DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law constantly talks to my husband about committing suicide because she's not happy with her life or her husband. My husband worries all the time and has offered to let her come stay with us for a while.

To me, this would be a nightmare. I can't be around her more than two or three days, and she has "hinted" that she would like to move in permanently with us. I have told my husband how I feel, but he's terrified she will follow through. How can I fix this? Should I tell her how I feel? -- SCARED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SCARED: If your mother-in-law moves in with you, it will probably spell the end of your marriage. She needs more help than you or her son is qualified to give. Explain this to your husband. His mother may suffer from chronic depression or be trying to manipulate her son through emotional blackmail. If he really wants to help his mother, he will make sure she is evaluated by a licensed mental health professional.

DEAR ABBY: We love being near the water, but my husband drags a chair behind our rental and sits in the sun in the alley without his shirt. This is an upscale neighborhood, and it's embarrassing to me, especially because he is in his 70s and not in shape to display his stomach.

The neighbors laugh it off, but I have told him how I feel and pleaded with him to walk a few steps to the beach and sit there shirtless. He said I hurt his feelings and embarrassed him by suggesting it. What more can I do to make him see how inappropriate it is? -- BEACH BUNNY

DEAR BUNNY: Nothing! If he doesn't feel sunbathing in the back alley is inappropriate and the neighbors aren't offended, then the problem is you, not him. He may not want to sunbathe on the beach because he is self-conscious about his appearance, and your comments didn't help. Apologies are in order.

DEAR ABBY: I am a teetotaler. As frequently happens when a group of friends share a meal together at a restaurant, when the bill arrives, one of the party will suggest, "Why don't we just split it?" The rest of the group usually quickly agrees, but left out of the equation is the fact that the lone teetotaler did not participate in the round -- or several rounds -- of cocktails before dinner and ends up subsidizing the drinkers. If I squawk about it, I look cheap. If I don't, I feel taken advantage of. Please advise. -- TICKED OFF TEETOTALER

DEAR T.O.T.: If you haven't squawked before, you should. The time to speak up would be when the get-together is being planned and you can talk to each of your friends privately. Suggest the booze bill and the food tab be separate, which would keep the math simple for everyone. Or, put enough in the till to cover your cost and the tip, and let them split the rest.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, who is retired, now prefers to talk exclusively to people under 21. He says he is "mentoring" them, though I haven't seen any indication of this.

He says he has no interest in talking to people our age, so when we get together with our friends, who are mostly our age, he says practically nothing. When I asked why, he said he prefers to impart his knowledge to younger people. I have suggested that he volunteer with younger people, but he wasn't interested -- he just wants to hang out with them.

I'm not sure what to do. He seems depressed if they don't respond to him in the way he would like. Mostly they show little interest in being with him. What, if anything, should I do about this? It has been going on for more than two years now. -- CONCERNED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CONCERNED: I feel sorry for your husband. He may avoid companions his own age because they remind him that he, too, is getting older. It's no wonder young people don't respond to him. I can imagine few pastimes less appetizing than socializing with someone who "imparts knowledge" by talking down to them. They might find him more appealing if he asked them questions and listened to what they had to say.

Consider talking to him about your concern that he is socially isolating himself from contemporaries, because the longer he continues, the less welcome he will find himself. However, until he comes to that realization and decides to fix it, do not expect anything to change.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are proud parents of two adult daughters. They both graduated from a local university. Our rule was if they were to complete their education locally, they had to continue to live at home.

Now, our goddaughter "Justine" is in community college and planning to transfer to a four-year college next semester. I was told recently that she's been trying to convince her boyfriend to get a place together. Justine's parents would prefer she remain at home, but won't fight her if she moves in with her boyfriend. I'm pretty sure they'll continue to fund her education as best they can until she graduates.

We have been contributing financially toward our goddaughter's education. My husband and I feel that it's a waste of money just so they can "play house." She has a good relationship with her family and can come and go as she pleases. I'm afraid they will run into money issues and use the money we give her to live on instead of for school, which is not OK with me. Plus, I don't think I should do any different for her than I did for my own children.

I'm afraid if I let her know how I feel, it will strain our relationship -- perhaps even the one we have with her parents. Should this be my concern or should I let it go? -- HER GODMOTHER

DEAR GODMOTHER: It's time for an honest conversation with your goddaughter, and it wouldn't be a bad idea if you included her parents. Explain that you would be uncomfortable subsidizing her if she lives with her boyfriend because it's not how you raised your children. You have already contributed generously to her education.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: It is time for the breaking of the Ramadan fast. Happy Eid al-Fitr. -- ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. We are planning on moving to California together in a few months.

I flew to Monterey to job hunt, and he is supposed to be flying in soon. However, last night I found out he and his buddy went to a strip club. My boyfriend knows I'm uncomfortable with him going to strip clubs, and he assured me that they would not be going when we spoke on the phone earlier in the evening.

He says I'm controlling and childish for being angry at him. I told him it's either me or the strip clubs -- mostly just to see how he would react. His response was that freedom of choice is very important to him. I even went as far as to say if he feels the need to go to strip clubs, then I would start stripping on the side to spite him.

I'm tempted to cancel his ticket to California. I don't want him flying here if we are just going to fight. Is this situation worth the cost of a relationship? How do I deal with someone so stubborn to the point he can't see when he's in the wrong? Abby, he is in the wrong, isn't he? -- CHOICE IS CLEAR

DEAR CHOICE: A wise woman chooses her battles carefully. If your boyfriend spent more than an occasional evening hanging out in strip clubs, I can see why it would be a deal breaker. But unless you left something important out of your letter -- like the fact that he did more than look -- it doesn't appear that he does.

You escalated the situation and you shouldn't have. However, if you feel so strongly about strip clubs, perhaps you should consider finding another man to spend your life with because it really isn't possible to control the actions of another adult.

DEAR ABBY: My 33-year-old daughter recently moved back home after failing to finish a graduate program. I discovered she was an alcoholic a few years ago and encouraged her to get treatment. She was in an outpatient recovery program and making progress, but recently relapsed.

Before her relapse, her dad and I helped her to buy a business, which is not doing well. Her employees quit, and she lost a lot of income. She started going to AA meetings, and hired some people she met who attend and live in a halfway house.

I regret helping her, and I now realize I must stop all interactions with her. She has a huge sense of entitlement and does not appreciate my help. I feel I have failed as a parent and hope I can move past this and work through my depression. Any advice you can offer is welcome. -- BEST MOM I CAN BE

DEAR BEST MOM: You have not "failed" as a parent. Your daughter has an addiction. Her addiction is not your fault. Substance abusers have been known to fall off the wagon on their road to sobriety, and this is what happened to your daughter.

It would be helpful for you to talk about your depression with a licensed mental health professional who is familiar with addictions, and to attend some Al-Anon meetings. Because you feel your relationship with your daughter has reached the point that she can no longer live with you, tell her she must make other living arrangements and set a date for her to move out. Do not do it in anger. In fact, it may be better for both of you.