DEAR ABBY: I am not a hugger. In fact, I pretty much always hate it. But people think I'm rude when I don't open my arms to hug after they've opened theirs. And they also think I'm rude when I tell them I'm not really a hugger. It happens with friends, fellow church congregants and audience members (I'm an entertainer) all the time. Although I let the hugs happen, I'm usually holding my breath the whole time.

Once I've "Hey girl'd" someone and offered my warmest smile, what more can I do? I don't want people I like to think I don't like them, or I'm not happy to see them. But I'm fed up with faking it and participating in this ritual that makes me so uncomfortable. If there's a polite, clear way to convey this to people without seeming cold or unappreciative, please let me know what it is. -- BRACING FOR THE EMBRACE

DEAR BRACING: You are not alone in feeling the way you do. Not everyone is comfortable with being hugged. I think you should simply be honest about your feelings and tell the huggers that you become claustrophobic when people hug you, and to please understand that your reluctance isn't personal. If you make it about you rather than them, it shouldn't come across as rejection.

DEAR ABBY: My son and daughter-in-law are splitting up. I'm devastated for them and my two young grandchildren, with whom I'm very close.

They live in another state, so I stay with them when I go visit. Although we've always had a great relationship, I'm terrified that my daughter-in-law will not want me to visit her after the divorce. I'm heartsick and don't know how to proceed.

What can I do to maintain a good relationship with her, while staying on good terms with my son? My grandchildren mean the world to me. -- HEARTSICK IN THE WEST

DEAR HEARTSICK: The last thing you want or need is to get caught in the middle of the divorce. Try your level best not to take sides and be sure to give your almost-ex-daughter-in-law her space.

Assure her that you care about her and that you deeply regret that the marriage with your son didn't work out. (It's true.) Tell her you have grown to love her as a daughter and hope that, in spite of the divorce, you will always be close. Do not discuss any intimate details or assign blame, if you can possibly avoid it, and try to keep your visits upbeat while concentrating on your grandchildren.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I will soon attend a weekend wedding. We will be meeting a large number of people for the first time.

My problem is I have a hard time remembering people's names. I suggested to my wife that I carry a pocket-size notebook and write down names followed by a brief description. She thinks it's a great idea as long as no one catches me doing it. I think, in addition to being practical, it will provide a bit of humor to the occasion. What say you? -- SENSIBLE IN SEATTLE

DEAR SENSIBLE: I agree with your wife. Be discreet, if you can. Rather than carry a notebook, it might be less obvious if you enter or dictate the information in the notes section of your phone.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a teenage girl who has always heard and seen on TV and in movies that there's pressure from guys to have sex. That may be true, but I feel there is also pressure from society. I never thought I would feel like that when I got to high school, but now I do. It hurts, and I am writing this for all the girls who feel the same way I do about it. I have been struggling with it for a few days, and it is messing with me a lot.

I know I don't want to have sex yet, but I still feel like I have to. "Tom" really wants to, but he isn't a virgin. It scares me, and while he isn't pressuring me, I feel like there is a boulder on my shoulders. If you know how I can stop feeling like this, please let me know. -- PRESSURE FROM SOCIETY

DEAR PRESSURE: A surefire way to feel less pressured into doing something you're not ready for would be to stop assuming Tom's sex drive is your responsibility.

Remember that although many teenage girls have been pressured into having sex, a sizable number have not. If you choose to wait until you are older, that's your privilege, because regardless of what you're seeing on TV and in the movies, "everyone else" isn't doing it.

DEAR ABBY: Could you please tell me what's proper in a situation like this? My husband and I are always invited to his family's holiday celebrations. When we accept, the invitation is also extended to my mother and sister. If my husband and I are unable to attend, should my mother and sister still go or consider their invitation canceled? -- JAN IN SAN CLEMENTE, CALIF.

DEAR JAN: If the invitations that were extended were accepted by your mother and sister, and they are expected, they should attend.

DEAR ABBY: Could you please tell me what's proper in a situation like this? My husband and I are always invited to his family's holiday celebrations. When we accept, the invitation is also extended to my mother and sister. If my husband and I are unable to attend, should my mother and sister still go or consider their invitation canceled? -- JAN IN SAN CLEMENTE, CALIF.

DEAR JAN: If the invitations that were extended were accepted by your mother and sister, and they are expected, they should attend.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I argue more than I'd like. I am pretty easygoing and passive; he likes his feelings to be known. Over time I have become worn down, and my patience has worn thin.

We are starting to rebound from what I call "the year from hell." His drinking and poor choices nearly put us on the street, and I was ready to walk. Things are starting to get better, but what we can't seem to agree on is communication during the day.

Abby, I am on the phone for a living. I cannot stand being on it more than I must be. He calls and/or texts me up to 12 times a day. I can't stand it. Even when I'm busy or give him a time certain when I will call him back, he beeps in before I have the chance.

I am now at the end of my rope. With all that I have dealt with, worked through and put up with, this is something I will not compromise on.

I feel it's more than sufficient to talk on my way in to work, maybe check in around lunch, then on the way home. He feels that because I don't feel the need to call or talk that much that I don't love him. I can't stand listening to the dead air or breathing because there is nothing to talk about. Am I being petty for letting this be the thing that will break us? -- TALKS TOO MUCH IN TEXAS

DEAR TALKS TOO MUCH: If you want to save your marriage after everything you have been through, make the time for marriage counseling. What may destroy your marriage isn't your husband's talking; it's his neediness, insecurity and insensitivity.

Frankly, what you have described strikes me as controlling rather than loving behavior. After the struggles you have described, you have already proven your love for him. Being at his beck and call during the workday should not be an additional requirement.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law is extremely allergic to cats. We have six cats, but live 1,000 miles away from her. When her 8-year-old son comes to visit, he has a Ziploc bag full of clean clothes that he puts on before he goes home. The clothes he wore here are sealed up at the end of his trip to be washed.

I'm OK with this. But I need some advice for an upcoming big family holiday gathering. We have all been courteously asked to wash our clothes before coming, to vacuum our vehicles and to limit our contact with cats before arriving. Am I wrong to feel like it's her problem, not ours? -- WHOSE PROBLEM IS IT

DEAR WHOSE PROBLEM: Yes, you are wrong. When a family member has a health problem that can be triggered by the others, it becomes everyone's problem. If the steps needed to keep her safe are too much for you, you should stay home.

DEAR ABBY: Is it cheating to proofread your college-aged child's final before he/she turns it in? -- WONDERING IN ORANGE, CALIF.

DEAR WONDERING: To read it? No. To correct it, yes.