life

Teen Is Tasked With Cooking Thanksgiving Dinner -- Alone

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 18th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl and somewhat spoiled. My mother delivers breakfast in bed to me daily. My dad eats a burger for dinner, but Mom cooks a ribeye steak with a loaded baked potato for me.

I don't know how to cook, but Dad says I must cook a complete Thanksgiving dinner with no assistance! My smartphone will help, but do you have any ideas? -- WORRIED ABOUT TURKEYS

DEAR WORRIED: Mastering the basics of cooking is an important skill you will need when you no longer live with your parents. Your father has the right idea, but he's going about it the wrong way. Expecting you to go from not knowing how to boil water to producing an entire Thanksgiving dinner without help is unrealistic, to say the least.

You and your mother should prepare the dinner together, and she should guide you as you prepare one or two of the dishes. This will ensure that there will be a home-cooked feast rather than a disaster after which your family will wind up in a restaurant.

Family & ParentingTeensHolidays & Celebrations
life

Rude Customers Try the Patience of Youthful Supervisor

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 18th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am an adult student in my late 20s. I had multiple "jobs" and careers before I finally settled on teaching. Until I finish my degree, however, I am working in a customer service job to pay the bills. This, combined with my youthful appearance, has meant I must deal with people who assume I am a teenager and who treat me with disrespect.

My late grandmother always said that polite people should hold their tongues, so can you please inform your readers that because the person tending to their needs may look like "a kid," it's no excuse for saying things like, "I don't want to talk to some kid; where's your supervisor?" By the way, Abby, I am the supervisor. -- OLDER THAN HE LOOKS IN IOWA

DEAR OLDER: I'm pleased to remind them, but an appropriate response to the person demanding to see the supervisor would be, "I am the supervisor. Now, how may I help you?"

Work & School
life

Unmarried Couple Plans to Celebrate Their 15th Anniversary

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 18th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Next year my boyfriend and I will have been together for 15 years. We are not married and feel no urge to do so. We plan on spending the rest of our lives together; we just don't plan on a wedding.

My question is, I'd like to have an anniversary party. Is it unheard of for a unmarried couple to have one? We love each other and would like to celebrate our relationship with friends and family. What do you think? And would it be wrong to have a dance to "our song"? Any ideas would be appreciated as well. -- UNMARRIED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR UNMARRIED: Fifteen years together is something to celebrate and there's no reason why you shouldn't. You can do anything you want at the party -- including dance to "your song." An anniversary of the day you became a couple is fine. Advertise it that way and there should be no criticism.

Marriage & DivorceHolidays & CelebrationsLove & Dating
life

Friendship Fades Following Criticism of Husband's Jokes

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 17th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with "Martha" for 40 years. We live a few hundred miles apart, so I like to call her and chat. The problem is, her husband always answers the phone, and he likes to give me a hard time.

When I identify myself and ask to speak to Martha, he says he doesn't know anyone by my name, or says there's no Martha living there. Once he told Martha to ask me how my ex-husband was. (I have not seen my ex for 40 years, since our divorce.)

The last time it happened, I told Martha her husband was annoying and that she should call me from now on. She said he was just trying to be funny. I haven't heard from her since, not even a birthday card. Was I wrong to speak up? Should I apologize or just lose this friendship? -- PROBLEM HUSBAND IN FLORIDA

DEAR PROBLEM: Martha's husband doesn't strike me as being particularly witty. After a few repeat performances of his lame material, I can understand how someone would become annoyed. I don't think you owe Martha an apology for being honest about how you felt. Because you left the ball in her court, it's possible that since you did all the work staying in touch, your 40-year friendship was not as close as you assumed or you would have heard from her.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Friends Take Exception to Intrusions Into Their Afternoon Outings

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 17th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: A friend and I belong to a book club and have regularly gone to lunch and a movie afterward. We have occasionally mentioned a movie we liked while chatting prior to the start of the book club meeting. This has prompted other people to invite themselves along or ask if they can go with us.

If we wanted to spend more time with these women, we would have invited them. The two of us feel that this afternoon outing is our time together and we would prefer it being just us. We changed the day, which was a bit inconvenient but preferable to the alternative. How do we handle it when future inquiries come up without hurting feelings or sounding snobbish? -- OUR TIME TOGETHER

DEAR OUR TIME: Your mistake was in talking about your movie dates in front of the other women. In the future, handle it by refraining from doing that, and your problem will go away.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Girlfriend Has a Hard Time Chitchatting About Man's Ex-Wife

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 17th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We are in our 50s and have both been married before. My problem is I don't know how to respond to his friends and family when they talk to me about his first wife. They tell story after story, and it makes me uncomfortable. I feel disrespected but smile politely to not be rude. Any thoughts? -- GIRLFRIEND IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR GIRLFRIEND: I am sure no one does it out of a desire to make you uncomfortable or disrespect you. How you respond would depend upon whether your boyfriend's marriage ended in death or divorce.

If his former wife is deceased, a way to change the subject might be to say, "It sounds like she was a wonderful (mother, daughter, woman)." However, if the marriage ended in divorce, all you need to say is that you'd rather focus on the present than the unhappy past.

Love & DatingMarriage & DivorceFamily & ParentingFriends & Neighbors
life

Man Who Hates His Job Drags Girlfriend Down With Griping

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 16th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend for three years. We have lived together for the last two. We have a great life together, but there is a problem I don't know how to solve. "Jeremy" hates his job.

We met in the education department of our college, and after graduation, we both took jobs in the public school system. I enjoy my career, but he loathes his. He complains constantly without seeming to take action on the issue. I know he's miserable, but he hasn't looked for other jobs or enrolled in a new school program.

I have bad days, too, but I've reached the end of listening to the constant griping. I am usually a positive person, but he is dragging my mood down because of this. He says I need to guide him and give him some direction, but I don't know what to say. I don't think it's my responsibility to tell another adult what he should or shouldn't do with his life. I don't mind helping him talk through his choices, but he wants more from me.

This is the man I want to marry. Is there a way to get past this issue and make it work? -- UNCERTAIN AND LOST

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Until your boyfriend has settled this uncertainty about his work life, any discussion about marriage should be put on hold. I agree you are not qualified to give him career advice. However, you might ask him to tell you what exactly it is that he hates about his job, and what he would rather be doing. His answers may give both of you insight into what he may be better suited for emotionally, and stimulate him to do something positive about his future. Once he has more clarity, there may be places he can go for career counseling that can help him decide what his next steps should be.

Love & DatingWork & School
life

Lazy Neighbor Milks Friend for Food and Sympathy

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 16th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: We bought our first home seven months ago. We love it, except for one major issue. Our neighbor, who's the same age as I am, is the biggest hypochondriac and laziest person I've ever seen.

She was training to be a police officer, but she had a headache every day, so she got let go last year. Ever since then we have been supporting her (food, Wi-Fi, OTC meds, feminine products). I finally cut her off for about a week until she Facebook-messaged me saying she was starving and hadn't eaten for two days, so I gave in. I gave her a job last week, and she didn't show up the first day.

What should I do? It's causing arguments between my husband and me. I hate to think she's hungry. -- TROUBLED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TROUBLED: You are a kindhearted person, but you are being taken advantage of. If your neighbor has family that can be located, they should be notified that she's unable to care for herself. If no relative is willing to take responsibility for her, contact social services or direct the woman to the nearest food bank or soup kitchen. I suspect her problems are more extensive than headaches and procrastination.

Friends & NeighborsHealth & SafetyWork & School

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