life

Make the Most of a New Year by Taking One Day at a Time

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 1st, 2018

DEAR READERS: Welcome to 2018! A new year has arrived, and with it our chance for a new beginning.

Today we have an opportunity to discard destructive old habits for healthy new ones, and with that in mind, I will share Dear Abby's often-requested list of New Year's Resolutions -- which were adapted by my late mother, Pauline Phillips, from the original credo of Al-Anon:

JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once.

I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I am overweight, I will eat healthfully -- if only just for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.

And now, Dear Readers, I would like to share an item that was sent to me by L.J. Bhatia, a reader from New Delhi, India:

DEAR ABBY: This year, no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say, "Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bondages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature."

The prayer of St. Francis (of which there are several versions) contains a powerful message:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive,

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

And so, Dear Readers, may 2018 bring with it good health, peace and joy to all of you. -- LOVE, ABBY

Holidays & Celebrations
life

Animal Advocate Says Waste Lures Wildlife Into Danger

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 31st, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am president and co-founder of the Wildlife Center of Virginia, one of the leading teaching and research hospitals for wildlife medicine in the world. We have treated more than 70,000 wild patients since our organization was established 35 years ago. Like the reader ("An Apple a Day," Aug. 11) who is under the impression that throwing an apple core out the car window is doing something positive for the Earth, many individuals make "little" decisions without considering the unintended consequences.

The example of the apple core has been at the heart of our education program for more than three decades. Before throwing that apple core out the window believing that some small animal will come finish what's left, people should consider what will happen if the animal coming to eat their scraps happens to be on the other side of the road.

Throwing out that apple core will lure that creature into harm's way. Countless opossums, raccoons, skunks and other small mammals are killed every day because of human food waste on the shoulder of the road. And it doesn't stop there. Predators like owls also suffer. They hunt along the side of the road, not because they eat apple cores, but because they eat the mice, voles and other small animals who are attracted to feed on that apple core. Then, when the opossum, raccoon or owl is killed by a car, scavengers are attracted to the pavement, where their lives, too, are at risk.

If readers want to help the Earth, they should take their waste home and dispose of it or recycle it properly. The small act of throwing an apple core out of a car window can cost the lives of the very creatures they claim to want to help. -- EDWARD CLARK, WAYNESBORO, VA.

DEAR MR. CLARK: When that letter appeared, I received a flurry of mail about it. Many readers touched on some of the points you have expressed. Thank you for writing so eloquently to educate my readers -- and me. Lesson learned.

Health & Safety
life

Strong-Willed College Graduate Can't Keep a Job

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 31st, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm 29 and I'm having trouble holding down a steady job. I am a college graduate, and it's not because I don't like to work. My problem is I have a strong personality and I tend to butt heads with management. Deep down, I think I'll only be satisfied with a job if I'm the boss or own my own business. Do you have any suggestions about positions for someone who can't handle having a boss? -- MISS INDEPENDENT IN THE BRONX

DEAR MISS INDEPENDENT: No. Unless someone has rich parents or a magic lamp, most people have to work for -- or with -- others until they build enough capital to start a business. Even then, business owners must interact with clients they don't always agree with. Because you tend to butt heads with those in management positions, you would be wise to start working on becoming more patient and less dogmatic. Both qualities will help you in the future if you can develop them.

Work & School
life

Happy New Year!

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 31st, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR READERS: Well, 2017 is at an end. Out with the old year, and in with the new one. Please accept my heartfelt good wishes for a happy, healthy and prosperous 2018. And -- as I caution you every year -- if you are partying tonight, PLEASE be safe! Appoint a designated driver and remind that person to drive defensively. -- LOVE, ABBY

Health & SafetyHolidays & Celebrations
life

Cheating Partner Shifts Blame for Collapse of Relationship

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 30th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My partner of 11 years has decided he is no longer in love with me. He says it's because he thinks I cheated on him. I have told him repeatedly that it didn't happen, which is the truth.

Long story short, he says he wants us to start over as friends and see where things go because he doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. However, he's sleeping with a 22-year-old here in the home we share. I love him so much that it hurts. When I tell him every day that I love him, he tells me he knows. Our relationship hasn't been a bed of roses, but we did have good times when we were able to do things together. Should I hold out for him, or tell him the "friends" thing is not going to work and cut ties altogether? -- CONFUSED AND LOST GUY

DEAR GUY: I don't blame you for feeling confused and lost, considering the mixed messages you have been getting from your partner. What you are experiencing now is, of course, painful. He is making excuses for wanting to trade you in for a newer model. This is why he is accusing you of having done something that he is doing under your nose.

The only true confession he has uttered is that he doesn't want to be in a relationship. That is your cue to head for the door, unless, of course, the roof over your head belongs to you. If your home is rented or jointly owned, other arrangements will have to be made. But for the sake of your sanity, do not live with him under these conditions, or he will make you old before your time.

Love & Dating
life

Aunt Is Alarmed at Girl's Obvious Neglect

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 30th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My family includes a niece and her husband with three kids ranging in age from 8 months to 7 years old. The middle child, a 5-year-old girl, is allowed to choose her own outfits for family gatherings and school, with appalling results. Her hair, which is long and tangled, goes unbrushed. Her ill-fitting clothes are worn and inappropriate for the weather and school. When I discussed it with her parents, their answer fell flat.

Because she's learning to dress herself without parental guidance, she's not learning what's appropriate. When they came for Thanksgiving dinner the child showed up in summer clothes -- sleeveless top, thin cotton skirt, etc. By the end of the evening, she appeared ill.

I'm surprised neglect charges haven't been filed against the parents. Any suggestions to get across to them that their parenting style is lacking? -- WORRIED RELATIVE

DEAR WORRIED: Your dilemma isn't how to get across to the parents that they need to teach their child better fashion choices. If that little girl is going around with tangled hair and summer clothes in cold weather, it may be that her parents are unable or unwilling to give her the basics. I, too, am surprised that the school hasn't contacted Child Protective Services to do a welfare check. Since they haven't, you should talk to these parents again and voice your concerns.

Holidays & CelebrationsFamily & Parenting

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