DEAR ABBY: I recently reconnected with my best friend from high school. I moved out of state at the age of 30, and we lost touch. Turns out she lives about 70 miles from me. Neither of us married or had children.

Someone told me where she works and I called her. She called back the following weekend, and we talked for a couple of hours. It was a good conversation, and it ended with her saying she would be in touch in the next couple of months. We had discussed getting together for lunch.

It has been almost four months and I'm puzzled as to why I have not heard from her. Should I let it go or contact her once more? It bothers me that she doesn't seem to want to get together and hasn't told me why. Any suggestions? -- RECONNECTING IN THE WEST

DEAR RECONNECTING: There could be any number of reasons why your old friend let this slide. Contact her again and "remind" her that you had discussed having lunch together. Her response -- or lack of one -- will tell you if she's really interested.

DEAR ABBY: An issue needs addressing regarding same-sex marriage, and I hope you will share this with your readers. When asking someone about his or her marital status, please keep in mind that when the person responds "married," it may not necessarily mean to a person of the opposite sex. It would be better to ask, "What is your spouse's name?" instead of automatically saying, "And her/his name is ...?"

While dealing with customer service recently, the service representative kept saying "your partner" every time I said "husband." After three corrections, I emphatically stated "my husband" and she begrudgingly finished our transaction. (Yes, I did speak to her supervisor.)

"Partner" implies being in a business of some type. I know some people refer to their spouses as partners, but not everyone does. Thanks for printing this, Abby. -- "SPOUSES" NOT "PARTNERS" IN DELAWARE

DEAR S. NOT P.: The world is changing quickly, and not everyone has been able to keep up with it. The customer service representative should have picked up on the fact that you preferred she refer to your spouse as "husband" the first time you said it. You should not have had to remind her three times. However, because you did, you were right to talk to a supervisor so the woman could be counseled and will, one hopes, be more sensitive in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old granddaughter is being verbally abused by her dad, who has joint custody. He makes her cry every time she spends time with him. Also, there often is not enough food in the house. As a grandmother, what can I do to protect my granddaughter? -- SHE NEEDS HELP

DEAR SHE NEEDS HELP: Your granddaughter's father may have joint custody, but because he is verbally abusive and doesn't have enough food in the house to feed her, your daughter may have to take him back to court and get a modification of the custody order. Because your granddaughter is now 15, she has a right to be heard on the subject.

DEAR ABBY: Our son and his fiancee are having a destination wedding. My husband and I are hosting a local reception here where we live because we would like our close family and friends to be able to celebrate their wedding.

Our problem is, our 24-year-old daughter is an alcoholic who doesn't see her drinking as a problem. She says she can handle it. Well, she can't! She got so drunk at the last family wedding that the police and paramedics had to be called. She's currently on probation because she assaulted a paramedic.

The only way she could go to the destination wedding is if we paid for it, which my husband and I agreed not to do. My husband does want to include her at the party we are having in our city. Because she is uncontrollable and unpredictable, I do not want her there. Oh, and this is the same venue where she got hammered at the last family wedding.

I don't want to take the chance that she will ruin this special evening. My husband thinks he will be able to control her and that it won't "look right" if the sister of the groom is absent. I think it would be much worse if she causes a scene, and I would rather avoid a potential disaster. What should we do? -- MOTHER OF THE GROOM

DEAR MOTHER: Your daughter is an addict in denial, which is sad for all concerned. Because her behavior is unpredictable, and there is a strong possibility that she will disrupt the reception, she should not attend. If your husband is worried about how it will look if she isn't there, he should consider how it will look if the police have to be called and haul her away (again). What your daughter needs is an intervention, not an invitation.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a newlywed, married to an amazing man who also brought me an adorable 5-year-old stepson. Although we married only three months ago, I have been in both of their lives for three years. We recently found out we are expecting, and I am over the moon! We haven't told anyone yet because we are waiting to get through the first trimester.

My question to you is, while this baby is my first, he or she is clearly his second. How do I answer when people ask if this is our first baby? In a sense, it is our first baby, but I don't want to lessen the importance of my stepson. At the same time I'm so excited to share that yes, this is my first baby!

I'm looking forward to all the excitement and the advice people can give, and I want to share the news. Do you have guidance on how I ought to phrase the best news of my life? I never thought I would have this dilemma. -- OVER THE MOON IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR OVER THE MOON: Congratulations on your impending birth. I applaud you for your sensitivity to the feelings of your stepson. If you are asked if this is your first baby, reply that it is your first but your husband's second. And when you do, be sure to tell the "asker" how much you would appreciate any advice the person would care to share about infants, and I'm sure you'll get an earful.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Dumbstruck in Chicago" (April 24), who's dating a recently divorced man who was unfaithful to his ex-wife through multiple affairs and one-night stands with prostitutes, I cannot stay silent. That man screams of being a sex addict. He needs the help of a certified sex addiction therapist before he wrecks another woman's life.

"Dumbstruck" should run -- not walk -- to the nearest S-Anon meeting. It's a 12-step program for people who have been affected by another person's sexual behavior. These behaviors include infidelity by emotional or physical affairs, one-night stands with prostitutes, hanging out in strip clubs and porn addiction.

S-Anon saved my sanity and gave me the courage to offer my husband of 30 years a choice -- recovery or divorce. Because he knew I was serious, he reluctantly went into Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) as well as therapy with a certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT) and has been sexually sober for five years. Our marriage is better today than I ever dreamed it would be.

Sex addiction is a disease and needs to be recognized as the cause of ruining many marriages and tearing families apart. Please, Abby, suggest SA and S-Anon when you reply to people who write you about these issues. -- ANONYMOUS IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Thank you for writing. I have recommended the resources you mentioned in my column in the past. Sexaholics Anonymous and S-Anon have been in existence for more than 35 years and have helped many individuals stop unhealthy, destructive cycles of behavior. There are chapters nationwide. Readers, to find a meeting near you, visit sa.org or sanon.org.

DEAR ABBY: I was raped by a man I thought was a friend. Since then, I don't accept men's opinions, including those I work for. When they try to give me constructive criticism, I shut down.

I know I need therapy. How do I get past this thing and become a productive employee? I no longer want to be just another number and/or statistic. -- GETTING PAST THIS

DEAR GETTING PAST: Not all men are rapists, and not all rapists are men. What happened to you was appalling, and I hope you reported it to the police so it won't happen to another trusting friend of his.

You know you need therapy, so why not contact a rape treatment center and ask for help now? If you do, it will help you in many areas of your life, in addition to your work environment.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 18 and have been working a minimum-wage job for a little over a year. I've saved up a good bit of money, and it has taken a while to do, but I really want to travel. Should I be responsible and keep saving or use the money to buy a plane ticket? -- BROKE AND RESTLESS

DEAR B & R: I think you already know the answer to your question, but allow me to point out that the more money you save, the farther (and longer) you will be able to travel.