DEAR ABBY: My husband, daughter and I all have birthdays in the same month. My mother-in-law always sends gifts for me and my daughter, but never to my husband, her son. He tries to shrug it off, but I know it bothers him.

In earlier years, I thought it was an oversight. I have tried gentle reminders and hints, but again this year there was no gift for her son. It would be different if she sent one only to our daughter, but sending one to me and not to her son is a slap in the face. They have a fairly good relationship, and my husband is kind and generous to his parents.

I haven't opened the gift she sent me this year, and I do not intend to. Should I return it to her with a note explaining why, or donate it and forget about it until it happens next year? -- PERPLEXED IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR PERPLEXED: Your mother-in-law's behavior strikes me as passive aggressive. That it makes you uncomfortable is understandable. Perhaps you and your husband should ask her directly why she does this and let her explain. Then, after you have heard her out, you can tell her that what she's doing makes you uncomfortable, and you would prefer she not send you any more birthday gifts if she intends to ignore her son.

DEAR ABBY: I hate the fact that since I have started high school, I'm restricted by the rules that guys and girls can't be friends unless they're dating. It has been worse since I got into my relationship of 2 1/2 years. I'll be 19 soon, and I have always had guy friends. I find them easier than girls.

My mother says that when you're in a relationship, it is disrespectful to have friends who are guys. My boyfriend and I fight all the time over this issue, and I have had to cut off some of my guy friends because of it. I hate not having anyone to talk to or hang out with except my boyfriend. It has left me with bad blood between me and my old friends. Is this a rule that I didn't know about? I just don't get it, but I know I need help. -- TEEN IN DELAWARE

DEAR TEEN: What your mother may have meant when she said it is disrespectful to have male friends when you are in a relationship is that many men find it threatening. You are young, and at your age it is appropriate that you should be socializing with more than one person. Your mistake was in getting into an exclusive relationship with someone who tells you who you can and cannot be friends with. Break it off, and you may be sad for a while, but you will also be free to grow.

DEAR ABBY: When a large-breasted woman is standing and saluting for the national anthem at sporting events, where should the right hand be placed? Above her breast, under her breast or on her breast? -- JUST WONDERING IN FLORIDA

DEAR JUST WONDERING: It depends upon whom the right hand belongs to. If it's someone else's hand, it should be kept to oneself. If it's the large-breasted woman's hand, it should be placed on her chest toward the top of her left breast.

DEAR ABBY: I am single and the mother of a 7-year-old girl. When she was 4, I decided there would be no parade of guys coming in and out of my life, or any at all. I have barely dated, and the few times I have gone out, I never talked about it around her.

Over the last two or three years, she has come home every few weeks or months with a new boy she likes. I never say much except that she's not allowed to have a boyfriend. She recently swore her grandfather to secrecy and told him she had a boyfriend.

Is this normal? Should I be concerned that she likes a new boy every few weeks, or that she didn't tell me she had a boyfriend even though I don't punish her for being honest? I'm concerned about her being interested in boys at too young an age. -- POSSIBLY PRUDE MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: Having a "boyfriend" at the age of 7 means something different than it does to a teenager or an adult. When your daughter tried to confide in you that she liked someone, you cut her off by telling her it "wasn't allowed." If you had let her confide in you, she wouldn't have found the need to do it with her grandfather. I suggest you open up the lines of communication now, before it's too late.

DEAR ABBY: Taking care of a loved one who has Alzheimer's is difficult. My boyfriend came up with a brilliant idea to help me maintain my own space (the basement in the family home) and still keep track of my mom upstairs. A baby monitor! I could hear everything going on upstairs, at night especially, and it made a challenging time much easier.

Both of my parents had Alzheimer's disease, and I wish I had known about the monitor when Dad was still alive. I hope this will help others to be more effective caregivers without compromising their own lives. -- MISSING MOM AND DAD IN MONTANA

DEAR MISSING: So do I, because placing a baby monitor in the room of a sick person of any age is a good idea in case the person needs assistance. I have heard of this being done not only with Alzheimer's patients but also with people in hospice programs whose caregivers can't be with them every minute. Thank you for writing.

DEAR ABBY: I need suggestions on what to do to get a close family member to go out to lunch with me. I have offered to pay for lunch, let him pick the restaurant and do the driving. ("Nope. Can't go. Got to check with my wife. No.")

I am in my late 80s, and he's in his late 70s. Someday it will be too late. What do you suggest? -- LOOKING TO LUNCH IN THE EAST

DEAR LOOKING TO LUNCH: Try this. Invite his wife to come to lunch with the two of you. However, if that doesn't work, forget about trying to get him to go because he may be less eager to see you than you are to see him.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my 60s, fit, sexually able and I desire physical relations. My wife, because of health issues, is no longer interested in sex. In fact, it would be at least mildly painful to her.

I recently met a lady my age who is in the same predicament. She has a sexual appetite; her husband does not. She hinted she would be interested in being "friends with benefits." I didn't pursue the hint because it caught me by surprise and I wasn't quick-witted enough to follow up on it at the time.

I am wondering if such a relationship is acceptable with today's mores and the circumstances. No, I won't discuss this with my wife. It would only hurt her feelings and strain our relationship. Should I pursue the hint? -- FOLLOW UP ON THE HINT

DEAR FOLLOW UP: I would not advise pursuing the "hint" -- which appears to me to be more of a full frontal assault -- without thinking very carefully. The problem with adulterous relationships is that more often than not, the spouse catches on. If you think that by not talking this out with your wife you will be sparing her feelings, you are wrong. When, not if, she finds out, she will be devastated.

As women age their bodies change, and sex can become painful. But that can be remediated in many cases with prescription and other medications. It's possible they could help your wife. Of course, that's not going to happen unless she talks with her OB/GYN about the problem. And that won't happen unless you talk to her.

DEAR ABBY: I was unhappily married years ago and conceived a child by an ex-boyfriend. My son is now 31. I divorced my husband 28 years ago. He knew the baby was not his, but claimed him as his own son. He refused to do a DNA test when we were going through the divorce. He died a few years ago.

I am in contact with my son's biological father. They look identical, and my grandson looks just like his father and grandfather.

My guilt is consuming me. I want to tell my son that even though the dad he knew all his life is gone, he still has a chance to get to know another father who is his blood. On the other hand, I don't want to ruin my relationship with my son and grandchildren, whom I love very much. How can I tell the truth without hurting my son and our relationship? -- RIGHTING A WRONG

DEAR RIGHTING: Better late than never. Your son needs to know that the man who raised him and claimed him as his own was not his biological father so that he can have a complete medical history. If the birth father wasn't interested in knowing or supporting his son, he sounds more like a sperm donor than a "blood" relative to me. Do not be surprised if your son isn't interested in knowing more about his birth father than the information I suggested.