life

Only Child Feels Pressure of His Parents' Expectations

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 4th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and so is my boyfriend. He is an only child, and all throughout his life, his parents have put a lot of pressure on him. Recently, they've been talking about him getting into an honors program in a college. Abby, his parents act like if he doesn't get in, they won't be proud of him. He always feels like he's disappointing them because they never give him any words of encouragement or let him know he's on the right track.

It seems to me that he just wants to know that they're proud of him. It's hard for me to constantly try to support him through this because he needs his parents' approval, and I can't give that to him. Is there any way I can help him? He refuses to talk it out with his parents, but I just want them to be on the same page. Can I help without getting too involved with their family dynamics? -- THERE FOR HIM IN DALLAS

DEAR THERE FOR HIM: Much as you would like to help your boyfriend, if you approach his parents about the way they are raising their son, it won't help the situation. The odds are great that it will cause them to resent you. However, if your boyfriend would discuss this with a counselor at school or a teacher he trusts, that person -- an educator who is a contemporary of your boyfriend's parents -- might suggest that their son needs positive reinforcement to reach his full potential.

Family & ParentingWork & SchoolLove & Dating
life

New Girlfriend Slaps Helping Hand Man Extends to Ex-Wife

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 4th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I was married for many years to my ex-wife. I met another woman, wound up divorced, and I am now with this other woman.

The problem is, my ex is disabled. Somebody stays with her during the week and cooks for her and such. Sundays are different, and I usually bring food to her, which takes about an hour.

My new lady friend is having a fit about this to the point that we may break up over it. Am I wrong for helping my ex, who has very little family and no children? -- GOOD DEED PUNISHED IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR GOOD DEED: You are a kind and caring individual. That your new lady friend cannot recognize this for what it is, an act of compassion, and realize that you would do the same for her if she needed it, is sad. You are not wrong for helping your ex, since there is no one else who seems willing. If this woman is so threatened that she can't cut you some slack one hour a week, perhaps breaking up would be best for both of you.

Love & DatingMarriage & Divorce
life

Mornings at the Office Are Disrupted by Co-Workers' Annoying Habits

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 4th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am biting my tongue all the way through at work. One co-worker regularly brings her breakfast to eat. The other, even worse, comes in with wet hair and uses a curling iron at her computer station -- in shared space! Am I too old-fashioned? -- BITING MY TONGUE

DEAR BITING: Many people bring their breakfast to work. Unless there is a rule against it, I see nothing wrong with it.

As to your other co-worker, I agree what she's doing is inappropriate. She'd probably do a better job if she groomed herself in the restroom or at home before work. Is your supervisor or boss aware she's doing it? If not, the person should be informed. If so, then MYOB.

Work & SchoolEtiquette & Ethics
life

Update on Knitted Prostheses Program Delivers Good News

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 3rd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR READERS: I am often asked, "Do you ever hear back from the people who wrote to you?" The answer is yes, I do.

A year ago, "Claire G. in California" wrote to bring awareness to a program called Knitted Knockers. Its members knit or crochet soft, lightweight prostheses for breast cancer survivors, and provide them at no cost to women who need them. A few weeks ago, I received this follow-up:

DEAR ABBY: Our whole world changed when you printed our letter last December. We now support more than 450 medical clinics nationwide. We are in 16 countries and give away 1,000 knockers a month free to women, provided by literally thousands of volunteer knitters and crocheters! The testimonies we receive from women who have received them, as well as those making them, are touching. Many tell us their lives have been changed.

Much of this occurred because of the huge response generated by the letter Dear Abby published on Dec. 6, 2016. Ten thousand knockers were given out as a result of that letter, and hundreds of knitters and crocheters signed up to help their own communities. It took us three months to "dig out" from that huge response, but we did it.

Thank you, Abby, for making a difference in this challenging world we live in. -- BARBARA D. IN WASHINGTON

DEAR BARBARA: You're welcome, and thank you for the update. Readers who are interested can go to knittedknockers.org and learn more about this worthwhile program, or volunteer to be a creator of these wonderful gifts of comfort and dignity.

