life

Search Begins for Recipes to Replace Lost Heirlooms

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 16th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: Due to some unfortunate family circumstances, I was devastated to discover that nearly all of my boxes of cherished recipes had been destroyed. I'm now starting over from scratch to collect special recipes I can pass down to my children.

Most of my family members have died, so they can no longer be a resource for the traditional dishes I grew up with. I saw a post online a while back about a cookbooklet set you were offering. Is it still available, and how much does it cost? It would mean a lot to me to be able to share some of your favorite recipes with my kids and younger relatives. -- LORIE IN ENCINO, CALIF.

DEAR LORIE: Having been a compulsive recipe collector for many years, I can imagine how frustrating it was to discover your recipes were gone. I hope my recipe booklets will start you on your way to rebuilding your collection.

Many readers have written to tell me that my recipes are great for entertaining and actually save calories when they are divided among a greater number of guests. The Raw Apple Cake serves 16. (Remember, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away.") Think of the fiber! The Pecan Pie has taken blue ribbons in county fairs. Others were featured on the covers of women's magazines.

My cookbooklet set contains more than 100 tasty recipes for soups, salads, appetizers, main courses and desserts that can be used when friends and family get together to celebrate holidays and special occasions. Once you start reviewing "Cookbooklet II," you will see that a sweet tooth runs in my family. The cookbooklets are sold as a set and can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $14 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. I hope you will enjoy all the recipes because dinner guests, family members -- as well as other readers -- have raved about them. They have even been used as the basis for Dear Abby-themed dinner parties. (The place cards were decorated with hearts and flowers, and the centerpiece was a "bouquet" of envelopes addressed to me.)

Included in this collection are tips on entertaining for those who are inexperienced or nervous about it. Remember, although what you put on the table is important, it's who you put in the chairs that makes a great party.

Family & Parenting
life

Free Room at the Beach Comes Without a View

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 16th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: What do you do if your friends have graciously given you several nights free at a lovely beach hotel, but your room faces a huge wall covered by a black tarp -- a construction site? We've been told that no other rooms are available. -- ROOM WITH NO VIEW

DEAR ROOM: Because other accommodations aren't available, you graciously accept that you won't be looking out at the moonlit water. Then do your best to enjoy your free holiday, spending as much time on the sunlit beach as you can. (Don't forget to use sunscreen!)

Etiquette & EthicsFriends & NeighborsMoney
life

Mom Is Desperate to Stop Teen's Violent Outbursts

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 15th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm a mother of two boys, 13 and 12. My oldest son has become very abusive, both physically and emotionally. He has been arrested for hitting me and hitting his little brother. He was recently kicked off the bus for hitting another student and has also been locked out of school.

I have tried therapy and medications for him, but he hasn't changed. I'm at my wits' end, ready to give up and hand him over to the court. He has both parents and a loving home. I don't know what to do anymore. I love my son, but can no longer do this. Please tell me how to help him! -- LOVING MOTHER IN TENNESSEE

DEAR LOVING MOTHER: Much information is missing from your letter. What triggers your son's violent episodes? Could he have a learning disability? Is he being teased or bullied, which might explain why he hit another student? Has he been ill, or could he have sensory integration difficulties?

At 13, it's too soon to throw up your hands and give up. Because therapy and medication haven't helped your son, I would have to ask what kind of therapist has been seeing him. When treatment doesn't work, a patient may need a more comprehensive assessment -- a second opinion or even a third. My suggestion would be to take him to a teaching hospital. And while you're there, please consider asking about some support for yourself because you have a lot on your shoulders.

Mental HealthTeensAbuseFamily & Parenting
life

Debt-Free Parents Won't Stop Handing out Unwanted Advice

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 15th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my late 30s and moved away from my parents when I was 17. My husband doesn't make a lot of money, but he gives me his whole paycheck for the household expenses every week. Because we live paycheck to paycheck, we rarely have much money left at the end of the month. But we make it.

The issue is my parents. They are retired now and received a nice inheritance when my grandparents passed. They used the money to pay off every debt they had, and now they won't stop telling me how to save money or how to spend it. Now that they're financially stable, they seem to have forgotten they lived paycheck to paycheck when they were my age. I rarely speak to them anymore because of it.

How can I get them to back off without starting a war? They're retired and bored, and they love drama. The slightest thing starts a battle they drag other family into. -- PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK IN OHIO

DEAR PAYCHECK: That your parents feel the need to enlist the support of other relatives in their arguments with you is wrong. All they have managed to accomplish is to put you on the defensive. However, has it not occurred to you that they're dispensing financial advice because they are hoping to help you avoid some of the mistakes they made before they received that windfall?

Listen politely, thank them for caring, discuss it with your husband, and decide if some of it applies in your situation. Then keep what you can use and discard the rest.

Family & ParentingMoney
life

Teen With Older Boyfriend Keeps Dangerously Late Hours

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 14th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 19 and lives with me. She is seeing a 26-year-old man who has a child with another woman he didn't marry.

When my daughter goes out with him, he keeps her out until 3:30 a.m. or later. He has done this twice that I know of. I had a conversation with him, and he assured me he would make sure she is home before midnight, to no avail.

I don't think he's good for my daughter. Should I forbid her from seeing him (because she lives in my house) or let her make her own decision? We are not going to raise a baby out of wedlock! -- TEEN'S DAD

DEAR DAD: Your 19-year-old daughter is considered to be an adult even if she's not acting like it. Tread carefully because if you forbid her to see this man, she may rebel by moving out and in with him.

You have the right to make clear to her that under no circumstances will you raise a baby out of wedlock, and that if he gets her pregnant, she'll be on her own. And while you're at it, point out that her school or job will suffer if she continues the late hours she's been keeping. "Remind" her that what she's doing is irresponsible and will keep her from succeeding if she doesn't straighten up. Then cross your fingers that your daughter will get the message.

Love & DatingTeensFamily & Parenting
life

Mom Prays for Son's Safety as He Takes up Cycling

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 14th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I need advice about my son. He has started doing bicycle training with a coach and some other cyclists, and he likes it a lot. But I continually hear about accidents with bicycles, and every time he goes, I am frightened for him.

My husband was a cyclist for many years, and he encourages him. I want to do the same, but fear stops me. What must I do? I pray every time he goes and surrender him to God. Is this the right way? -- FEARFUL IN NICOSIA, CYPRUS

DEAR FEARFUL: A mother's primary instinct is to protect her young. The problem is, parents can't protect their children in every circumstance, and cycling is a mode of transportation being promoted everywhere.

It's a plus that your son is working with a coach, presumably one who understands the hazards and road conditions in your city. Under the circumstances, you are doing the best you can and you are doing the right thing. There is no requirement that you "must" encourage your son as his father is doing.

I believe in the power of prayer, and if it makes you feel better, then it is absolutely the right thing to do.

Health & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Women's Health Is Focus of Special Week

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 14th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR READERS: I'm honored to participate in National Women's Health Week (May 13-19). Women are the primary caretakers in most societies -- including our own. But in the process we too often forget to take care of ourselves -- by eating right, getting enough sleep, controlling our stress levels with regular exercise and scheduling regular medical checkups. Please don't procrastinate. Start now! National Women's Health Week is a perfect time to begin. Visit womenshealth.gov/nwhw for more information. -- LOVE, ABBY

Holidays & CelebrationsHealth & Safety

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