DEAR ABBY: I'm a mother of two boys, 13 and 12. My oldest son has become very abusive, both physically and emotionally. He has been arrested for hitting me and hitting his little brother. He was recently kicked off the bus for hitting another student and has also been locked out of school.

I have tried therapy and medications for him, but he hasn't changed. I'm at my wits' end, ready to give up and hand him over to the court. He has both parents and a loving home. I don't know what to do anymore. I love my son, but can no longer do this. Please tell me how to help him! -- LOVING MOTHER IN TENNESSEE

DEAR LOVING MOTHER: Much information is missing from your letter. What triggers your son's violent episodes? Could he have a learning disability? Is he being teased or bullied, which might explain why he hit another student? Has he been ill, or could he have sensory integration difficulties?

At 13, it's too soon to throw up your hands and give up. Because therapy and medication haven't helped your son, I would have to ask what kind of therapist has been seeing him. When treatment doesn't work, a patient may need a more comprehensive assessment -- a second opinion or even a third. My suggestion would be to take him to a teaching hospital. And while you're there, please consider asking about some support for yourself because you have a lot on your shoulders.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my late 30s and moved away from my parents when I was 17. My husband doesn't make a lot of money, but he gives me his whole paycheck for the household expenses every week. Because we live paycheck to paycheck, we rarely have much money left at the end of the month. But we make it.

The issue is my parents. They are retired now and received a nice inheritance when my grandparents passed. They used the money to pay off every debt they had, and now they won't stop telling me how to save money or how to spend it. Now that they're financially stable, they seem to have forgotten they lived paycheck to paycheck when they were my age. I rarely speak to them anymore because of it.

How can I get them to back off without starting a war? They're retired and bored, and they love drama. The slightest thing starts a battle they drag other family into. -- PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK IN OHIO

DEAR PAYCHECK: That your parents feel the need to enlist the support of other relatives in their arguments with you is wrong. All they have managed to accomplish is to put you on the defensive. However, has it not occurred to you that they're dispensing financial advice because they are hoping to help you avoid some of the mistakes they made before they received that windfall?

Listen politely, thank them for caring, discuss it with your husband, and decide if some of it applies in your situation. Then keep what you can use and discard the rest.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 19 and lives with me. She is seeing a 26-year-old man who has a child with another woman he didn't marry.

When my daughter goes out with him, he keeps her out until 3:30 a.m. or later. He has done this twice that I know of. I had a conversation with him, and he assured me he would make sure she is home before midnight, to no avail.

I don't think he's good for my daughter. Should I forbid her from seeing him (because she lives in my house) or let her make her own decision? We are not going to raise a baby out of wedlock! -- TEEN'S DAD

DEAR DAD: Your 19-year-old daughter is considered to be an adult even if she's not acting like it. Tread carefully because if you forbid her to see this man, she may rebel by moving out and in with him.

You have the right to make clear to her that under no circumstances will you raise a baby out of wedlock, and that if he gets her pregnant, she'll be on her own. And while you're at it, point out that her school or job will suffer if she continues the late hours she's been keeping. "Remind" her that what she's doing is irresponsible and will keep her from succeeding if she doesn't straighten up. Then cross your fingers that your daughter will get the message.

DEAR ABBY: I need advice about my son. He has started doing bicycle training with a coach and some other cyclists, and he likes it a lot. But I continually hear about accidents with bicycles, and every time he goes, I am frightened for him.

My husband was a cyclist for many years, and he encourages him. I want to do the same, but fear stops me. What must I do? I pray every time he goes and surrender him to God. Is this the right way? -- FEARFUL IN NICOSIA, CYPRUS

DEAR FEARFUL: A mother's primary instinct is to protect her young. The problem is, parents can't protect their children in every circumstance, and cycling is a mode of transportation being promoted everywhere.

It's a plus that your son is working with a coach, presumably one who understands the hazards and road conditions in your city. Under the circumstances, you are doing the best you can and you are doing the right thing. There is no requirement that you "must" encourage your son as his father is doing.

I believe in the power of prayer, and if it makes you feel better, then it is absolutely the right thing to do.

DEAR READERS: I'm honored to participate in National Women's Health Week (May 13-19). Women are the primary caretakers in most societies -- including our own. But in the process we too often forget to take care of ourselves -- by eating right, getting enough sleep, controlling our stress levels with regular exercise and scheduling regular medical checkups. Please don't procrastinate. Start now! National Women's Health Week is a perfect time to begin. Visit womenshealth.gov/nwhw for more information. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are looking forward to being married soon. The problem is, he wants a traditional wedding with bridesmaids and groomsmen, and I prefer a wedding at the courthouse.

I'm not good at planning parties, and we have almost no budget to work with. We will be paying for all of this out of pocket. We have a venue booked on a beach. However, the amount of planning that's going into this weeklong wedding/family vacation -- with all invitees attending -- is becoming too much.

My future mother-in-law doesn't care for me, and dealing with her is stressful. My fiance is not planning the wedding. I am, by default. I really don't want to do this, and we can't hire a wedding planner. Do you have any suggestions on how to compromise on this situation? -- WEDDED UN-BLISS IN TEXAS

DEAR WEDDED UN-BLISS: There are solid reasons it is recommended that engaged couples have premarital counseling to work out any disagreements before the vows are spoken. I'm suggesting it for you. Your celebration should be kept low-key and inexpensive, and you do not have to explain or apologize to anyone for it.

I would like to caution you, however, to think twice about going through with this marriage. From where I sit, you will have a built-in mother-in-law problem because the woman doesn't like you, as well as an irresponsible husband who is unwilling to compromise. It doesn't take a crystal ball to predict that you will have some serious challenges to contend with.

DEAR ABBY: Neighbor "Bill" has lived across the street for 30 years. Our kids grew up together, and we socialized at least once a month with him and his wife. Three years ago, she left him, and his daughter moved out of town. My wife and I were among the few who helped to support him emotionally.

Bill is pleasant and presentable. The problem is, he's the cheapest man on the face of the Earth. We have almost identical well-paying professional jobs. My wife and I travel extensively, attend events, have new cars and eat well. Bill has a 20-year-old car he won't even pay to wash. He travels only when he can stay at a friend's house, and must be hard-pressed to pay for anything. He's kind of a leech in that he waits for invitations where he can get by on the cheap. This makes for a very dull and challenging companion.

My wife is neutral, but it has really gotten to me. Her take is to just not invite Bill if it bothers me so much. I'm willing to support him emotionally, but not financially at the same time. Mutual friends agree with me. Your thoughts? -- JUST ABOUT OVER BILL

DEAR JUST ABOUT OVER: My thought is that the friendship with Bill may have run its course. And if your neighbor should ask you why, tell him what you have shared with me -- that you're tired of footing the bill for Bill.

DEAR READERS: Happy Mother's Day to mothers everywhere -- birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers who are raising their grandchildren and dual-role dads. Orchids to all of you for the love you give each and every day! LOVE, ABBY