DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wife for 10 years. We have two beautiful daughters and have always had a great relationship.

Last month I was invited to go on a trip overseas and was hesitant about asking my wife. Once I did, she immediately said yes and told me to have a good time on the trip. She recently chose a career in the military and is away from home now.

While I was in Europe, I had three affairs and, at the time, enjoyed them. But Abby, this is not the man I am! I always maintained that I'd never, ever do something like that, and I'm still in shock that I did. My excuse at the time was that I was used to having a woman around me, and that I was compensating for my wife's absence. While that's no excuse, I have been dealing with my guilt by shedding tears because I love my wife so much.

Should I tell her what I did? I know it will never happen again, and I don't want her to resent me. Some people have told me not to say anything, while others say I should. What should I do? -- HURTING HUSBAND

DEAR HURTING HUSBAND: I don't know how many people you have confided in about this besides me, but the larger the number, the greater the chances are of word getting back to your wife about what happened in Europe.

Because what happens in Europe doesn't always stay in Europe, unlike Las Vegas, the first thing you should do is be tested for STDs to guarantee you didn't bring an unwanted "souvenir" home with you. If you are clean, discuss this with your religious adviser, if you have one. Justify it however you may wish, but what you did in Europe was a moral failure.

Because of her military career, your wife may have to be absent for various periods of time. How would you feel if the situation was reversed and she had numerous affairs while she was gone? It may be time for both of you to recommit to each other if your marriage is to survive. And the place to start is to be honest with each other, but not while your wife is deployed.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's 45-year-old sister-in-law recently got a boob job. She's a professional woman who used to be very conservative. Now she comes to family dinners wearing clingy low-cut shirts that leave little to the imagination. (Once she almost fell into the paella.)

My husband, teenage sons and I are uncomfortable. Does she want us to comment on them? She clearly wants them noticed, based on her attire. I'd ask her to cover up, but is that appropriate? She is very easily offended. If I do, it will likely be our last conversation. -- EMBARRASSED IN MONTANA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: While it would be nice if you could talk to your sister-in-law about this, because you can't, I'll offer another solution: When she's coming for dinner, crank the thermostat way down. And if she indicates that she's chilly, offer her a sweater. Problem solved.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 14 years and have two children. The first three years of marriage were great. We both cared for and respected each other. As our children grew older and our jobs have become more demanding, my husband has changed about how he views our sex life.

After our third year of marriage, my husband started raping me. No one knows this except an ex-sister-in-law.

At first, I didn't understand what was really happening. He was forceful and wouldn't take no for an answer. I went along with it at first, thinking I wasn't giving him enough attention and was doing the "wifely duty." But over the years it has become worse -- ripping my clothing off and holding me down.

I have told him it's not OK, but if I speak up, it leads to a fight. He says I don't show him I care for him and we don't have sex enough, so this is his way of getting it.

Abby, I have lost respect for the man I married. I no longer want to be intimate with him, because he doesn't respect me or my body. The only reason I have stayed this long is for my children. Is there hope in him changing? -- SLEEPING ON THE COUCH

DEAR SLEEPING ON THE COUCH: Ripping a spouse's clothing off and holding her (or him) down is not foreplay; it is spousal rape and a form of domestic abuse. It is a crime in all 50 states. The level of hostility in your home isn't healthy for you or your children, who may grow up thinking it is normal.

Because your husband may become violent if you tell him the marriage is over, contact RAINN -- (800) 656-4673; rainn.org -- and let them help you form a safe escape plan. It is not normal for a man to treat a woman the way your husband has. He is unlikely to change, and you need to look out for yourself and the children.

DEAR ABBY: My wife is in her 30s. She's a beautiful woman and a wonderful mother to our three children, and my soul mate. We've been married 10 years. She has many qualities I love and admire, but also one that causes me serious concern: her slouchy posture. She slouched a little when we married, but her posture has worsened dramatically since then.

We have spent thousands of dollars on personal trainers, massage and chiropractic. When we (infrequently) quarrel, she unconsciously slouches more, which drives me crazy. She's willing to see professional medical practitioners, but is unwilling to accept any responsibility for it. I can't bring it up without her getting bristly and defensive, but it's getting worse every year. It's also taking a toll on our relationship. I'd appreciate any advice you could share. -- DESPERATE FOR STRAIGHT TALK

DEAR DESPERATE: If your wife's posture is the only thing about her that causes you "serious concern," you are a lucky man. Believe me when I tell you I have been told far worse.

Correcting one's posture takes constant vigilance and determination. It's not easy, and not everyone is able to manage it. Slouching is a defensive posture, and if she slouches even more when you raise the subject, it may have something to do with the way you're doing it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 53-year-old woman who has finally met a kind, decent man after many abusive relationships. I honor our bond and have been open about my past, which has been colorful, to say the least.

I was an addict. It was a long addiction that left me homeless and almost killed me many times. I have kept this part of my life a secret from everyone out of shame and fear of judgment. I would love to be open about it with him and let him know how much drugs affected me, but I don't want to drive him away. Any advice is appreciated. -- EX-ADDICT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR EX-ADDICT: In one sentence you say you have been open about your past; in the next you say you are keeping your addiction and what it cost you a secret. You don't say how long you have known this man, or whether you plan to make this relationship permanent. If you do, you should tell him about your entire past because, if he finds out some other way, that is what could cause him to end the relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with my family. I am a woman in my 60s who does not and never has driven a car or any other vehicle. My older sister and brother think I have leprosy because I don't drive. How can I, or anyone in the same position as I am, get through to them that not everyone drives, and that those of us who don't or can't are like anyone else on this planet? -- NOT BEHIND THE WHEEL

DEAR NOT BEHIND THE WHEEL: Please clip this and share it with your sister and brother. Not everyone drives or aspires to. Some people are phobic about getting behind the wheel. Others recognize they are not good at it, while still others can't afford a car. Unless you have been imposing upon your relatives for transportation, they should not be critical of your choice.

My late mother was a nondriver. She quit after skidding into the back of a coal truck during a Wisconsin winter. I'll never forget it because it left me with a scar on my knee when it hit the air-conditioning vent. Viewed from my perspective, she made the right choice, and so have you. It's a wise person who knows their limitations.

DEAR ABBY: This may seem minor in the scheme of things, but it's driving me crazy. Occasionally we have a potluck day at work. The problem is, while there are always people who eat, others never bring food to share. It's usually the men in our office -- those who hold higher positions and make far more money than the rest of us. They are also the ones who eat the most. They go back for seconds before the rest of us have eaten. If they do occasionally bring anything, it's usually a bag of chips.

I'm tired of paying for their lunches when they are more than capable of providing something -- takeout from a deli or even asking their wives to help. I'm also tired of going to get my lunch and discovering most of the food is already gone. I would welcome your advice or any tips your readers may have. -- FED UP IN DES MOINES

DEAR FED UP: Try this: Assign a list of what people need to bring to the potluck so there won't be duplication. And when you do, specify that only those who participate can eat the food.