DEAR ABBY: I'm struggling because my stepson has chosen to get married on my birthday. I have been his stepmom for 18 years. It feels like a punch in the chest. My in-law family members are saying things like "OMG, how do you feel about that? I can't believe you're going to let that happen. It will no longer be your special day."

My feelings are deeply hurt. My husband says it's no big deal and I shouldn't let it bother me. But every time someone asks me about it, I feel hurt, and when I'm finally by myself, I cry. I don't know what to do. I need someone's help. Is what my stepson is doing bad etiquette, a slap in the face or no big deal? -- BIRTHDAY GIRL IN ILLINOIS

DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL: That your stepson would be married on your birthday isn't a slap in the face; it's a compliment. If you like his fiancee, consider her to be the ultimate birthday present. I'm surprised anyone would imply, as your in-laws have, that their anniversary would create any kind of conflict. Think of it this way: Your stepson and his new wife will never forget your birthday.

DEAR ABBY: As a single man, I have been on a few dating websites, and I'd like to say something to the women I have encountered: What is it about you that makes you worth my time to pursue? Many women show a lot of pictures, but reveal very little about themselves. Then some of them say in their last sentence that they "want more than 10 words to say hello." These women seem well-educated but unable to write more than a short paragraph about who they are.

Ladies, if you want more than a hi or hello, write something about yourselves beyond your likes and dislikes. Describe who you are, what your hopes and dreams are, and say something that I, as a man, would respond to in my introduction. If you did, it would help me to determine whether I should pursue you. -- IN THE DARK

DEAR IN THE DARK: You make a valid point. I'll be sure to reread your letter if I ever need to join a dating site, and so, I am sure, will my "sisters" out there. Thanks for the heads-up!

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law has had an incredible amount of cosmetic work done, particularly on her face. She is constantly looking for the next new thing to try to look younger -- "push this up, tighten that up, erase these marks," etc.

She is a pretty girl, and she thinks this is making her better-looking, but it's making her look worse. Should I let her know how I feel about what she's doing or leave it alone? -- AGING GRACEFULLY

DEAR AGING GRACEFULLY: What your sister-in-law does with her face and body is her business, just as what you are doing -- or not doing -- with yours is your choice. Much as you are tempted to tell her that her attempts to look better are futile, if you want a cordial relationship with her, keep your opinion to yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I live in a beachfront condo complex with a population of mostly retired people who are friendly and active. Last year a divorced woman moved in and was welcomed into the community. Although she has been invited to social gatherings and outings, she rarely attends. My wife and I went out of our way to try to make her feel comfortable. We had her to dinner in our home and asked her to join us for several outings. I also volunteered to do chores in her home, always accompanied by my wife.

Recently she confided to us that she has never really had any friends. She complains that she's not included and has criticized most of the residents at various times. Some of the things she says are cruel and unwarranted, including about people she doesn't know. She seems to enjoy trying to turn people against each other.

At a recent event, when a couple we know well entered the room, the wife came up to me and kissed me on the cheek. She later did the same to my wife, who was standing across the room. That's how she greets most people she knows. Later our "friend" told my wife I had been flirting with the other woman and she had seen me kiss her. A week later I learned she had told the woman's husband I flirted with his wife, which was untrue.

How do we react to this new neighbor? Should we confront her, distance ourselves from her, and/or warn others about her critical behavior and lying? -- MIFFED IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR MIFFED: The answer to all three of your questions is yes. And when you and your wife talk to your friends about this toxic woman, be sure to caution them that if they ever hear anything negative about anyone else from her, to always check with the person she is talking about to determine if what she said is true.

DEAR ABBY: I have lost a large portion of my vision, and will be trained soon in the use of a white cane. Although I still have some vision left, I often bump into things when I'm in unfamiliar surroundings. I'm sure the cane will be helpful and make me feel more secure.

There is something I think is important for your readers to know. When they see someone with a white cane, it does not necessarily mean the person is totally blind. I have read of instances where people were using their cane, but perhaps sat down at a bus stop and read a text on their cellphone. These people were accused of being fakes.

I am still able to read a newspaper, but I can no longer drive. I'm unable to see at night, and the loss of my peripheral vision has become dangerous for me. Please let your readers know that a person with a white cane may still be able to see to some degree, but they do need the cane for their own safety. -- SAFETY FIRST

DEAR SAFETY FIRST: Thank you for your letter. When I looked online for more information about white canes, I learned there are many different kinds. They include the "symbol cane," which is held to let others know the person is blind or vision-challenged. It's carried when out in public to remind others to be careful about possibly colliding with him or her.

Other canes are the "guide cane" and the "long cane," which are used to detect objects in front of the sightless person, to prevent tripping on curbs, steps or other objects. (There are also red-and-white banded canes, which indicate the person carrying one has a hearing impairment as well as sight loss.)

Readers, I know it's easy to be cynical, but if you see someone with a white cane, please do not accuse the person of faking, because he or she is contending with enough challenges already.

DEAR ABBY: I have a crush on a guy I work with. I'm 19, and he's 26. He has a kid, which actually doesn't bother me. I love kids and have taken care of them most of my life. My problem is he has this ex who wants to get back together with him. They broke up because she was staying out all night and cheating.

He used to flirt with me and text me all the time and offer me his hoodie. Now she's sort of back in the picture and he ignores me and doesn't return my texts. But when we see each other he starts flirting again, and we just click. We make sense.

I guess my question is, should I tell him how I feel before it's too late or just keep it to myself? Should I risk everything and go for it? -- UNCERTAIN IN NEW YORK

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Announce your feelings for the guy if you wish, but do not expect him to drop everything and rush to you. If he were interested in more than a workplace flirtation, he would be paying the same kind of attention to you that he did before. Because he isn't, you need to understand that he and his ex obviously have some unfinished business together, regardless of her history of infidelity. Set your sights on someone else.

DEAR ABBY: All my mom does is talk about work. If we are having a conversation, she links every topic to her work and her co-workers. It is alienating my sister and me. When we tell her things about our kids -- her grandkids -- she still relates it to work.

Another thing: She's constantly on her tablet for work or on Facebook. I live seven hours away from her. When we make the drive down, I don't want to watch her on her tablet. If we try to confront her on anything, all she does is cry.

Mom and I had a good relationship before she took that job. Now she's so negative that it's difficult to want to talk to her. Where do I even start? -- MISSING HER WHILE SHE'S HERE

DEAR MISSING: Rather than "confront" your mother, ask her what may have changed in her life since she took that job. Her focus may have shifted because that's the center of her activity. Conversations are two-way, and this may be all she feels she has to contribute on her end. As to her "hiding" behind Facebook rather than carry on a conversation with you, like many people, she may have become addicted to it and unable to tear herself away. However, you will never know unless you ask her calmly.

DEAR ABBY: I've gone to licensed mental health professionals on and off since I was 7. Talk therapy has been ineffective. What do you do when talking to a licensed therapist doesn't work? -- WANTS TO KNOW IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR WANTS: Sometimes a combination of talk therapy and medication can be more helpful than talk therapy alone. Because the many years of talk therapy alone haven't been effective, consult a psychologist who works with a psychiatrist, who can prescribe medications that may help you.