Health & Safety
life

Holidays Will Be Happy if In-Laws Cover Their Coughs Correctly

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 3rd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been hosting my in-laws for the holidays and really do enjoy it. However, one of them has picked up a respiratory virus. It wouldn't be a big deal, except no matter how often I talk about how important it is to cough into sleeves (rather than hands), they don't do it. They walk into the kitchen coughing and covering their mouths with their hands, then touch the food, the dishes, the cabinet doors and my infant's hands, face and food.

I mentioned it to my husband because I think it's his place to say something, since my "kind reminders" and hints didn't work. How can I handle this tactfully and without offending? -- COLD AND FLU SEASON

DEAR COLD AND FLU SEASON: It is a big deal. You didn't mention whether your baby has picked up any viruses from his/her grandparents, but if it hasn't happened, you are lucky. Tell them that if either one of them is exhibiting cold symptoms to please not come over until they are well again.

Family & ParentingHealth & Safety
life

Passage of Time Doesn't Alter Marital Status

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 3rd, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I was divorced more than 10 years ago. When I'm filling out forms, do I still have to check the box for divorced? I feel I am more happily single than unhappily divorced. -- HAPPILY SINGLE

DEAR HAPPILY: Your current state of mind has no bearing on this. If the forms are legal or medical in nature, it would be wrong to lie about your status, so tell the truth.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Best Friend's Long Shadow Proves Difficult to Escape

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 2nd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm 22. Ever since I was 8, I've had the best friend I could ever have asked for. "Kylie" stood up for me when I was bullied as a child and hung out with me when I had no other friends.

The problem is, Kylie is extremely pretty and has always been charismatic, too. It's not her fault, but people have always been attracted to her, both as a bright personality and as a romantic interest.

All through high school, I fell into the role of sidekick. When I became romantically interested in someone, nine times out of 10 he liked her. When we were together, people would pop in and speak only to her. It made me feel somewhere between shy and invisible.

We are adults now, and Kylie is married with four kids. We're still very close. The thing is, breaking out of her shadow has become impossible. I went to a different college, and my job has nothing to do with her, but old habits still hold me back from making friends, and romantic interests still magically disappear when I introduce them to my best friend. What do I do? -- SECOND BEST IN MONTANA

DEAR SECOND BEST: You're right. Old habits -- not to mention attitudes -- do die hard. Because this pattern has been going on for so long, it may take the help of a licensed mental health professional to help you gain the tools to change it. It's crucial that you realize what fine qualities you have to offer.

Looks are an asset, but they are only skin deep. If a man you are interested in is distracted to the point of disappearing by someone else's good looks, recognize that he's interested only in the veneer of a relationship, not the hardwood. Until you get this straight in your head, it might be wise to distance yourself from Kylie.

Friends & NeighborsLove & DatingMental Health
life

Bratty Nephew Makes Outings With Sister Hard to Endure

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 2nd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I love my sister "Susan," but her 4-year-old son is completely out of control. "David" runs around restaurants, screaming and throwing food and doesn't listen at all. Susan keeps wanting to plan trips and outings with me, but when she brings David, it's embarrassing and unpleasant. I don't want to take off work and pay for a trip with my sister if I'm going to be miserable.

I do want to spend time with her, so how do I tell her this? I have kids of my own, and I work with kids. I am very tolerant of children, but even for me it's too much. -- LITTLE TERROR IN TEXAS

DEAR LITTLE TERROR: Assuming that David does not have an emotional or developmental disability, I don't recommend telling your sister any version of "Your kid is so obnoxious I no longer want to be exposed to his bad behavior."

I wish you had mentioned whether she brings along coloring books, toys or gadgets to keep her son entertained while he's in adult company. (Many parents do.) If the answer is no, suggest it. If the answer is yes, then it would not be out of line to say to your sister that you prefer your visits be adults-only because it will enable you both to concentrate on each other with no distractions.

Family & Parenting

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Two Degrees
  • Lulu
  • Good Enough
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
  • Stress of Caregiving Causes Concern for Daughters
  • Mother of the Groom Prefers Not to Attend Bachelorette Party Bar Crawl
  • Neighborhood Politician Ruffles Feathers
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2022 Andrews McMeel Universal