life

As Boyfriend's Hair Disappears, So Does Woman's Attraction

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 9th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My physical attraction to my boyfriend has significantly diminished due to his baldness. I know this may seem shallow, but I have lost all interest in intimate contact with him. When I look at his bald head or he rests his head on my shoulder, it literally makes my stomach lurch!

Our romance began 20 years ago when he still had hair. It fell out two years ago. I still have feelings for him, but I don't know how to get past this. I have tried turning out the lights and even imagining I'm with somebody else. I'm sure other women feel the same way I do. He tries to conceal his baldness by doing the "flip over" thing with his side hair, so I know he's self-conscious about it. But I am so turned off.

Can you give me some advice? I haven't said anything because I don't want to offend him. I am upset and discouraged and no longer look forward to seeing him because of this. It would be an awful reason to leave him, yet I can't stand looking at his head! -- TURNED OFF IN CINCINNATI

DEAR TURNED OFF: Ask yourself whether you are turned off by your boyfriend's baldness, or whether it's his attempt to hide it with the unconvincing comb-over. If it's the latter, the solution might be for him to go the way of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson or Vin Diesel and shave his head. However, if you truly can't handle the fact that his locks have flown, then do him -- and yourself -- a favor and turn him loose so he can find a lady who appreciates him for what's going on under his scalp rather than over it.

Someone once said, "You can fool Mother Nature, but you can't fool Father Time." Aging, and the consequences it brings, happens to women as well as men. Keep that in mind as you consider jumping back into the dating pool.

Sex & GenderLove & Dating
life

Sudden Case of Sticky Fingers Is Shocking Change in Friend's Behavior

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 9th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 51-year-old married woman. I have a friend who is 68 and divorced. We have a great time together joking and laughing. However, lately I have noticed changes in her behavior that are alarming enough that I'm reconsidering our relationship.

An example: Today we went to a flea market and I watched her pick up and try on a ring. Then she pretended to return it, palmed the ring and slipped it into her pocket. I was shocked. I thought I was seeing things, but it happened a second time -- this time with a heart pendant. Next she stole a bottle of hand lotion, which were three for $1.

I know she has money, but she's also cheap. I am appalled by her behavior and don't know what to do. Do I tell her I caught her, or let it go and not shop with her again? I don't want to be associated with a thief. Help! -- NOT THE SAME IN THE EAST

DEAR NOT THE SAME: I, too, am concerned about what you saw, and no longer shopping with this friend is a good idea. Does she have children you can contact? Because these are "alarming changes" in the woman's personality, she may need a physical and neurological examination to make sure she's not seriously ill.

Health & SafetyMental HealthMoneyEtiquette & EthicsFriends & Neighbors
life

Divorced Mom Mulls Overruling Dad on Daughter's Social Life

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 8th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and I have been divorced for three years and share custody of our 10-year-old daughter, who lives with me full time. Her father lives out of state and sees her during the summer months.

Last year my daughter had an incident (an "I'll show you mine, you show me yours" kind of thing) with a friend at school, and my ex and I decided they should no longer hang out after school alone anymore. A year has gone by, and because they're in the same social circle at school, my ex is refusing to allow her to go to any events this friend attends (birthdays, sleepovers), even though there is always adult supervision.

It makes me sad to see her miss out, and I understand that the incident is normal for kids that age. What can I do? Since she does not live with him, can I overrule? -- I'LL SHOW YOU MINE

DEAR I'LL SHOW YOU MINE: I'm sorry your ex-husband doesn't understand that sexual curiosity in children is normal, because it appears he has overreacted. You cannot dictate the rules in his household. However, while your daughter is living with you during the winter months, he cannot overrule your parenting decisions either.

Sex & GenderFamily & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

High School Sweetheart Isn't Ready to Try Again

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 8th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 43-year-old woman who is trying to win back my high school sweetheart. He contacted me through Facebook seven years ago, and we've been talking off and on ever since.

I have never gotten over him, but he has had two bad past relationships and says he isn't ready for another one at this time. What can I do to let him know I haven't gotten over him since high school and that I'd love to try again?

