life

Fiance Refuses to Vacate House for Girls' Weekend

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 22nd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I live with my fiance, and we are being married in eight months. When I asked him if he would go and stay with his parents or some friends on a weekend when my girlfriend comes into town so we can have girl time, he got highly offended and said he isn't leaving "his" house. I pay more than he does in rent, and I don't feel I should have to rent a separate place.

He doesn't understand girl time: drinking wine, watching chick-flicks and talking about our lives. I want to dedicate all my time that weekend to being a good friend, but he doesn't get it. I have told him that if he ever wanted me to go stay with friends or visit my parents so he could have a guys' weekend, I would have no problem with it. Am I asking for too much? -- NEEDS GIRL TIME IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR NEEDS: Yes. I think expecting your fiance to leave when your girlfriend comes to visit is a bit much. Do you plan to make the same request after you are married? Regardless of who pays more rent, the house is home to both of you.

I would think that the idea of being subjected to one of your "girls' weekends" -- the wine, the chick-flicks, the gossip -- would motivate him to make other plans. However, because he is unwilling, you and your girlfriend should consider splitting the cost of a hotel room for the weekend, which might be more enjoyable for all three of you.

Love & DatingFriends & Neighbors
life

Wife Is Puzzled by Husband's Closeness to Former Co-Worker

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 22nd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Over the last 13 years in his job, my husband developed a "very friendly" relationship with a clerical person. Now that he has retired, she wants to continue it by meeting with him (and me) for dinner. We have had dinner together once, and when they began to talk shop, I became the odd one out.

Although I interjected myself into the conversation, it was clear there is real feeling between them. He says she's "just so nice." She continues to send emails addressed to both of us and asks me (since he is not computer savvy) to relay that she misses him greatly and he was her "ray of sunshine" every day when he would walk in the office.

Should I be worried, jealous or envious? It is only now I have become aware that she was so important to my husband at work. I had no knowledge about their relationship before. -- UNCERTAIN IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR UNCERTAIN: I don't think you have anything to worry about. That the conversation at dinner revolved around the office is not surprising. The office and the job were the basis of their relationship. Because she's sending emails addressed to both of you, I doubt she's trying to slip anything past you or make a play for your husband. Be patient, and with time, I suspect she will adjust to the loss of her "ray of sunshine."

Work & SchoolMarriage & Divorce
life

Wishing a Joyous Thanksgiving to Everyone

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 22nd, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without sharing the traditional prayer penned by my dear late mother:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service.

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others.

Amen.

Have a safe and happy celebration, everyone! -- Love, ABBY

Holidays & Celebrations
life

New American Wants to Get U.S. Social Customs Right

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 21st, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I went through a divorce recently and have already found a woman I love. I have children -- three boys and a daughter -- I love very much. I'm currently paying child support to my ex for my 15-year-old daughter. The boys are grown and on their own.

I'm a first-generation American from Latin America, and I have a question regarding holding hands with my daughter in public. I spoke with my mother about it and she told me she hugged, kissed (pecks on the cheek) and held hands with her father until the time she moved away from home. My significant other says holding hands with my daughter is not appropriate in public.

As a father, I want my daughter to feel she can hold my hand if she's inclined. I will not discourage her because I love her. I understand that one day she may no longer want to do that, and I would accept her wish. Because I live in the United States, I need to know if the custom of daughters showing affection for their fathers is acceptable here in the U.S. -- DIVORCED DAD IN COLUMBUS

DEAR DIVORCED DAD: I'm glad you asked. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a girl holding her father's hand or demonstrating affection by hugging or kissing him on the cheek!

Your new love interest may be jealous of the relationship you have with your daughter. And if that's the case, it is a red warning flag. Explain to your girlfriend that this is how people act in the culture you come from.

And one more thought: You mentioned that you are recently divorced. Please take plenty of time before you plunge into another marriage -- with her or anyone else.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting
life

Already 30 Minutes Late, New Hairdresser Steps out for a Break

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 21st, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: After 10 years and good relations with my prior hairdresser, I switched to a new beautician. The shop is an hour closer to my home and less expensive. Both stylists do a great job, and I'm always pleased.

On my most recent visit to my new hairdresser, she was putting color on her first client of the day. I waited patiently for a half-hour past my scheduled appointment time. When she was done with that client, she asked me if I was in a hurry. Trying to be polite, I said, "No, not really." (I'm retired.) So she went into the back room and then outside with coffee and cigarettes in hand for a break. I was dumbfounded.

After waiting 15 more minutes, she finally took me. How should I handle this the next time I see her? Should I continue to see her? Should I speak up or just chalk it up that she was having a bad day? Your opinion, please. -- HURRY UP AND WAIT IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR HURRY UP AND WAIT: An experienced hairdresser usually puts color on her first client and then, while the color is processing, starts her next one. Your mistake was not having told the stylist how you felt about being kept waiting for half an hour. Also, when asked if you would mind if she kept you waiting even longer, instead of being "polite" and fuming, you should have been honest. Clear the air at your next appointment.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Thanksgiving Prayer for Peace Seeks to Bring World Together

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 20th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Our organization, No Greater Love, is a nonprofit humanitarian organization that honors America's fallen and their families, and promotes peace. I am reaching out to you and your millions of readers about an important event we are planning. NGL invites you and your readers to become links in our Chain of Prayer for Peace.

As you gather together at Thanksgiving, please consider adding a special prayer for peace. Our goal is to link children and adults of all religions by praying on that day -- and every day possible -- for peace in the world.

We have invited the five major world religions -- Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism and Judaism -- all of which regard peace as a universal concept. While our specific beliefs may differ, we are all one through our quest for love and peace. -- CARMELLA LaSPADA

DEAR CARMELLA: I am sure my readers will agree that your idea is one worth trying. I'm reminded of the adage that when a stone is tossed into a pond, the ripple effect spreads much farther than the point of impact. It's my prayer that when readers of all faiths focus their positive energy on such an important outcome, something similar will happen.

Holidays & Celebrations
life

Reluctant Driver Avoids Getting His License Seven Years After Graduation

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 20th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Mark," and I have been dating for three months but have been friends for about eight years. Neither of us have it together (career-wise) at the moment. Mark is two years older than me.

For some reason, he's hesitant about getting his driver's license. When I brought it up when he was a senior in high school -- we were just friends then -- he said he was going to get it before graduation. That was seven years ago. Now he's my boyfriend, and I feel weird picking him up and dropping him off.

His excuse is he wants to perfect parallel parking. When I got my driver's license, I did just OK with parallel parking, but I passed the driving test. How do I approach him about getting his driver's license? -- GETTING NOWHERE IN GEORGIA

DEAR GETTING NOWHERE: For whatever reason, I suspect that Mark hasn't been completely honest about why he hasn't gotten his driver's license. Approach him directly, and tell him you are uncomfortable providing all the transportation. And if his excuse is he wants to perfect his parallel parking, suggest he take a driver's education course.

Love & Dating
life

Couple Is Surprised by Party Rules in New Community

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 20th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently moved to Florida. We are meeting people but are confused regarding social activities. We have been invited to get-togethers several times only to be instructed to bring our own drinks and an appetizer to share. When we entertain, we don't expect our guests to bring anything. Is this the norm? -- CONFUSED IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONFUSED: It may be the norm in the community where you are now living, but it's news to me. I have heard of a BYOB party, and I have heard of a potluck party, but never a "Bring Your Own Everything" party.

Etiquette & Ethics

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