DEAR ABBY: My very best friend growing up was repeatedly raped by her father from around age 13. She told me when we were 17. I reported it to a policeman, but back then, they couldn't do anything unless she reported it. She refused in order to protect her mother.

Her mom is gone now, but dear old Dad is still hanging on. He lives in a retirement home known for supporting children and children's activities. (It's associated with one of the largest charitable groups for kids.) I worry a lot about this freak having an opportunity to molest other children, and it sickens me that when he does finally die, he will receive full honors from this group. I have thought about anonymously contacting the home and warning them. Should I? -- UNCERTAIN IN THE EAST

DEAR UNCERTAIN: That information would carry far more weight if it came from his daughter. Encourage her to discuss what her father did with the director of the retirement home as well as a social worker. Her father should never be alone with a minor child again. If your friend refuses to do this, then yes, you should speak up.

DEAR ABBY: I love my grandchildren. My problem is, my daughter expects me to baby-sit at the snap of a finger regardless of what I have to do or what I have planned. Additionally, I never know how long I will be sitting. Sometimes, it can be up to 12 hours.

I receive no compensation because, in her words, "Grandmothers should not be paid." If I refuse, she accuses me of being a "bad" grandmother. If I ask to have one child for an overnight and a weekend day, I am refused. Her reason? "Because I said so!"

Would I be justified in asking for compensation? I live on a fixed income and could use the money. -- BAD GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: If there are expenses incurred while you baby-sit your grandchildren, you should be compensated for them. However, I can see why your request for a salary for doing it would not be well-received. Because you need extra money, consider finding a part-time job. If you do, you will not only ease the strain on your budget, but also make yourself less available to your daughter "at the snap of a finger."

DEAR ABBY: My niece, who is being married next month, sent out invitations a couple of weeks ago. She requested no children under 16 because they'll be serving alcohol and because she is running tight with her guest list.

My stepsister and her mom are upset because their young girls won't be able to come. My sister said if they can't go, then she isn't going, which I think is ridiculous. They're trying to force my niece to let them bring the girls. What they don't understand is how you explain allowing them to come but not other kids. How should this be handled? -- NO EXCEPTIONS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR NO EXCEPTIONS: It should be handled by telling your stepsister and her mother how sorry everyone will be that they can't attend, and they will be missed. In other words, no exceptions should be made for the intelligent reason you stated in the last lines of your letter to me.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law constantly talks to my husband about committing suicide because she's not happy with her life or her husband. My husband worries all the time and has offered to let her come stay with us for a while.

To me, this would be a nightmare. I can't be around her more than two or three days, and she has "hinted" that she would like to move in permanently with us. I have told my husband how I feel, but he's terrified she will follow through. How can I fix this? Should I tell her how I feel? -- SCARED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SCARED: If your mother-in-law moves in with you, it will probably spell the end of your marriage. She needs more help than you or her son is qualified to give. Explain this to your husband. His mother may suffer from chronic depression or be trying to manipulate her son through emotional blackmail. If he really wants to help his mother, he will make sure she is evaluated by a licensed mental health professional.

DEAR ABBY: We love being near the water, but my husband drags a chair behind our rental and sits in the sun in the alley without his shirt. This is an upscale neighborhood, and it's embarrassing to me, especially because he is in his 70s and not in shape to display his stomach.

The neighbors laugh it off, but I have told him how I feel and pleaded with him to walk a few steps to the beach and sit there shirtless. He said I hurt his feelings and embarrassed him by suggesting it. What more can I do to make him see how inappropriate it is? -- BEACH BUNNY

DEAR BUNNY: Nothing! If he doesn't feel sunbathing in the back alley is inappropriate and the neighbors aren't offended, then the problem is you, not him. He may not want to sunbathe on the beach because he is self-conscious about his appearance, and your comments didn't help. Apologies are in order.

DEAR ABBY: I am a teetotaler. As frequently happens when a group of friends share a meal together at a restaurant, when the bill arrives, one of the party will suggest, "Why don't we just split it?" The rest of the group usually quickly agrees, but left out of the equation is the fact that the lone teetotaler did not participate in the round -- or several rounds -- of cocktails before dinner and ends up subsidizing the drinkers. If I squawk about it, I look cheap. If I don't, I feel taken advantage of. Please advise. -- TICKED OFF TEETOTALER

DEAR T.O.T.: If you haven't squawked before, you should. The time to speak up would be when the get-together is being planned and you can talk to each of your friends privately. Suggest the booze bill and the food tab be separate, which would keep the math simple for everyone. Or, put enough in the till to cover your cost and the tip, and let them split the rest.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, who is retired, now prefers to talk exclusively to people under 21. He says he is "mentoring" them, though I haven't seen any indication of this.

He says he has no interest in talking to people our age, so when we get together with our friends, who are mostly our age, he says practically nothing. When I asked why, he said he prefers to impart his knowledge to younger people. I have suggested that he volunteer with younger people, but he wasn't interested -- he just wants to hang out with them.

I'm not sure what to do. He seems depressed if they don't respond to him in the way he would like. Mostly they show little interest in being with him. What, if anything, should I do about this? It has been going on for more than two years now. -- CONCERNED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CONCERNED: I feel sorry for your husband. He may avoid companions his own age because they remind him that he, too, is getting older. It's no wonder young people don't respond to him. I can imagine few pastimes less appetizing than socializing with someone who "imparts knowledge" by talking down to them. They might find him more appealing if he asked them questions and listened to what they had to say.

Consider talking to him about your concern that he is socially isolating himself from contemporaries, because the longer he continues, the less welcome he will find himself. However, until he comes to that realization and decides to fix it, do not expect anything to change.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are proud parents of two adult daughters. They both graduated from a local university. Our rule was if they were to complete their education locally, they had to continue to live at home.

Now, our goddaughter "Justine" is in community college and planning to transfer to a four-year college next semester. I was told recently that she's been trying to convince her boyfriend to get a place together. Justine's parents would prefer she remain at home, but won't fight her if she moves in with her boyfriend. I'm pretty sure they'll continue to fund her education as best they can until she graduates.

We have been contributing financially toward our goddaughter's education. My husband and I feel that it's a waste of money just so they can "play house." She has a good relationship with her family and can come and go as she pleases. I'm afraid they will run into money issues and use the money we give her to live on instead of for school, which is not OK with me. Plus, I don't think I should do any different for her than I did for my own children.

I'm afraid if I let her know how I feel, it will strain our relationship -- perhaps even the one we have with her parents. Should this be my concern or should I let it go? -- HER GODMOTHER

DEAR GODMOTHER: It's time for an honest conversation with your goddaughter, and it wouldn't be a bad idea if you included her parents. Explain that you would be uncomfortable subsidizing her if she lives with her boyfriend because it's not how you raised your children. You have already contributed generously to her education.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: It is time for the breaking of the Ramadan fast. Happy Eid al-Fitr. -- ABBY