Our relationship ended because my parents thought I was too young to have a boyfriend. I was 15 and he was 17. He says he would love to try again "one day" -- just not now. What are some things I could do to let him know, "Hey, I'm still here, and I want a second chance" without scaring him away? -- HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART IN FLORIDA

DEAR SWEETHEART: He knows you are "still here" and want a second chance. Because he still isn't ready to give a romance with you another try, face it -- the status quo could last indefinitely. You have devoted seven precious years to trying to sway him. It's time for you to move on. How he reacts as you begin to disengage will let you know if you have made the right decision.

Work & SchoolLove & Dating
life

Son Cuts Ties After Parents Block His Texts

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 8th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Since the last presidential election our oldest son has stopped communicating with us. He would text us, but his texts were so disrespectful and hurtful we had to block him from our phones. He's a grown man and we love him. What should we do? -- DISAPPOINTED PARENTS

DEAR PARENTS: The last presidential election has proved to be so divisive that it has ended friendships and caused rifts in some families. Blocking your son from your phones was a mistake. It would have been better to have just told him you would prefer not to discuss politics via text messages.

Until both sides can start listening respectfully to each other, healing and understanding will not happen. Unblock your phone and let your son know that he hurt your feelings, which is why you did it.

Family & Parenting
life

Man Who Lost His 'Spark' Gets Inspiration From Readers

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 7th, 2017

DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to "Wallowing in the North" (June 16), who has had a wonderful life and has accomplished all the goals he set out for himself at age 56, but now feels no "spark" to carry on. Abby, he's in a unique position to help someone else who hasn't had all those advantages in life.

He could foster a child and enlighten that child about a world he/she might never know without his help. Wouldn't it spark something inside him to see a child's reactions to things the writer may have experienced a hundred times and took for granted? There's so much ugliness and anger in this world. He could play a small part in turning that around.

Or, if helping a child isn't for him, there are many other wonderful causes to get involved in -- aiding a cancer patient in hospice, being involved in protecting the environment, helping a small business -- the list is endless and the need is so great. Any of these endeavors could help him relight his spark. Finding meaning in life can be as simple as extending a hand to someone who can really use it. -- FOUND MY SPARK

DEAR FOUND: You and many other readers offered wonderful suggestions. I appreciate the spirit of helpfulness in which readers responded, hoping to inspire the writer of that letter. Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: Tell "Wallowing" to pick up a course catalog from his local community college and enroll in some classes. He can take art and learn to paint, sculpt or make ceramics; study photography and learn to shoot better pictures; take woodworking and build furniture; take an American Sign Language class and volunteer to work with the deaf; or sign up for a foreign language, culinary or film appreciation course.

I'm just scratching the surface because community colleges have something for everyone. I have taught in one and been an administrator. It's a wonderful place to "find" yourself, whether you're 18, 88 -- or 56. -- DIANA IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: If "Wallowing" is truly tired of dealing with most people, he may want to begin connecting with nature. He could plant or nurture a garden, or install a few birdhouses and let the birds happily serenade him each day. Engaging with nature can change a person for the better and can also change the lives of those around you. -- NATURE LOVER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ABBY: I would like to suggest "Wallowing" talk to his doctor about his testosterone level. I did it, and it boosted my self-esteem, drive and energy. -- ROGER IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR ABBY: May I suggest he have his vitamin D levels checked? I, too, experienced a loss of desire/passion for life when I was close to his age. Turned out, my vitamin D levels were extremely low. Once I started taking a supplement, my interest and excitement in life returned. -- BEEN THROUGH IT IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR ABBY: Your advice should have included becoming active in a church, synagogue or charitable organization. Helping others, whether locally or on a mission trip, yields three results: It has a positive impact on those being helped, it increases the giver's sense of self-worth, and it reminds us how blessed we truly are. -- LOVER OF LIFE IN TEXAS

DEAR LOVER AND DEAR READERS: Amen!

Work & SchoolMental HealthHealth & Safety

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