DEAR ABBY: I'm the youngest of four sisters. The oldest sister is the only one who has children -- three girls under the age of 12. I'm a high school teacher who works about 60 hours a week during the school year between teaching, grading, attending meetings, completing paperwork, tutoring before and after school, and planning lessons.

My second-oldest sister wants to plan an elaborate road trip this summer that involves renting an RV and driving cross-country with our nieces to visit Disneyland. She feels that since I have the summer off, I should be more than happy to go on this trek.

I love my students and nieces, but by the time summer rolls around, the last thing I want to do is spend a week or more in a camper with kids. I told her I have some summer training to go to, which is true, hoping she would drop the subject. She hasn't. I don't want my sister's or my nieces' feelings to be hurt, but I flat-out don't want to do this. What can I tell them? -- SWEATING IT OUT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SWEATING IT OUT: Forgive me if this is blasphemy, but Disneyland isn't everyone's cup of tea. That's why it's time to tell your sisters the truth. You deserve a child-free summer break if you want one, and that fact should not be regarded as a personal insult to anyone.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked with a woman for a little more than a year. Her daughter is having a baby. I have never met her daughter, but hear only negative stories about her and her boyfriend, who both live with this co-worker.

Today in the mail I received an invitation to this daughter's baby shower. I was told by another co-worker that we all (seven office people) are invited, although none of us have ever met her. I am surprised the woman I work with would do this. Does it seem strange to you, and should I feel guilty because I have no desire to go? Because of the invite, I feel I "should" give a small gift, but I'm sort of miffed about it. If you were me, how would you handle this? -- CONFUSED CO-WORKER

DEAR CONFUSED: The daughter and her boyfriend are living with your co-worker because they don't have enough money to live on their own. I don't know the reason for that, and neither do you. It's fair to assume that they will need things for their baby. I agree that by sending you an invitation to the shower, she has put you on the spot, but I can understand her doing it.

If I were you, in the interest of solidarity as well as charity, I would send a small baby gift -- or consider a group gift with your other co-workers. Because I had heard nothing positive about the mother-to-be, I would send with it my regrets for being unable to attend.

DEAR ABBY: After I retired, I wrote a book. I sent a copy to old friends at no charge. Upon receipt, they gave lukewarm thanks and criticized me for not personalizing it by handwriting a few words to them.

How should I deal with these people who often tend to criticize? -- PUZZLED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PUZZLED: Some people feel that an inscription in a book makes it a more personal gift. That said, "deal" with it by accepting the criticism graciously and offer to autograph your book for them if they will return it to you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 29-year-old female and still a virgin. This decision is mostly based on my religious beliefs, but also because I haven't met the right guy. I have been struggling with this for several years because it seems my religious views and that of society are at odds. Rather than feel proud of my virginity, I feel ashamed.

At this point, I'm worried that if I tell a guy I'm a virgin, I'll be rejected. Throughout my teens and 20s, I believed that waiting for Mr. Right was the best route for me. Now that I'm older, it has become a constant weight on my shoulders. Our society places so much emphasis on sex. At 29, it seems I have failed in some way.

I met a guy recently and we both expressed that we had feelings for each other. I later found out that he had a girlfriend and two small children. I haven't seen him again, but I can't stop thinking about him. I thought he was a nice guy, but I feel so disappointed.

I'm concerned about my future. I'm afraid I won't meet the right guy and that I'll make a bad decision with the wrong guy. Any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. -- WAITING IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR WAITING: All single people face the dilemma you are facing at one point or another. Too often, they make painful mistakes that they later regret. You, however, dodged a bullet. Virginity is a gift that can be given only once. Rather than feel disappointed, be glad you didn't waste it on a man who is already in a relationship and has two children to support.

You say you are religious. If that's true, have enough faith to believe you will meet the "right guy" at the right time. You might benefit by talking to your spiritual adviser about how to find a life partner whose values mirror your own. If that's not possible, some sessions with a psychologist may help you to regain confidence in your judgment.

DEAR ABBY: Several members of our family, when they come to our home for a visit, immediately take over the seating in the living room and begin to knit, crochet, etc. It's annoying and off-putting. It makes me feel excluded.

When it's just family, I put aside my feelings and focus on other family members. However, we recently hosted a gathering that included neighbors and friends. Those relatives sat in a little huddle, in the middle of the room, talking only among themselves. I was embarrassed. Several people commented to me about the "sewing circle."

I had hoped that since this wasn't just a family gathering, they would have had enough manners to leave their needles at home and socialize with the other guests. I'm so mad I'm on the verge of no longer inviting them, but I don't really want to do that. Any suggestions? -- FUMING IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR FUMING: I agree that the "sewing circle's" behavior was rude. Your relatives should have made the effort to mingle and converse with the other guests, if only for a little while. If you haven't told them how their behavior reflected on them, you should. At least they would then understand why they may no longer be invited when you entertain.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my 30s and moved out of my parents' home 10 years ago. Last week I decided to visit them, and we went out to eat. Dad has a habit of sending his food back to the kitchen -- "My steak isn't cooked enough," or "My food is cold. Could you warm it up?" He even does this at restaurants that aren't fancy.

Dad has done this my whole life and he's in his 60s. It's embarrassing for me and Mom, and it frustrates the cooks and waitstaff. Is there a polite way of telling him to stop this behavior? He takes any criticism personally. -- EMBARRASSED IN THE NORTHEAST

DEAR EMBARRASSED: You are certainly free to tell your father that this habit embarrasses you, but after all these years, you and your mother are not going to change him. Restaurants are in the hospitality business. If your father isn't satisfied with his food, he has a right to ask that it be served to his liking, and most restaurants will gladly comply. We are not responsible for the actions of other people, and because of that, you should not feel embarrassed about something over which you have no control.

DEAR ABBY: Last year for my birthday, my husband asked me what I wanted for a gift. I told him I would like flowers once a month for one year. He's been pretty good about it. But I complained about the way I receive them, which is, when we are driving home in our truck (we work together) and it's nearing the end of the month, he'll pull into the parking lot at the grocery store, run in, come back and hand them to me. He always picks out a beautiful bunch, but my complaint was that it's never a "surprise." He says he can't decide if I'm ungrateful or a spoiled brat. What say you and your readers? -- GRATEFUL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GRATEFUL: Your mistake was in not clearly specifying that what you wanted was a bouquet in a vase from a florist. However, because you also told your husband you wanted flowers once a month, I fail to see how they would in any way be a "surprise." He has been giving you what you asked for, and you shouldn't look a gift husband in the mouth. I'm not going to name call, but shame on you.

DEAR ABBY: People in nursing homes or at home -- ill, incapacitated or retired -- still need social contacts. In our busy society, these folks are often forgotten, and it is hurtful. We will all get there someday and will fully understand how important an occasional phone call or greeting card can be. Please ask your readers to make a note on their calendar as a "reminder." If they do, someone will be very grateful for the kind gesture -- most likely the recipient -- but it may also be their family members. Kindness goes a long way. -- REMEMBERING IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR REMEMBERING: You have a caring soul. Your message is an important one, which is why I am sharing it with my readers. I know most of you are busy people, but a simple gesture can make a world of difference to those who may be isolated.