DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend for three years. We have lived together for the last two. We have a great life together, but there is a problem I don't know how to solve. "Jeremy" hates his job.

We met in the education department of our college, and after graduation, we both took jobs in the public school system. I enjoy my career, but he loathes his. He complains constantly without seeming to take action on the issue. I know he's miserable, but he hasn't looked for other jobs or enrolled in a new school program.

I have bad days, too, but I've reached the end of listening to the constant griping. I am usually a positive person, but he is dragging my mood down because of this. He says I need to guide him and give him some direction, but I don't know what to say. I don't think it's my responsibility to tell another adult what he should or shouldn't do with his life. I don't mind helping him talk through his choices, but he wants more from me.

This is the man I want to marry. Is there a way to get past this issue and make it work? -- UNCERTAIN AND LOST

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Until your boyfriend has settled this uncertainty about his work life, any discussion about marriage should be put on hold. I agree you are not qualified to give him career advice. However, you might ask him to tell you what exactly it is that he hates about his job, and what he would rather be doing. His answers may give both of you insight into what he may be better suited for emotionally, and stimulate him to do something positive about his future. Once he has more clarity, there may be places he can go for career counseling that can help him decide what his next steps should be.

DEAR ABBY: We bought our first home seven months ago. We love it, except for one major issue. Our neighbor, who's the same age as I am, is the biggest hypochondriac and laziest person I've ever seen.

She was training to be a police officer, but she had a headache every day, so she got let go last year. Ever since then we have been supporting her (food, Wi-Fi, OTC meds, feminine products). I finally cut her off for about a week until she Facebook-messaged me saying she was starving and hadn't eaten for two days, so I gave in. I gave her a job last week, and she didn't show up the first day.

What should I do? It's causing arguments between my husband and me. I hate to think she's hungry. -- TROUBLED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TROUBLED: You are a kindhearted person, but you are being taken advantage of. If your neighbor has family that can be located, they should be notified that she's unable to care for herself. If no relative is willing to take responsibility for her, contact social services or direct the woman to the nearest food bank or soup kitchen. I suspect her problems are more extensive than headaches and procrastination.

DEAR ABBY: You have mentioned in the past that you have a booklet on writing letters, including thank-you notes. Where do I send for it? I'll need four because my grandkids are lacking in that area.

It's truly a shame that younger generations haven't been taught about the importance of such notes. A simple "thank you" can not only open doors of opportunity both socially and in employment, but also help grandparents feel appreciated after their heartfelt gift-giving. -- NANCY IN NEVADA

DEAR NANCY: If there is one subject that crops up repeatedly in my mail, it's thank-you notes -- or rather, the lack of them. I print letters about it because of the number of complaints I receive. When a gift or a check isn't acknowledged, the (unwritten) message it sends is that the item wasn't appreciated, which is insulting and hurtful.

Chief among the reasons that thank-you notes are unwritten is that many people don't know what to say. They think the message has to be long and flowery when, in fact, keeping it short and to the point is more effective. My booklet, "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," contains samples of thank-you letters for birthday gifts, shower gifts and wedding gifts, as well as those that arrive around holiday time. It also includes letters of congratulations and ones regarding difficult subjects, such as the loss of a parent, a spouse or a child. It can be ordered by sending your name, mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.) With the holiday season approaching, this is the perfect time to reply with a handwritten letter, note or well-written email.

Because the composition of letters is not always effectively taught in the schools, my booklet can serve as a helpful tutorial, one that is valuable for parents as a way to teach their children to write using proper etiquette.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating this guy for a year and a half and he's not into making love. He's happy if we only do it once a month and, when he does give in, he will only do the same old position. I, on the other hand, enjoy sex.

My ex (we have been apart eight years) is now in a sexless marriage. We started hooking up six months ago -- just for sex -- and it is awesome. Part of me feels guilty because I'm against cheating, but I need sex. What should I do? -- CHEATING IN THE NORTH

DEAR CHEATING: Because the man you have been dating for a year and a half is a sexual mismatch, you need to end the romance. It would be kinder than continuing to cheat on him.

Your married ex may seem like an oasis in the sexual desert right now, but don't waste more time on him. He isn't your future; he's your past for good reason, I'm sure -- so keep him there.

DEAR ABBY: I am a lesbian. My girlfriend and I have been dating for six months. We have an awesome relationship and are very happy and open with each other.

I know she has dated guys in the past -- so have I -- so I'm not worried about that nonsense at all. But I recently found something of hers that surprised me. It was a container of pregnancy tests, and one was missing with a Plan B pill alongside of it. I am not mad about it because I know stuff happens, but I would rather that it not happen in our apartment.

I'm tempted to bring it up, but I would honestly rather not discuss it at all. I just don't want anything happening in the apartment. Would it be weird if I just threw the stuff out without telling her, or should I say something?

What if she wants to keep it? I don't think that would be the case, but it would start a fight because, as a female couple, we obviously don't need a pregnancy test. I know I am overthinking this, and I could use some advice on how to handle this uncomfortable situation. -- SURPRISED ABOUT IT

DEAR SURPRISED: I'm glad you asked. Do not "quietly" throw out those pregnancy tests or the medication. I don't know what kind of arrangement you have with your live-in girlfriend, but if fidelity was part of the agreement, you should absolutely talk with her about what you found. It does not have to degenerate into a fight, but it's important that you know why she feels the need to be in an intimate relationship, regardless of gender, with someone else.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a wonderful life and much to be thankful for, but we have no children and are usually alone on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Everyone makes such a fuss about sharing these holidays with loved ones, but I become depressed during this season.

I do volunteer work on these holidays, but still feel sad and like everyone else in the country is having a better time than I am. Any suggestions? -- NOT SO JOLLY IN ARIZONA

DEAR NOT SO JOLLY: You must be a new reader of my column or you would know that every year around holiday time I receive letters from people like you, expressing that rather than feeling joyful and elated, they feel depressed and deprived. Some of it may be the result of the incessant marketing of these holidays, which gives the impression that "everyone" is having a grand old time sipping cider, stuffing themselves with turkey and caroling under the windows of their neighbors.

An antidote for your holiday blues might be to do more than volunteer. Why don't you and your husband plan to do something special to treat yourselves, rather than stay home feeling like everyone else is enjoying themselves? Choose a different destination each year to visit and learn about.

Or invite some friends or acquaintances to join you at home. There's a saying that misery loves company, and in your case, company might be the solution to the problem.