DEAR ABBY: My parents went through a bitter divorce five years ago and have had little to no contact since then. During the process of the divorce, their communication was through my siblings and me, which took a toll on us. However, despite the turmoil of the divorce, we are still close to both of them.

I'm a medical student who will be graduating next year. I recently brought up the idea of having a graduation party, but my father says he refuses to come if Mom or anyone from her side of the family will be there. This led to a discussion about future weddings and events that will most likely happen soon.

My siblings and I are in our mid- to late-20s, and Dad insists that he won't attend any future events that Mom will attend, even if it's his own child's wedding. It was extremely difficult to hear.

My siblings and I can't imagine him boycotting something just because he doesn't want to be in the presence of our mother. We all think he's overreacting and needs to get over the past. Must we get over the fact that he doesn't want to be around our mother and allow him to skip these important days? -- CHILD OF DIVORCE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CHILD: Your father may be angry, but he is also being selfish and childish. By telling you what he did, he's attempting to manipulate you into choosing between him and your mother.

By asking me whether you should "allow" him to skip these important milestones, you appear to be under the impression that you can somehow control your father. You cannot control the actions of another adult. You can, however, control the way you react to his behavior.

You and your siblings should not allow yourselves to be manipulated. "Remind" your father that if he follows through with his threat, he will be missed, and the only person he'll be hurting is himself.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend from college recently had a baby. I had planned a trip to visit her, and during my visit, she said, we would visit the local pool. A week before I was set to leave, she notified me that I would have to wear a T-shirt over my bathing suit at all times because my "fit body" would make her neighbors who have "mom bodies" uncomfortable, and she doesn't want to upset them.

I was shocked and offended for women of all sizes. I responded that I would never be uncomfortable with anyone's mom body or ask them to cover up, and I won't wear a T-shirt. My bathing suit is not skimpy and would not be considered revealing by any standards. She responded that if I have a problem with it, I should just not come. Help! -- SHOCKED AND OFFENDED

DEAR SHOCKED AND OFFENDED: Be neither shocked nor offended. I agree that no one should have to cover their bodies. I suspect your best friend from college is not happy with her post-baby body right now and wants to avoid comparisons. Tell her you understand, and try to reschedule a visit during ski season.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Oscar" for more than 30 years. He has been inattentive for more than 25 of those years. Over the last 15 years, I have found erectile dysfunction medications in his vehicles. Oscar claims he knows nothing about them. He lies constantly, even when the evidence is right in front of him. When I ask him if he is seeing other women, he claims to be impotent and tells me I am crazy.

I had an affair at 55 to try to raise my self-esteem. I once was very beautiful and even now, at age 68, I look quite good. I have stayed with my husband out of habit in spite of his hurtful comments and lack of affection.

Oscar has told me that if I need affection, "go get a job in a whorehouse." I have had three back surgeries in less than a year, and when I cry with pain, he gets annoyed and tells me to cut it out.

He's a narcissist and not much to look at. He goes out of his way to please strangers to make himself look good, but when I need a hand, I'm a "b----," and my husband doesn't lift a finger. Advice, please! -- UNHAPPY IN NEW YORK

DEAR UNHAPPY: You have put up with this for how long? Your relationship with this man (I hesitate to call him a "husband") is clearly loveless. Instead of asking me for advice, look within and ask yourself, "Is this really the way I want to spend the rest of my life?" When the chips are down and you need Oscar's help, he not only turns his back but also calls you a b---- for asking.

Because you know he's cheating, hire a private detective for a month and find out who with. Then talk to a lawyer about what your rights are as a wronged wife in New York.

DEAR ABBY: My 35-year-old stepson has moved back into my home so many times I have lost count. I ask only that he keep his bedroom clean, himself clean, help around the house and look for work. He got married last January and was recently escorted to my home by the local police. His new wife had taken out a restraining order against him.

I was unemployed for two years, but recently found a new job. It's a start, but things are tight financially, and my wife had to assume the role of provider, which I dislike immensely. That's why I hate talking to her about this issue with her son.

I have asked -- pleaded -- to no avail, and now have run out of polite ways to tell him to get out. I don't want him to feel unwelcome, but I'm feeling very used. -- FEELING USED

DEAR FEELING USED: Your feelings are accurate. And as much as you might hate it, talk to your wife about what her son is doing. At 35, he should have long been able to find lodgings other than under your roof.

By allowing her son to live (rent-free, I assume) under the conditions you have described, she's enabling it to continue for the foreseeable future. Unless changes are made, it could ruin your marriage. A first step should be to set a date by which her adult son should move out and insist he get help for the issue that led to the restraining order.

DEAR ABBY: I am 32 and in a relationship with a 31-year-old single mother. Her son, "Steven," is 7. Her daughter, "Jessica," is 15.

I am a stay-at-home dad. Both kids refer to me as "Dad," as I have been a part of Steven's life more than his (incarcerated) dad has ever been. Because I am a stay-at-home dad, this means I take Steven to various professional appointments, doctors, including a psychiatrist for ADHD, the dentist and various sports activities.

I was informed three weeks ago Jessica is pregnant. When I take our boy for doctor's visits, they always want guarantor information, and I always sign. But after a recent checkup of his, I called for results and was outright lied to -- "We don't have the results back" -- and Jessica's doctor said they can't release any information to me.

Abby, I'm in this for the long haul. If doctors will let me sign to pay their medical expenses but I can't have the results, what can I do? -- STAY-AT-HOME-DAD

DEAR "DAD": A guarantor is different from a legal guardian or parent. Have their mother call the doctors and request the information so she can share it with you. And if you haven't suggested to Jessica's mother that her daughter should be put on long-acting birth control, I think the time has come.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently moved into our dream home and invited my family over to see it. My sister noticed that the house had been designed to be handicapped accessible. We confirmed that it had been built by an elderly couple. The doors and walkways are larger than normal, there are handrails in the bathroom, a seat in the shower, etc. She went on to say that we shouldn't have purchased the house because we were "taking it from someone who may have needed it." Then she compared us to someone who parks in a handicap parking space without a permit.

The thought had never occurred to me. I loved the openness of the floor plan; it was a huge selling point for me. The house is within walking distance of my work and had been on the market for two years. The sellers were thrilled to have someone finally buy it. The community has been nothing but welcoming to us and seems glad to have a nice family move into a home that was built by much-loved neighbors. Should we have passed on it and continued our search? -- DREAM HOME OWNER IN KANSAS

DEAR OWNER: Of course not! The house served the needs of the couple who built it. Now it is yours and doing the same for you and your family. Enjoy it! And the next time your jealous sister brings up the subject -- we both know she will -- hand her an antacid tablet and talk about something else.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who I suspect has a mental problem. I wonder if it may be a disease of some kind. No matter what I talk about -- what I've done, who I know or what I have -- she one-ups me by saying she has done or had the same thing. It really grates on my nerves. Do you think it's a habit or a disease? -- OUTDONE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR OUTDONE: It's not a disease, but an obnoxious habit. The "cure" may be to tell the woman how what she's doing makes you feel. The result will be that she either stops trying to top you or ends the friendship. Either one will be a relief.