life

Couple Celebrates 50 Years Together With Abby's Blessing

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 14th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: When I was 16 and wanted to get married, my father suggested I write to Dear Abby (your mom was writing the column back then) and ask her opinion. He said he would agree with what she said. I did, and Abby wrote me back. We did get married, and I decided that on our 25th anniversary, I would let you know how we were doing. You printed my letter.

As we celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary year, I want you to know our marriage has only strengthened. A very young couple who began life together with no idea what path we would take has experienced the best that life could offer. We have two beautiful daughters, wonderful grandchildren and a great-grandchild. We've had success in our careers, traveled the world, visited every state in our great country and can confidently relate that life has been good.

Commitment through the good and bad times is the key to a lasting marriage. It isn't always easy, but the rewards far outweigh the problems. -- TOOK THE ADVICE IN MONTANA

DEAR TOOK THE ADVICE: I'm pleased to know you are as happy on your 50th anniversary as you were on your 25th. It's interesting you would say that the key to a lasting marriage is commitment. I would offer that it is also mutual respect. (My mother once said that the key to a lasting marriage is a husband who lasts!)

My warmest congratulations to you both, and a very happy Valentine's Day to you, your husband and to all my readers.

Marriage & DivorceHolidays & Celebrations
life

Snide Remarks to Woman Bodybuilder Make Her Husband See Red

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 14th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm married to a beautiful woman, "Suzonne." We are bodybuilders and into fitness, so we are both quite muscular.

Recently, my wife cut her hair short. It's a great look for her, and we both love the style. Unfortunately, some people have begun calling her "sir" at work and when she's out and about. Suzonne waits tables a couple of nights a week for extra income. Some of the customers have gone so far as to keep calling her "sir" after she has told them that she's female.

This infuriates me because it's so disrespectful. I know it hurts my wife's feelings, although she has been super strong about it. It's plain when you look at Suzonne that she is a beautiful woman.

How can she nip this in the bud before it starts to make her feel bad? I feel a strong need to defend her, and I don't want to get into a physical altercation with anyone over it. -- HURT FEELINGS IN FLORIDA

DEAR HURT FEELINGS: Because your wife has a muscular build and a short haircut, it's possible some of the individuals who call her "sir" are making an honest mistake. However, for someone to persist after being informed that she is a woman is extremely rude. (It makes me wonder if the offender has a warped sense of humor or is threatened by her muscular appearance.)

When it happens at work, Suzonne should ask her manager how the situation should be handled rather than allow it to continue. But under no circumstances should you get into a physical altercation because of it. Instead, on the home front, continue to reassure your wife that she's beautiful.

Etiquette & EthicsSex & Gender
life

Man Rejects Wife's Suggestion for a Backup Plan

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 14th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband refuses to memorize my cellphone number. He says as long as it's in his phone he doesn't need to. I feel he should know it so if he loses the phone or the battery goes dead, I can be reached. What do you think? -- LOGICAL IN KANSAS

DEAR LOGICAL: Experience is the best teacher. I think you should stop arguing with your husband and let him suffer the consequences. An option might be for him to jot the number on a small piece of paper and keep it in his wallet.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Wife Loses Lust for Husband, but Wants to Save Marriage

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 13th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm not attracted to my husband. I love him and don't want to live without him, but I do not want to be physically intimate with him. I know it is unfair to him, and I have tried everything from antidepressants to meditation to diet, but nothing works.

I used to have a high libido, but I haven't wanted to have sex with him in years. We do it maybe two or three times a month because I force myself to, but it is unpleasant for me. He doesn't want to guilt me into sex and hates that I force myself, but he has a very high libido.

We are in our mid-20s and I know this is killing him -- and us. I am attracted to some (but very few) others -- just not to him. I have always been more emotionally attracted to women than men, but I don't think that is it. I need help before our marriage starts to crumble. -- AVOIDING IT IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR AVOIDING IT: I can't wave a magic wand and make you more physically attracted to your husband. I can suggest that the most sensitive sexual organ in a woman's body resides between her ears.

However, I am not qualified to diagnose whether your problem may be of a physical nature. That's why I'm advising you to ask your doctor to perform a thorough physical examination. If he or she finds nothing amiss, ask the doctor -- or your health insurance company -- to refer you to a licensed mental health professional who can help you figure out what's going on.

