DEAR ABBY: I was divorced for 10 years, and am now remarried. Four months after we said "I do," my first husband left me (on Valentine's Day!) without a word.

It was out of character for him not to come home, and I was so worried I reported him to the police as a missing person. If that wasn't enough, he left me owing the power and water bills, and our rent was three months behind.

A few weeks later, he sent me an email. It read: "Don't bother me. I'm fine. Move on!" I was trying to do exactly that when, a month later, he knocked on my door, asking me to forgive him. I thought I had, but it still bothers me.

My ex is now begging me to give him a second chance. He has changed so much for the good, and he says he has never been with anyone more than two weeks because they can't live up to me. I have always loved him. He had a drinking problem, but he has been clean and sober now for nine years.

I'm not really happy with my second husband. I haven't been for a long time, and now I have someone I have always loved who wants me back, and I don't know what to do. Please help. -- CONFOUNDED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR CONFOUNDED: I'm sorry you didn't describe what has gone wrong in your second marriage because if it's fixable, you promised to love and honor your current husband until ... well, you know the drill. It would be a mistake to throw him aside without first trying to fix the problem.

Your first husband treated you with brutal disregard. If he has changed, he wouldn't be trying to break up your marriage. Be warned.

DEAR ABBY: I have been going through some tough times during the last few months. I have handled them as well as I can, but something just pushed me over the edge.

I'm not formally educated. I have no college education. I graduated from high school, but I was home-schooled and people tend to not take me seriously when they find that out. I opted out of college because I couldn't afford the loans. I love to learn and have continued to educate myself.

But today, someone I respected told me I'm not as smart as he is because I never went to college. He outright called me stupid and said I should stop pretending to be intelligent.

Abby, I am skilled with my hands. I own my own business and spend most of my time reading on various topics. When I told him his comment hurt me, he laughed and said that just proved I wasn't as intelligent as he is. I know he's not right, but I can't stop thinking about it. Can you help me? -- STREET SMART IN ALASKA

DEAR STREET SMART: Gladly! The individual you were talking to isn't intelligent; he is a classless boor who tries to make himself feel superior by putting down the people around him.

If you are as smart as you say you are, you will avoid him as though he has an infectious social disease. It's true, because cruelty can be contagious.

DEAR ABBY: I grew up watching my mom being abused by her husband. It was terrible. Unfortunately, he eventually murdered her. She was only 36. I was 16 at the time, and although it has taken almost 30 years, I have finally found peace.

My message is to people who are currently experiencing abuse. No one deserves to be battered physically, mentally or emotionally. When people suffer from addiction (alcohol, drugs, etc.), they can get help only when they are ready. However, with domestic violence, the victims must consider not only themselves, but also their children. If you are a victim of domestic violence, please get out and get help. -- HEALED IN GEORGIA

DEAR HEALED: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother at such a tender age. In her memory, I will again print the phone number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline. It is (800) 799-7233. There is a separate TTY number for individuals who are deaf or hard of hearing. It's (800) 787-3224. Its website is thehotline.org. Help is available if victims recognize they need it and reach out.

DEAR ABBY: I enjoy weekly massages from a popular self-employed masseuse. I have a standing appointment. If I cancel within 24 hours, I understand that I must pay her. However, if I give her more notice, must I still give her some remuneration? We have never discussed it.

I feel bad about canceling, as she may rely on this income, but it's difficult to pay for the event that requires me to cancel in addition to a massage that didn't happen. What would you do? -- UNSURE IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNSURE: Your masseuse has a 24-hour cancellation policy so when clients can't keep the appointment, she can fill in the time with someone else. Most personal service professionals understand that from time to time appointments must be skipped or changed.

Because you are worried about her, talk with her about it and ask if she can slot you in at a different time if there's a schedule conflict. It would be a win-win. She'll get the money, and you will still have your weekly massage, which, clearly, is important to you or you wouldn't have a standing appointment.

DEAR ABBY: I am worried about my best friend. She never eats at school, and I don't think she's eating at home either. She's beginning to get weak. Yesterday we were playing ball in P.E., and when she caught the ball, I saw her wince. I asked her if she was OK, and she said yes, but I'm still worried. What should I do? -- SCARED FOR HER

DEAR SCARED: Talk to your P.E. teacher about the fact that you are worried about your friend and why. She may not be eating because she thinks she needs to lose weight. Or she may have a serious eating disorder. The teacher will know what to do. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: Recently a friend came over and took me to lunch. She has a small, 50-year-old vintage car that was very popular in the '60s. She had come from Marin County over the Golden Gate Bridge to my house.

As she drove us to the restaurant, her car stalled twice. It was very underpowered and, in my opinion, rickety. After she dropped me home, I sent her an email strongly expressing my concern that she is driving an unsafe car. I was worried for her safety. She took offense, so I apologized.

She has plenty of money to buy a safe used car like anyone else, but she says, "I like driving vintage." I don't want to get into her car again. Was I wrong to tell her I felt her car was unsafe? -- NERVOUS PASSENGER IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR PASSENGER: You weren't wrong to warn her. However, you may have been wrong to assume that she has "plenty of money to buy a safe used car." Nobody has as much money as others assume they do. Because you don't want to get into her car again, you should provide the transportation from now on or meet her at the restaurant.

DEAR ABBY: My across-the-street neighbor and I have become friendly. She has a 15-month-old and a newborn. Not only is she not married to the baby's daddy, but they don't even live together.

She has been asking me to help her a lot now that the baby is born. I'm 10 years older and raising three kids, all in their teens.

Abby, I don't want to raise anyone else's kids. How can I politely tell her that I have my own family to care for? She has a tendency to overreact. -- KEEPING DISTANCE

DEAR KEEPING DISTANCE: To tell your neighbor you "don't want to raise anyone else's kids" may be accurate, but it's a bit rough. When she asks you to do things for her, be pleasant and say -- consistently -- that you are busy, you don't have time, you have other plans, etc. If you do, she will soon realize that you are not to be depended upon.

DEAR ABBY: My son has lived overseas on and off for six years. He's being married to a wonderful young woman where they met, which was in Wales. Needless to say, not everyone can attend, so we are having a reception for them here in the States.

My son already has a fully furnished house overseas and doesn't need anything, plus the cost of taking gifts back would be astronomical! Anyway, he is thinking of asking for monetary help with the honeymoon. Would this be all right to do and, if so, how do you ask people for it? -- HELP FOR THE HONEYMOON

DEAR HELP: Many young people today post requests like that on their wedding website. Or, because friends and relatives may ask what they need after receiving invitations or announcements, the message can be conveyed verbally. According to the rules of etiquette, however, requests for gifts or money should never be included with the invitations or announcements.