DEAR ABBY: Our son and his fiancee are having a destination wedding. My husband and I are hosting a local reception here where we live because we would like our close family and friends to be able to celebrate their wedding.

Our problem is, our 24-year-old daughter is an alcoholic who doesn't see her drinking as a problem. She says she can handle it. Well, she can't! She got so drunk at the last family wedding that the police and paramedics had to be called. She's currently on probation because she assaulted a paramedic.

The only way she could go to the destination wedding is if we paid for it, which my husband and I agreed not to do. My husband does want to include her at the party we are having in our city. Because she is uncontrollable and unpredictable, I do not want her there. Oh, and this is the same venue where she got hammered at the last family wedding.

I don't want to take the chance that she will ruin this special evening. My husband thinks he will be able to control her and that it won't "look right" if the sister of the groom is absent. I think it would be much worse if she causes a scene, and I would rather avoid a potential disaster. What should we do? -- MOTHER OF THE GROOM

DEAR MOTHER: Your daughter is an addict in denial, which is sad for all concerned. Because her behavior is unpredictable, and there is a strong possibility that she will disrupt the reception, she should not attend. If your husband is worried about how it will look if she isn't there, he should consider how it will look if the police have to be called and haul her away (again). What your daughter needs is an intervention, not an invitation.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a newlywed, married to an amazing man who also brought me an adorable 5-year-old stepson. Although we married only three months ago, I have been in both of their lives for three years. We recently found out we are expecting, and I am over the moon! We haven't told anyone yet because we are waiting to get through the first trimester.

My question to you is, while this baby is my first, he or she is clearly his second. How do I answer when people ask if this is our first baby? In a sense, it is our first baby, but I don't want to lessen the importance of my stepson. At the same time I'm so excited to share that yes, this is my first baby!

I'm looking forward to all the excitement and the advice people can give, and I want to share the news. Do you have guidance on how I ought to phrase the best news of my life? I never thought I would have this dilemma. -- OVER THE MOON IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR OVER THE MOON: Congratulations on your impending birth. I applaud you for your sensitivity to the feelings of your stepson. If you are asked if this is your first baby, reply that it is your first but your husband's second. And when you do, be sure to tell the "asker" how much you would appreciate any advice the person would care to share about infants, and I'm sure you'll get an earful.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Dumbstruck in Chicago" (April 24), who's dating a recently divorced man who was unfaithful to his ex-wife through multiple affairs and one-night stands with prostitutes, I cannot stay silent. That man screams of being a sex addict. He needs the help of a certified sex addiction therapist before he wrecks another woman's life.

"Dumbstruck" should run -- not walk -- to the nearest S-Anon meeting. It's a 12-step program for people who have been affected by another person's sexual behavior. These behaviors include infidelity by emotional or physical affairs, one-night stands with prostitutes, hanging out in strip clubs and porn addiction.

S-Anon saved my sanity and gave me the courage to offer my husband of 30 years a choice -- recovery or divorce. Because he knew I was serious, he reluctantly went into Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) as well as therapy with a certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT) and has been sexually sober for five years. Our marriage is better today than I ever dreamed it would be.

Sex addiction is a disease and needs to be recognized as the cause of ruining many marriages and tearing families apart. Please, Abby, suggest SA and S-Anon when you reply to people who write you about these issues. -- ANONYMOUS IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Thank you for writing. I have recommended the resources you mentioned in my column in the past. Sexaholics Anonymous and S-Anon have been in existence for more than 35 years and have helped many individuals stop unhealthy, destructive cycles of behavior. There are chapters nationwide. Readers, to find a meeting near you, visit sa.org or sanon.org.

DEAR ABBY: I was raped by a man I thought was a friend. Since then, I don't accept men's opinions, including those I work for. When they try to give me constructive criticism, I shut down.

I know I need therapy. How do I get past this thing and become a productive employee? I no longer want to be just another number and/or statistic. -- GETTING PAST THIS

DEAR GETTING PAST: Not all men are rapists, and not all rapists are men. What happened to you was appalling, and I hope you reported it to the police so it won't happen to another trusting friend of his.

You know you need therapy, so why not contact a rape treatment center and ask for help now? If you do, it will help you in many areas of your life, in addition to your work environment.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 18 and have been working a minimum-wage job for a little over a year. I've saved up a good bit of money, and it has taken a while to do, but I really want to travel. Should I be responsible and keep saving or use the money to buy a plane ticket? -- BROKE AND RESTLESS

DEAR B & R: I think you already know the answer to your question, but allow me to point out that the more money you save, the farther (and longer) you will be able to travel.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Pierre," and I have been a couple for 18 months. We moved in together three months ago.

The trouble is, Pierre is French, and he doesn't believe in marriage. He says it's an "outdated institution and a social construct." He also claims that no one in France gets married.

My parents are very religious, and they do not support us living in sin. They say if we have a child out of wedlock, they will cut me off completely.

What should I do? I love my family, but I also love Pierre. And I've always dreamed of having a romantic wedding with my father walking me down the aisle. I know Pierre is committed to me, but he dislikes the institution of marriage and won't budge on this. I'm 34 and my biological clock is ticking. Any advice will be appreciated. -- CONFLICTED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFLICTED: Pierre has given you fair warning and so have your parents. Marriage exists in France just as it does here in the USA. That Pierre doesn't believe in it should be an indication that the two of you have very different definitions of what a committed relationship is, and it may be partly cultural in nature. How do you feel about that?

I think it's sad that the parents of a 34-year-old woman would threaten to cut her off if she decided to have a child without being married. If you can support one, that choice should be yours and not theirs. My advice is to stop dreaming about a romantic wedding with your father walking you down the aisle unless you can find a man with a different view of commitment than Pierre appears to have.

P.S. I once had a poodle named Pierre. He and I got along fine and marriage was never discussed.

DEAR ABBY: My mom and many others share this problem. She refuses to throw away expired food. I'm not talking about something a few days past its "best used by" date; I'm talking years.

Yesterday, I found a box of bread crumbs that had expired in 2001 (I took a picture). Mom insisted that they "never really go bad." I told her she had better hope she isn't the beneficiary of the life insurance policy of anyone who eats them or she could end up as an episode of "Snapped."

Seriously, though, this is a huge problem for the elderly. I hope you will encourage your readers to help their older friends and family members by cleaning out their fridge and cabinets. I always check the expiration date before eating anything at my mom's. Thank you! -- DATE CHECKER

DEAR DATE CHECKER: Your mother is mistaken. While it is safe to consume some foods a few weeks past their expiration date, other items begin to lose their nutritional value or spoil.

I'm glad you wrote. I'm printing your letter for other readers whose older relatives think the way your mother does, so they can check the expiration dates on packages in their relatives' cupboards (and remove any bulging or rusted cans that could cause botulism, a fatal illness).