life

Boyfriend Shows No Interest in Expanding Family of Three

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 23rd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Kevin," and I have been together for five years and have a 4-year-old son we are crazy about. For the past six months, I have been begging Kevin to have another child. Some days he's all for it, but then he changes his mind and starts asking me to give him a good reason why we should. No matter what I say, he always says I want another child "just to have another." What can I tell him to make him change his mind? -- SUFFERING WITH BABY FEVER

DEAR SUFFERING: A reason that occurs to me would be that you do not want your little boy to grow up as an only child.

However, your boyfriend may prefer not to enlarge your family because he doesn't want to be financially responsible for more than one child. Instead of trying to sell him on the idea, perhaps you should ask him to give you some good reasons why he's not as enthusiastic as you are about it. The answer may be that he's not as fully committed to your relationship as you are.

Family & ParentingLove & DatingMoney
life

Pets Are Always Along for the Ride in Dog Owner's Car

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 23rd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Missy," who is "nose blind" when it comes to her pets. She has three enormous dogs who have the run of her house and car.

The first time we carpooled together, the smell in her car was repulsive. The passenger side was filthy, stained and full of dog hair. I don't have pets, so I suspect I may be a little more sensitive than the average person. But not wanting to hurt her feelings, I bit my tongue and got through the ride as best I could.

Lately, I have been driving us to the events we attend together, and I really don't mind doing so. In fact, I prefer it. But she has started asking me why and insists that she'll drive next time. What do I tell her without hurting her feelings? -- DOGGED IN COLORADO

DEAR DOGGED: Tell your friend the truth -- that although she is used to the dogs' odor and the hair they shed, you would rather drive than have to deal with it.

Friends & NeighborsHealth & Safety
life

Couple Wants to End Free Ride for Friends and Family at Vacation Home

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 23rd, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: We bought a vacation home last year and spent a lot of money remodeling it. The problem is, lots of our friends and relatives constantly ask us to use it. The upkeep costs us $400 per month (which goes up when someone uses it). We have never charged anyone to stay there.

We are getting tired of footing the bill for other people's vacations. We wouldn't mind so much if they would offer a little money to offset the extra expenses. Is there a way we can politely ask for it? We are not wealthy, and this was a dream of ours. Thanks for your advice. -- OUR DREAM IN TENNESSEE

DEAR DREAM: Yes, there's a way. The next time someone asks to use your vacation home say, "We'd love to let you do it, but the place costs $400 a month in upkeep, and the expenses go up if someone is staying there. How about splitting the cost with us?" You should not be expected to pay for these people's vacations, and what you are asking is more than fair.

MoneyFamily & ParentingFriends & Neighbors
life

Air Fresheners Are No Match for 'Rotten Ron' in Florida

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 22nd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Ron," and I have been married for 49 years. When we retired, we moved to Florida. Ron is 71 and healthy. He rides his bike 30 to 50 miles every day. He also mows the lawn and takes care of all the gardening.

The problem is, after all that activity in the heat and humidity, he doesn't bother to shower. He'll just change his clothes into whatever he wears for the nighttime. I have spoken to him about it, but I can't seem to get through.

My three sons, ages 47, 43 and 42, don't want to speak to him about it because they don't live with us. For them, it's only a temporary problem.

I'm at my wits' end. I am sensitive to odors, and it has gotten to the point that I want to move out. Please, can you give me some ideas on what to do? The air fresheners I bought for his room are not enough. -- SOMETHING ROTTEN IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SOMETHING: You say you have been married to Ron for 49 years. Was he always so slovenly about his personal hygiene? If it's recent, this may be something that should be brought to the attention of his doctor.

As people age, their senses of sight, hearing and smell start to become less acute. If there's nothing wrong with those senses, could he be developing dementia? Frankly, that was my first thought after reading your letter.

If that's not the case, is it possible that his poor hygiene is intended to keep you away? If that's the reason, then you have two choices -- give him an ultimatum, or ride it out. However, if you do the former, you must be prepared to follow through and accept the consequences.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Friend Can't Remain Silent Witness to Classmate's Abuse

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 22nd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-girl who recently learned some devastating news. One of my good friends, "Sasha," is being abused by her parents. It happens a lot. They beat her with spatulas until they break. She has had broken bones because of them.

Sasha told me she's thinking about suicide and has a plan to overdose on her ADHD meds. I thought it was time to tell someone, so I texted a tip to one of the teachers at our school and told them all about what had happened. One of my other friends told me it wasn't a good idea to do that because her parents will probably hurt her even worse because she told.

I am really worried about her. Did I do the right thing? Is there any other advice that you could give me in order to help her? -- REPORTED ABUSE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR REPORTED: Not only did you do the right thing, you did it perfectly. When a friend confides that she feels so hopeless that death is the answer, the appropriate response is not to keep it a secret, but to try to get her help. You did that, and I applaud you for it.

TeensAbuseFriends & NeighborsMental HealthWork & School
life

Grandma Refuses to Take Boy's Diabetes Seriously

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 21st, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old single mother of two small children. My 5-year-old son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. I'm the only one in my family who has been trained in his care, so I understand the importance of a healthy diet, proper insulin dosage, checking his blood sugar, etc., and that unless his diabetes is properly managed, it could lead to serious health issues -- even death.

I have explained these things to my mother and attempted to train her several times, yet she continues to do things she shouldn't be doing. She stops by my house almost every night with "treats" like candy, ice cream, chocolate bars, doughnuts, etc. When I get upset about it, she'll casually reply, "Oh, whatever. If you dose him for the carbs in it, he's fine," which is not the case. Yes, he can have a treat now and then, but overall, he needs to stay away from that stuff.

It is extremely frustrating that she refuses to listen to me and continues to disrespect my wishes. I don't know what else to do. We have fought repeatedly over this, and she keeps telling me I'm "overreacting." I'm terrified my son will have permanent damage because of this. How do I get her to stop and listen to me? -- FRUSTRATED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You have allowed your son's medical condition to become a power struggle between you and your mother. Schedule an appointment with your son's pediatrician so your mother can have the facts of life explained to her. If that doesn't help her to accept reality, then understand that she can't be trusted. Do not allow her to drop by with goodies, and supervise any contact he has with her. It is your job to protect your little boy, even from your obtuse mother, if necessary.

Family & ParentingHealth & Safety
life

Outstanding School Loan Comes Between Mother and Daughter

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 21st, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am having a difficult time relating to my older daughter. One reason is that when she was 18, I co-signed a $4,000 loan for school. She's now turning 29 and still hasn't paid the loan back. I talk to her about it often and she says, "I'll take care of it," but she never does.

I'm a single mom and still raising a daughter. I'm trying to buy a place of our own, but I am encountering credit problems because of the loan. I don't know what to do. She has my two grandsons, and if I take her to court, I'll never see them again. Please help me. -- HURT MOM IN GEORGIA

DEAR HURT MOM: If you have explained to your older daughter that you need the money now, and have written proof that the loan was made with the promise that it would be repaid, your next step should be to talk to an attorney. And if your daughter retaliates by depriving her children of their grandmother, so be it. At least you and your younger daughter will have a better chance of having a roof of your own over your heads. You have my sympathy.

Family & ParentingMoney

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