Sex & GenderMarriage & Divorce
life

Awkward Silences Dominate Dinner Party With Neighbors

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 13th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I moved to a new town last year and are working on settling in and making friends. Our way has been to accept every invitation offered in hopes of building relationships in this small community.

We recently had dinner at the home of a neighbor couple who were very welcoming, but we quickly realized the four of us have absolutely nothing in common. Making conversation through the meal and coffee taxed all of our small-talk skills, and there were many painful silences. Any foray into current events, family life -- even gardening -- revealed stark differences that brought conversation to a screeching halt. We made an excuse to go home early and sent a thank-you note the next day.

Usually, I think a dinner invitation requires a reciprocal invitation in the future. In this case, I'm wondering if it would be better to just let it go. Would it be rude to not reciprocate, or must I suck it up? If we must have them over, how do I ensure the second dinner goes better than the first? We hope to live here for a long time. -- DIFFERENT IN THE WEST

DEAR DIFFERENT: Do the right thing and invite the couple for dinner. It does not have to be in your home -- a nice restaurant would do. If the evening was as uncomfortable as you have described, they may not accept your invitation. But if they do, a way to make conversation flow more easily might be to include another couple.

Etiquette & EthicsFriends & Neighbors
life

Medicinal Marijuana User Is Shunned by Husband's Family

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 12th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law found out I smoke marijuana. I have a medical card and some mental disabilities. Marijuana helps with my anxiety.

Although we live near each other, my in-laws now say they don't want me in their homes. The stress this has put on my husband is unfair. His brother obviously has a problem with me.

I never discuss marijuana with anyone and don't carry it around with me. I use it only in the privacy of my home. How should I expect my husband to handle holidays or even regular get-togethers? I really need help. -- UNFAIR IN NEVADA

DEAR UNFAIR: Medical and recreational marijuana are legal for adults in the state of Nevada. I wish you had mentioned how your brother-in-law learned you are using it. That it is being used as an excuse to isolate you is cruel.

How your husband chooses to handle further contact -- or lack of it -- with his relatives will be his personal decision. Not knowing how close they have been, I can't guess what his next step should be -- except to point out that his first loyalty should be to you.

Family & ParentingHealth & SafetyMental HealthHolidays & Celebrations
life

Class Schedule Works Against Girl Looking for Conversation Starters

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 12th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a sophomore in high school, and I need some boy help. I go to a small school, where there are only 60 sophomores, and we're all pretty close.

There's this one guy that I kind of like, but I don't know how to strike up a conversation with him. I know I could ask him for rides to places, since he can drive and I can't yet.

My problem is I have no classes with him this year, so I can't do any of the "can you help me with homework" or "did you understand this concept" flirting. He invites me to his parties, but he does that with almost everyone.

I know this is a bit of a random jumble of a letter, but I'm hoping for advice on how to start a conversation, especially because we share no classes. -- SMALL SCHOOL PROBLEM

DEAR SMALL SCHOOL PROBLEM: Discuss current events, pop culture or school activities. Tell him about things you like. Because many high school-age boys are interested in sports, find out which ones he's interested in and ask questions about those. Unless he's sports-averse, I can almost guarantee it'll generate conversation.

Love & DatingWork & SchoolTeens
life

Joy Over First Grandchild Is Crushed by Husband's Pessimistic Reaction

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 12th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Today I received the best news ever. My son and his wife are expecting their first child. I am beyond happy for them.

I was so excited, I couldn't wait to tell my husband. His reaction? "Don't tell me 'Cathy' is pregnant! I hope your son will be able to support it!" "IT" is my future first grandchild -- and my husband's first (step-)grandchild.

My son and his wife do very well financially. He has a great job and is up for a promotion. I always feel like no matter what I say, my husband always has to put a negative spin on it. Or am I overreacting? -- HAPPY GRANDMA-TO-BE

DEAR HAPPY: Your husband either has a questionable sense of humor or enjoys putting people down. Surely you knew this before you married him, so rather than dwell on it, choose not to let him rain on your parade.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & ParentingMoney

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