because, while I love my girlfriend (she's amazing), if I were given the chance to be with my boss, I'd have a hard time saying no. Thankfully, my boss is in a long-term marriage, so I know in my head I have no chance, but it hurts to go on every day thinking about her. I'd hate myself if I never told her how I feel about her. What should I do? -- REALLY CONFUSED IN RETAIL

DEAR REALLY CONFUSED: Because you are excelling in this retail job, consider asking your beautiful, funny, married boss to write a positive letter of recommendation for you so you can find another job in retail -- one that won't make you ache every time you clock in.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been asked to be in his sister's wedding. We said yes, mostly out of obligation.

There will be three married couples in the procession. I recently learned that my sister-in-law plans to have the couples split up and walk with others. I think it's extremely weird and rude, so much so that we want to back out. Neither of us cares to be in a memory book with us posing with other people. It's not that either of us is jealous; we have been married for 24 years. What do you think? -- FEELING OBLIGATED IN THE EAST

DEAR FEELING OBLIGATED: I think that before you take offense and back out, you should ask your sister-in-law why she wants to do this. It could be something as simple as variations in the height of the participants and not weird or rude. Between you and me, unless you and your husband feel so strongly about this that you are willing to create a rift in the family, you should go along with his sister's fantasy of her perfect day.

DEAR ABBY: I can't do anything for my 70-something-year-old mom without her thanking me so much it makes me uncomfortable. A recent example: She moved to a new apartment, and I bought her some gift certificates as a housewarming gift. She thanked me profusely via email when she received them. She thanked me again over the phone when I next spoke with her. She's thanked me at least half a dozen more times -- each time she uses one of them.

When my sister and I paid for a trip for her, she bought us expensive gifts as thank-yous. The gifts cost far more than she could afford (and unfortunately, in my case, was something I'd never use), which kind of negated the idea of us paying for the trip.

I know Mom means well. Should I say or do anything, or just let it be? -- THANKS-FULL SON IN SEATTLE

DEAR SON: If you say something, you risk embarrassing your mother or, worse, hurting her feelings. I vote for just letting it be.