DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and I have been divorced for three years and share custody of our 10-year-old daughter, who lives with me full time. Her father lives out of state and sees her during the summer months.

Last year my daughter had an incident (an "I'll show you mine, you show me yours" kind of thing) with a friend at school, and my ex and I decided they should no longer hang out after school alone anymore. A year has gone by, and because they're in the same social circle at school, my ex is refusing to allow her to go to any events this friend attends (birthdays, sleepovers), even though there is always adult supervision.

It makes me sad to see her miss out, and I understand that the incident is normal for kids that age. What can I do? Since she does not live with him, can I overrule? -- I'LL SHOW YOU MINE

DEAR I'LL SHOW YOU MINE: I'm sorry your ex-husband doesn't understand that sexual curiosity in children is normal, because it appears he has overreacted. You cannot dictate the rules in his household. However, while your daughter is living with you during the winter months, he cannot overrule your parenting decisions either.

DEAR ABBY: Since the last presidential election our oldest son has stopped communicating with us. He would text us, but his texts were so disrespectful and hurtful we had to block him from our phones. He's a grown man and we love him. What should we do? -- DISAPPOINTED PARENTS

DEAR PARENTS: The last presidential election has proved to be so divisive that it has ended friendships and caused rifts in some families. Blocking your son from your phones was a mistake. It would have been better to have just told him you would prefer not to discuss politics via text messages.

Until both sides can start listening respectfully to each other, healing and understanding will not happen. Unblock your phone and let your son know that he hurt your feelings, which is why you did it.

DEAR ABBY: Since the last presidential election our oldest son has stopped communicating with us. He would text us, but his texts were so disrespectful and hurtful we had to block him from our phones. He's a grown man and we love him. What should we do? -- DISAPPOINTED PARENTS

DEAR PARENTS: The last presidential election has proved to be so divisive that it has ended friendships and caused rifts in some families. Blocking your son from your phones was a mistake. It would have been better to have just told him you would prefer not to discuss politics via text messages.

Until both sides can start listening respectfully to each other, healing and understanding will not happen. Unblock your phone and let your son know that he hurt your feelings, which is why you did it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to "Wallowing in the North" (June 16), who has had a wonderful life and has accomplished all the goals he set out for himself at age 56, but now feels no "spark" to carry on. Abby, he's in a unique position to help someone else who hasn't had all those advantages in life.

He could foster a child and enlighten that child about a world he/she might never know without his help. Wouldn't it spark something inside him to see a child's reactions to things the writer may have experienced a hundred times and took for granted? There's so much ugliness and anger in this world. He could play a small part in turning that around.

Or, if helping a child isn't for him, there are many other wonderful causes to get involved in -- aiding a cancer patient in hospice, being involved in protecting the environment, helping a small business -- the list is endless and the need is so great. Any of these endeavors could help him relight his spark. Finding meaning in life can be as simple as extending a hand to someone who can really use it. -- FOUND MY SPARK

DEAR FOUND: You and many other readers offered wonderful suggestions. I appreciate the spirit of helpfulness in which readers responded, hoping to inspire the writer of that letter. Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: Tell "Wallowing" to pick up a course catalog from his local community college and enroll in some classes. He can take art and learn to paint, sculpt or make ceramics; study photography and learn to shoot better pictures; take woodworking and build furniture; take an American Sign Language class and volunteer to work with the deaf; or sign up for a foreign language, culinary or film appreciation course.

I'm just scratching the surface because community colleges have something for everyone. I have taught in one and been an administrator. It's a wonderful place to "find" yourself, whether you're 18, 88 -- or 56. -- DIANA IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: If "Wallowing" is truly tired of dealing with most people, he may want to begin connecting with nature. He could plant or nurture a garden, or install a few birdhouses and let the birds happily serenade him each day. Engaging with nature can change a person for the better and can also change the lives of those around you. -- NATURE LOVER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ABBY: I would like to suggest "Wallowing" talk to his doctor about his testosterone level. I did it, and it boosted my self-esteem, drive and energy. -- ROGER IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR ABBY: May I suggest he have his vitamin D levels checked? I, too, experienced a loss of desire/passion for life when I was close to his age. Turned out, my vitamin D levels were extremely low. Once I started taking a supplement, my interest and excitement in life returned. -- BEEN THROUGH IT IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR ABBY: Your advice should have included becoming active in a church, synagogue or charitable organization. Helping others, whether locally or on a mission trip, yields three results: It has a positive impact on those being helped, it increases the giver's sense of self-worth, and it reminds us how blessed we truly are. -- LOVER OF LIFE IN TEXAS

DEAR LOVER AND DEAR READERS: Amen!

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 45 years. My husband and I get along fine. We each have our little quirks, but after all these years, we are used to each other. There is just one thing that really bugs me about him. When repairs need to be done outside the house, we have it done -- new roof, new siding, driveway paved, even solar panels. We have also done some work inside, such as remodeling the kitchen and bathrooms.

Twelve years after moving into our home, I finally insisted that it be repainted on the inside. My husband griped about it nonstop. I told him he didn't have to do the painting; we would hire someone to do the job. (He did have to help me move the furniture.)

Well, now it's time to replace the carpet. It's original. It's 30 years old, stained and worn out. Again, he's griping and complaining. It drives a wedge between us. Money isn't the issue. He says I am "always bothering him with one thing after another." Is it asking too much to have these things done inside my home after so many years? -- "NAGGING" WIFE

DEAR WIFE: I don't think so. Nothing lasts forever, and that includes carpet. Make a deal with him -- you will hire someone to move the furniture this time if he will stop complaining. The disruption will be over in a few days, and the interior of your home will look fresher and newer once that carpet is history.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem I don't think you have ever addressed. Both of my testicles have been removed. Fortunately, they were not cancerous. It doesn't bother my wife, which is a blessing. Most support groups are for cancer survivors, and I'm wondering if you know of any groups for men like me. Some days I still can't cope with it because this is part of being a man. Any suggestions? -- TRYING TO COPE IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR TRYING TO COPE: The doctor who saw you through the procedure may be able to refer you to a group or a therapist who can help you with your adjustment. If you haven't already contacted that physician, it would be a good place to start. Although most members of support groups are probably cancer survivors, you still will have much in common, so keep an open mind before dismissing the idea entirely.

DEAR ABBY: What is the appropriate response when I get an invitation to go somewhere and I must decline because I can't afford it or don't want to pay for it? I'm trying to cut my expenses, and I'm embarrassed that I can't afford any new expenses.

I appreciate the invitations, and sometimes, if it's worth it to me, I will accept. I don't want to lie when I really want to say, "This expense isn't worth it to me." What can I say that won't hurt anyone's feelings and won't get me caught in a lie? -- DON'T WANT TO LIE

DEAR DON'T WANT TO LIE: It isn't shameful to admit to someone that money is tight and you have to cut expenses, so you can't attend an event. It's something that everyone should be able to identify with. However, you should refrain from saying the expense "isn't worth it to you," because it comes across as judgmental, and the person may take offense.