DEAR ABBY: My daughter and her boyfriend have been together for four years. Despite being almost 30, he is very immature and constantly distracted by either his phone or his video games.

Abby, he travels with his PlayStation everywhere he goes. When he comes into our house, he sets up his console in the living room, puts on headphones and plays games all day and night. If the family asks to use the TV for a few hours, he will sit on the sofa and take a nap or pull out his phone and continue gaming.

I know nothing more about him than I did the first month I met him. He is rude, boorish, self-centered and has a criminal record (drugs). They live in another state, and for my daughter's sake, I try to accommodate him. When I asked for them to "visit us, not our TV," she became very defensive.

Is this the new norm? Must I provide a TV in their room for when they stay? When they went to visit his family who live near us, he took the system to their house for the three-hour visit.

How do I deal with this addiction? My daughter now wants to bring him along while we have our mother/daughter lunch and manicures. It's like he's 3 and has to tag along. He has no friends. When she goes out for a night with her girlfriends, we are expected to "baby-sit." I've never encountered anything like this. Please advise me. -- DONE MOTHERING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DONE: I'll try, but first you will have to admit your part in creating this problem. You have to learn to say no to your daughter and her "boy"friend. If you want to watch television for a few hours during their visit, remember it's your home and you don't have to apologize for it. If you want a mother/daughter lunch and manicures, and she wants to drag him along, say, "No, this is our mother/daughter time. An hour or so alone with you is not too much to ask."

The solution to your problem is to stop allowing your daughter -- and her socially inadequate boyfriend -- to dictate what's happening under your roof and in your life. Until you put your foot down, nothing will change.

DEAR ABBY: By coincidence, I have a niece and nephew who will be graduating at the same time this spring. My nephew is getting a degree from a four-year college. My niece is getting a beautician's license from a high school/trade school. She has no plans to attend college.

I will be giving them both graduation gifts, but should the amount be based on their level of education, or the fact that they have both completed their educations?

I don't want my niece to feel slighted. She chose a profession she loves but does not require further education. I also don't want my nephew to feel slighted because he worked longer at far greater expense. -- UNSURE IN THE EAST

DEAR UNSURE: If you are worried that your niece and nephew will compare your gifts, give each the same amount. What these gifts memorialize is not the money that was spent on their educations, but rather that they have both attained the level of education for which they were working.

DEAR ABBY: I've recently started seeing someone, and we have shared a wealth of information about ourselves with each other. When I asked him his last name, he said it was "Erickson." When I asked him if he had a middle name, he responded that he didn't.

Soon after, I saw his driver's license. It had a completely different last name from the one he gave me, and it turns out he does have a middle name after all. Now I'm starting to question everything he told me, and I'm afraid he may have lied about even bigger things.

What reason would he possibly have to lie about such a simple thing? And how should I confront him about it? -- JUST PLAIN CONFUSED IN GEORGIA

DEAR CONFUSED: The reason someone would give false information is usually because the person has something to hide. Unless "Mr. Erickson" is in witness protection, my guess is he is married or has a criminal record he doesn't want you to discover. Rather than confront him and be lied to again, run in the opposite direction and cease any further contact with him!

DEAR ABBY: I am an avid fisherman with limited boating knowledge. Recently, a friend bought an older used boat that has questionable integrity. He keeps inviting me to go out on it with him, and I'm running out of excuses not to.

The real reason is my friend is inexperienced and the boat is unreliable. I don't want to be stuck out in the bay in a boat we can't fix. What's the best way to handle this? -- LEERY FISHERMAN IN TEXAS

DEAR LEERY: The way to approach it would be to tell your friend the truth. Ask if he has taken a boating safety course, and if the answer is no, suggest he do it -- or that you do it together.

As to the integrity of the vessel, ask your friend if the boat was inspected at the time of purchase, and if it wasn't, urge him -- for everyone's safety -- to have it done.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter has two children, a 7-year-old boy and a girl who is 4. They were at an event with some of her co-workers the other day. Everyone was talking to the younger child, telling her how cute she was and ignoring the older one. It was like he was invisible. He was so deflated.

I remember this happening with my girls when they were little. People always seem to gravitate to the little ones and pay no attention to the older ones. It has always bothered me. So, people, please be mindful of all the children. They are all precious. -- BOTHERED GRANDMA

DEAR BOTHERED: You're right, this happens all too often. In a case like this, all it would have taken would have been for someone to have complimented your daughter on her son's behavior and said within earshot of the boy how lucky the little one was to have such a "good boy" for an older brother. I hope you spoke up. It takes only a moment to say something nice to someone of any age who needs the attention.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Hal," and I have been dating for a year and a half, living together for six months. I'm afraid he feels emasculated. Because I make more money than he does, a lot of the responsibility for paying the bills lands on me. We try to split things down the middle, but recent complications with his job have meant it doesn't always work out that way.

I love Hal. I know he's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don't want money to be a dividing force, but I don't know what to say to make him feel better. This has been the elephant in the room for some time.

Hal helps out with cooking and housework, and because of that, I don't mind putting a little more into the bills. I do not want this to be an issue further down the road. Any advice is appreciated. -- STUCK ON THIS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR STUCK: The problem with elephants in the room is, the longer they are ignored, the larger the herd becomes. It's amazing that two important subjects -- sex and finances -- are such touchy ones to discuss.

Choose a time when you and Hal are relaxed, and then bring up your concerns. Tell him how much you appreciate him in your life and the efforts he makes to make life easier for you, and that you don't want money issues to cause problems between the two of you. He may need to hear you say it. Then encourage him to express his feelings the way you have.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY ASIAN READERS: The Year of the Dog begins today. People born in the Year of the Dog are independent, sincere, loyal and decisive. Undaunted by life's challenges, they enjoy harmonious relationships with those around them. Famous individuals who share this zodiac birthday are Winston Churchill, Mother Teresa, President Bill Clinton, Elvis Presley and Madonna. I wish a happy, healthy new year to all of you who celebrate this holiday.