life

New American Wants to Get U.S. Social Customs Right

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 21st, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I went through a divorce recently and have already found a woman I love. I have children -- three boys and a daughter -- I love very much. I'm currently paying child support to my ex for my 15-year-old daughter. The boys are grown and on their own.

I'm a first-generation American from Latin America, and I have a question regarding holding hands with my daughter in public. I spoke with my mother about it and she told me she hugged, kissed (pecks on the cheek) and held hands with her father until the time she moved away from home. My significant other says holding hands with my daughter is not appropriate in public.

As a father, I want my daughter to feel she can hold my hand if she's inclined. I will not discourage her because I love her. I understand that one day she may no longer want to do that, and I would accept her wish. Because I live in the United States, I need to know if the custom of daughters showing affection for their fathers is acceptable here in the U.S. -- DIVORCED DAD IN COLUMBUS

DEAR DIVORCED DAD: I'm glad you asked. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a girl holding her father's hand or demonstrating affection by hugging or kissing him on the cheek!

Your new love interest may be jealous of the relationship you have with your daughter. And if that's the case, it is a red warning flag. Explain to your girlfriend that this is how people act in the culture you come from.

And one more thought: You mentioned that you are recently divorced. Please take plenty of time before you plunge into another marriage -- with her or anyone else.

Family & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

Already 30 Minutes Late, New Hairdresser Steps out for a Break

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 21st, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: After 10 years and good relations with my prior hairdresser, I switched to a new beautician. The shop is an hour closer to my home and less expensive. Both stylists do a great job, and I'm always pleased.

On my most recent visit to my new hairdresser, she was putting color on her first client of the day. I waited patiently for a half-hour past my scheduled appointment time. When she was done with that client, she asked me if I was in a hurry. Trying to be polite, I said, "No, not really." (I'm retired.) So she went into the back room and then outside with coffee and cigarettes in hand for a break. I was dumbfounded.

After waiting 15 more minutes, she finally took me. How should I handle this the next time I see her? Should I continue to see her? Should I speak up or just chalk it up that she was having a bad day? Your opinion, please. -- HURRY UP AND WAIT IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR HURRY UP AND WAIT: An experienced hairdresser usually puts color on her first client and then, while the color is processing, starts her next one. Your mistake was not having told the stylist how you felt about being kept waiting for half an hour. Also, when asked if you would mind if she kept you waiting even longer, instead of being "polite" and fuming, you should have been honest. Clear the air at your next appointment.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Thanksgiving Prayer for Peace Seeks to Bring World Together

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 20th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Our organization, No Greater Love, is a nonprofit humanitarian organization that honors America's fallen and their families, and promotes peace. I am reaching out to you and your millions of readers about an important event we are planning. NGL invites you and your readers to become links in our Chain of Prayer for Peace.

As you gather together at Thanksgiving, please consider adding a special prayer for peace. Our goal is to link children and adults of all religions by praying on that day -- and every day possible -- for peace in the world.

We have invited the five major world religions -- Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism and Judaism -- all of which regard peace as a universal concept. While our specific beliefs may differ, we are all one through our quest for love and peace. -- CARMELLA LaSPADA

DEAR CARMELLA: I am sure my readers will agree that your idea is one worth trying. I'm reminded of the adage that when a stone is tossed into a pond, the ripple effect spreads much farther than the point of impact. It's my prayer that when readers of all faiths focus their positive energy on such an important outcome, something similar will happen.

Holidays & Celebrations
life

Reluctant Driver Avoids Getting His License Seven Years After Graduation

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 20th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Mark," and I have been dating for three months but have been friends for about eight years. Neither of us have it together (career-wise) at the moment. Mark is two years older than me.

For some reason, he's hesitant about getting his driver's license. When I brought it up when he was a senior in high school -- we were just friends then -- he said he was going to get it before graduation. That was seven years ago. Now he's my boyfriend, and I feel weird picking him up and dropping him off.

His excuse is he wants to perfect parallel parking. When I got my driver's license, I did just OK with parallel parking, but I passed the driving test. How do I approach him about getting his driver's license? -- GETTING NOWHERE IN GEORGIA

DEAR GETTING NOWHERE: For whatever reason, I suspect that Mark hasn't been completely honest about why he hasn't gotten his driver's license. Approach him directly, and tell him you are uncomfortable providing all the transportation. And if his excuse is he wants to perfect his parallel parking, suggest he take a driver's education course.

Love & Dating
life

Couple Is Surprised by Party Rules in New Community

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 20th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently moved to Florida. We are meeting people but are confused regarding social activities. We have been invited to get-togethers several times only to be instructed to bring our own drinks and an appetizer to share. When we entertain, we don't expect our guests to bring anything. Is this the norm? -- CONFUSED IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONFUSED: It may be the norm in the community where you are now living, but it's news to me. I have heard of a BYOB party, and I have heard of a potluck party, but never a "Bring Your Own Everything" party.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Dad Who Can't Drive Loses Connection to Adult Children

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 19th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband had a medical event that left him unable to drive. He is very isolated despite my efforts to keep him connected. His children live an hour away, and it's up to me to drive him to them. They rarely call him. He has a stepdaughter who lives only a few miles from us. We reach out to her, but she also doesn't have time for him. It's ironic because she regularly ministers to strangers through her church while her stepfather languishes in loneliness.

How deeply appreciated an offer to take this lonely old gentleman shopping, for a drive, or giving him a visit or a weekly phone call would be. What else can I do about this? -- FRUSTRATED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I am sorry you didn't mention how close your husband was to his children before the medical event. If they were close and have abandoned him, then shame on them.

I see no way for you to force them to make more of an effort to give their father the emotional support he needs. You can, however, depending upon how impaired he is, try to involve him in activities that don't require being driven an hour away. If there's a senior center near you, you might have more luck in keeping him less isolated if you reach out to them.

Family & Parenting
life

One Bad Apple Spoils Dinner for Everyone by Not Paying Tax and Tip

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 19th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: A group of friends and I go out for dinner. When the check arrives, we all have cash except for one woman who wants to pay her share with a credit card. She claims she "doesn't know how much she owes" and tells the waiter to use her credit card to pay her share. Abby, she then pays only for her food and beverage, no tax and no tip! I have told her in the past to bring cash, but she won't.

I think it is unfair to the waiter to have to figure out how much she owes. When we tried to talk to her about it, she reacted like she was being attacked and went to other friends and got them to agree with "her side." If anyone disagrees with her, she goes on and on until she either loses a friend or the person gives in and tells her she's right. How do we deal with someone like this? Should we just give up on her and end the friendship? -- CHECK, PLEASE

DEAR CHECK, PLEASE: I see no reason to give up on the friendship. Just stop having dinner with her if her behavior bothers you.

Friends & NeighborsMoney
life

Tween Who Cries in the Shower Can't Tell Mom

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 19th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm 12 and I'm depressed. I have been depressed for a year now. I have not told my mom that I cry in the shower. Please guide me on what to do and help get me out of this dark hole. -- SAD IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SAD: I'm so glad you wrote. It's very important that you tell your mother or some other trusted adult that you are depressed, and how long this has been going on. You may need counseling or the intervention of some other adult to fix this problem. Please don't wait, and please do write again and let me know how you're doing. I care.

Mental Health

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