DEAR ABBY: Recently a friend came over and took me to lunch. She has a small, 50-year-old vintage car that was very popular in the '60s. She had come from Marin County over the Golden Gate Bridge to my house.

As she drove us to the restaurant, her car stalled twice. It was very underpowered and, in my opinion, rickety. After she dropped me home, I sent her an email strongly expressing my concern that she is driving an unsafe car. I was worried for her safety. She took offense, so I apologized.

She has plenty of money to buy a safe used car like anyone else, but she says, "I like driving vintage." I don't want to get into her car again. Was I wrong to tell her I felt her car was unsafe? -- NERVOUS PASSENGER IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR PASSENGER: You weren't wrong to warn her. However, you may have been wrong to assume that she has "plenty of money to buy a safe used car." Nobody has as much money as others assume they do. Because you don't want to get into her car again, you should provide the transportation from now on or meet her at the restaurant.

DEAR ABBY: My across-the-street neighbor and I have become friendly. She has a 15-month-old and a newborn. Not only is she not married to the baby's daddy, but they don't even live together.

She has been asking me to help her a lot now that the baby is born. I'm 10 years older and raising three kids, all in their teens.

Abby, I don't want to raise anyone else's kids. How can I politely tell her that I have my own family to care for? She has a tendency to overreact. -- KEEPING DISTANCE

DEAR KEEPING DISTANCE: To tell your neighbor you "don't want to raise anyone else's kids" may be accurate, but it's a bit rough. When she asks you to do things for her, be pleasant and say -- consistently -- that you are busy, you don't have time, you have other plans, etc. If you do, she will soon realize that you are not to be depended upon.

DEAR ABBY: My son has lived overseas on and off for six years. He's being married to a wonderful young woman where they met, which was in Wales. Needless to say, not everyone can attend, so we are having a reception for them here in the States.

My son already has a fully furnished house overseas and doesn't need anything, plus the cost of taking gifts back would be astronomical! Anyway, he is thinking of asking for monetary help with the honeymoon. Would this be all right to do and, if so, how do you ask people for it? -- HELP FOR THE HONEYMOON

DEAR HELP: Many young people today post requests like that on their wedding website. Or, because friends and relatives may ask what they need after receiving invitations or announcements, the message can be conveyed verbally. According to the rules of etiquette, however, requests for gifts or money should never be included with the invitations or announcements.

DEAR ABBY: My son and his wife have been together 10 years. They met and fell in love young. They are only 25 and have two beautiful children.

I remarried three years ago, and my son's wife was instantly attracted to my 54-year-old husband. It's always uncomfortable for the two of us when they come to visit. She stares at him throughout the entire visit, tries to either sit right next to him or directly across from him, and expects a hug every time they arrive and leave. (We finally put a stop to it because she would wait to hug him last and then hold him extra long.)

My husband confided that he's flattered a 25-year-old gives him that much attention. Three years of this can be very wearing. Anything I can do and not lose my son? -- AWKWARD IN THE EAST

DEAR AWKWARD: Tell your son that it appears his wife has a crush on your husband, and that while he is flattered that someone so young would find him attractive, her behavior makes both of you uncomfortable. Then let him explain to her that it is time to cool her engines.

DEAR ABBY: I have been best friends with a woman for 30 years, but lately our relationship has become strained. If I do something that irritates her, she gives me the cold shoulder and won't return my phone calls. When she eventually calls back, she's distant and cold.

I was out of the country for an extended period, and when I returned, she was upset with me for not phoning her. Now she's upset with me because my husband and I missed an important milestone because of a family emergency.

I am tired of her passive-aggressive behavior, and I have come to realize that our lives have taken us in different directions. Mine is family-oriented. Hers is not because she has no children. Am I wrong to feel this way? -- FRUSTRATED IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR FRUSTRATED: No, your perception is accurate. Your "bestie" appears to be unusually high maintenance. Rather than allow her to make you feel guilty, realize that not all friendships last forever, and this one may have run its course. Talk to her and express your feelings about this, but be prepared for the fact that it will probably end your relationship.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are in our 60s. We have been married for some time and are very open-minded. She keeps insisting that she does not remember her first sexual experience. I would be curious to understand why in the world, unless someone was inebriated, the person would not recall this huge milestone. -- BEWILDERED IN THE WEST

DEAR BEWILDERED: Not every question needs an answer. If your wife's first experience was unpleasant or traumatic, she may have repressed the memory. Or she may simply prefer not to discuss it with you. My intuition tells me that you will have nothing to gain by continuing to push her. If you do, it not only won't bring you closer; it may do the opposite.

DEAR ABBY: I recently moved back home to help take care of my mom. We get along well, but there's one major issue. She has to care for my brother's four kids every day and is pretty much raising them. Because they are loud, whiny, rude and demanding, my mother snaps and yells at them constantly. It makes life miserable for everyone.

My brother refuses to accept the fact that he's taking advantage of our mom financially and emotionally. He has plenty to say about me moving back home, though, even though I help to pay bills and contribute. Never once has he offered to make a dent in the huge grocery bill his children ring up, and he complains about how much gas Mom uses toting them to the half-dozen or so programs he has them in.

I have PTSD, and the situation is taking its toll on me to the point that I can no longer be around the kids or my mom. Is there anything I can do? Or must I just accept that this is how life will be if I choose to stay home? -- TAKING A TOLL IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR TAKING A TOLL: Have a talk with your mother about her short fuse with the grandchildren, and figure out why it's happening. If she is so stressed or sick that she can't manage them, correct them and give them positive reinforcement, they should not be under her supervision.

Your brother should not expect his mother to foot the bill for feeding and transporting them. If your mother can't make him understand that, then the two of you should make clear that if he doesn't pony up, his children will have to go to day care rather than Grandma's.

And last, because this unpleasant family dynamic is taking a toll on you, you must decide if you want to remain in that household under those conditions, or if coming home to take care of your mother was a mistake you should rectify.

DEAR ABBY: We are a couple in our 70s living in drought-stricken Southern California. Our dearest friends moved to Nevada three years ago, and we visit them often.

What drives me crazy when we visit is the way they use water. When we finish a meal, my hostess will go to the sink and rinse the dishes before putting them into the dishwasher. I mentioned to her that it was only necessary to scrape the plates, that the dishwasher is designed to wash dirty dishes, and she agreed -- temporarily. The last time we visited, she was back to her old habits. Also, she runs the dishwasher when it's only half-full, instead of waiting until there's a full load.

I realize that Nevada is not having a drought, but I find her water waste very upsetting. I'm aware that it's her house and her water and she can do what she wants, but is there anything you can suggest that I can say or do to get her to cut down on her water usage? -- PARCHED IN SO-CAL

DEAR PARCHED: I have news for you. California is not the only state that has suffered through drought problems. Nevada has plenty of them, too. Make the speech you're dying to make once and get it off your chest. After that, be a gracious guest and keep your mouth shut. You are not the drought police, and if you keep harping on this, you may no longer be a welcome houseguest.