life

Sister Is Appalled by What Brother Asks Mom to Do

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 23rd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My brother and his wife recently had their second child through induced labor. On the delivery day, my mother asked what she could do to help. My brother asked her to go to his home, which is an hour away, sweep and vacuum the house, change the sheets and do the laundry because they didn't have time.

I feel it was extremely inappropriate. Picking up diapers and making sure the bassinet has clean sheets are acceptable requests; cleaning the house is not. My mother wasn't bothered by it, but I am appalled. Am I wrong? -- STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR STUCK: You are entitled to your feelings. However, because your mother wasn't bothered by your brother's request, my advice is to stay out of it because it was none of your business. Please don't stir the pot more than you already may have because the person who will suffer for it is you.

Family & Parenting
life

One Good Deed

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 23rd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a mom who raised three kids and now I help with the grandchildren. I had dogs all my life until my last one died of old age. I was enjoying life with no responsibilities and could walk out of my house without worry.

My friend, who lives in an apartment, asked me to keep her cat, "Fluffy," while she was on vacation. I gladly helped her out and carefully took care of her cat. Now Fluffy loves being at my house and acts mean when she goes back to the apartment. The only answer was to keep Fluffy, but I don't want a cat!

How do I get rid of a cat who loves being at my house? I'm miserable because I miss my carefree life after many years of caring for others. -- PET-FREE IN ALABAMA

DEAR PET-FREE: You have done enough. If you can, figure out why Fluffy is happy with you so you can share that information with her owner as you return her. You deserve the carefree life you have earned.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Dad Thinks Ahead to Make School Field Trips Safe

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 23rd, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My son volunteers as a chaperone for his daughters' elementary school field trips. Each parent volunteer is assigned five or six children.

Before they board the bus, my son gathers his group and tells them they are going to take a memory picture. He does it because if a child is ever lost, he wants a photo to immediately show any responding police officers. His exact words to me were, "Mom, in an emergency, I might not remember what a child was wearing, what her backpack looked like or how tall she is."

He never tells the children the real reason for taking the picture. Afterward, he just emails it to any child who wants a souvenir of the trip. -- PROUD OF MY SON

DEAR PROUD: Congratulations for having raised a smart son. My readers will let us know if his idea is original, but it's a good one, which is why I'm printing your letter. For anyone supervising a group of children, this could be a helpful suggestion.

Work & SchoolHealth & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Fiance Refuses to Vacate House for Girls' Weekend

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 22nd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I live with my fiance, and we are being married in eight months. When I asked him if he would go and stay with his parents or some friends on a weekend when my girlfriend comes into town so we can have girl time, he got highly offended and said he isn't leaving "his" house. I pay more than he does in rent, and I don't feel I should have to rent a separate place.

He doesn't understand girl time: drinking wine, watching chick-flicks and talking about our lives. I want to dedicate all my time that weekend to being a good friend, but he doesn't get it. I have told him that if he ever wanted me to go stay with friends or visit my parents so he could have a guys' weekend, I would have no problem with it. Am I asking for too much? -- NEEDS GIRL TIME IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR NEEDS: Yes. I think expecting your fiance to leave when your girlfriend comes to visit is a bit much. Do you plan to make the same request after you are married? Regardless of who pays more rent, the house is home to both of you.

I would think that the idea of being subjected to one of your "girls' weekends" -- the wine, the chick-flicks, the gossip -- would motivate him to make other plans. However, because he is unwilling, you and your girlfriend should consider splitting the cost of a hotel room for the weekend, which might be more enjoyable for all three of you.

Friends & NeighborsLove & Dating
life

Wife Is Puzzled by Husband's Closeness to Former Co-Worker

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 22nd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Over the last 13 years in his job, my husband developed a "very friendly" relationship with a clerical person. Now that he has retired, she wants to continue it by meeting with him (and me) for dinner. We have had dinner together once, and when they began to talk shop, I became the odd one out.

Although I interjected myself into the conversation, it was clear there is real feeling between them. He says she's "just so nice." She continues to send emails addressed to both of us and asks me (since he is not computer savvy) to relay that she misses him greatly and he was her "ray of sunshine" every day when he would walk in the office.

Should I be worried, jealous or envious? It is only now I have become aware that she was so important to my husband at work. I had no knowledge about their relationship before. -- UNCERTAIN IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR UNCERTAIN: I don't think you have anything to worry about. That the conversation at dinner revolved around the office is not surprising. The office and the job were the basis of their relationship. Because she's sending emails addressed to both of you, I doubt she's trying to slip anything past you or make a play for your husband. Be patient, and with time, I suspect she will adjust to the loss of her "ray of sunshine."

Marriage & DivorceWork & School
life

Wishing a Joyous Thanksgiving to Everyone

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 22nd, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without sharing the traditional prayer penned by my dear late mother:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service.

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others.

Amen.

Have a safe and happy celebration, everyone! -- Love, ABBY

Holidays & Celebrations
life

New American Wants to Get U.S. Social Customs Right

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 21st, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I went through a divorce recently and have already found a woman I love. I have children -- three boys and a daughter -- I love very much. I'm currently paying child support to my ex for my 15-year-old daughter. The boys are grown and on their own.

I'm a first-generation American from Latin America, and I have a question regarding holding hands with my daughter in public. I spoke with my mother about it and she told me she hugged, kissed (pecks on the cheek) and held hands with her father until the time she moved away from home. My significant other says holding hands with my daughter is not appropriate in public.

As a father, I want my daughter to feel she can hold my hand if she's inclined. I will not discourage her because I love her. I understand that one day she may no longer want to do that, and I would accept her wish. Because I live in the United States, I need to know if the custom of daughters showing affection for their fathers is acceptable here in the U.S. -- DIVORCED DAD IN COLUMBUS

DEAR DIVORCED DAD: I'm glad you asked. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a girl holding her father's hand or demonstrating affection by hugging or kissing him on the cheek!

Your new love interest may be jealous of the relationship you have with your daughter. And if that's the case, it is a red warning flag. Explain to your girlfriend that this is how people act in the culture you come from.

And one more thought: You mentioned that you are recently divorced. Please take plenty of time before you plunge into another marriage -- with her or anyone else.

Family & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

Already 30 Minutes Late, New Hairdresser Steps out for a Break

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 21st, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: After 10 years and good relations with my prior hairdresser, I switched to a new beautician. The shop is an hour closer to my home and less expensive. Both stylists do a great job, and I'm always pleased.

On my most recent visit to my new hairdresser, she was putting color on her first client of the day. I waited patiently for a half-hour past my scheduled appointment time. When she was done with that client, she asked me if I was in a hurry. Trying to be polite, I said, "No, not really." (I'm retired.) So she went into the back room and then outside with coffee and cigarettes in hand for a break. I was dumbfounded.

After waiting 15 more minutes, she finally took me. How should I handle this the next time I see her? Should I continue to see her? Should I speak up or just chalk it up that she was having a bad day? Your opinion, please. -- HURRY UP AND WAIT IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR HURRY UP AND WAIT: An experienced hairdresser usually puts color on her first client and then, while the color is processing, starts her next one. Your mistake was not having told the stylist how you felt about being kept waiting for half an hour. Also, when asked if you would mind if she kept you waiting even longer, instead of being "polite" and fuming, you should have been honest. Clear the air at your next appointment.

Etiquette & Ethics

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