life

Air Fresheners Are No Match for 'Rotten Ron' in Florida

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 22nd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Ron," and I have been married for 49 years. When we retired, we moved to Florida. Ron is 71 and healthy. He rides his bike 30 to 50 miles every day. He also mows the lawn and takes care of all the gardening.

The problem is, after all that activity in the heat and humidity, he doesn't bother to shower. He'll just change his clothes into whatever he wears for the nighttime. I have spoken to him about it, but I can't seem to get through.

My three sons, ages 47, 43 and 42, don't want to speak to him about it because they don't live with us. For them, it's only a temporary problem.

I'm at my wits' end. I am sensitive to odors, and it has gotten to the point that I want to move out. Please, can you give me some ideas on what to do? The air fresheners I bought for his room are not enough. -- SOMETHING ROTTEN IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SOMETHING: You say you have been married to Ron for 49 years. Was he always so slovenly about his personal hygiene? If it's recent, this may be something that should be brought to the attention of his doctor.

As people age, their senses of sight, hearing and smell start to become less acute. If there's nothing wrong with those senses, could he be developing dementia? Frankly, that was my first thought after reading your letter.

If that's not the case, is it possible that his poor hygiene is intended to keep you away? If that's the reason, then you have two choices -- give him an ultimatum, or ride it out. However, if you do the former, you must be prepared to follow through and accept the consequences.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Friend Can't Remain Silent Witness to Classmate's Abuse

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 22nd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-girl who recently learned some devastating news. One of my good friends, "Sasha," is being abused by her parents. It happens a lot. They beat her with spatulas until they break. She has had broken bones because of them.

Sasha told me she's thinking about suicide and has a plan to overdose on her ADHD meds. I thought it was time to tell someone, so I texted a tip to one of the teachers at our school and told them all about what had happened. One of my other friends told me it wasn't a good idea to do that because her parents will probably hurt her even worse because she told.

I am really worried about her. Did I do the right thing? Is there any other advice that you could give me in order to help her? -- REPORTED ABUSE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR REPORTED: Not only did you do the right thing, you did it perfectly. When a friend confides that she feels so hopeless that death is the answer, the appropriate response is not to keep it a secret, but to try to get her help. You did that, and I applaud you for it.

Mental HealthFriends & NeighborsWork & SchoolAbuseTeens
life

Grandma Refuses to Take Boy's Diabetes Seriously

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 21st, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old single mother of two small children. My 5-year-old son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. I'm the only one in my family who has been trained in his care, so I understand the importance of a healthy diet, proper insulin dosage, checking his blood sugar, etc., and that unless his diabetes is properly managed, it could lead to serious health issues -- even death.

I have explained these things to my mother and attempted to train her several times, yet she continues to do things she shouldn't be doing. She stops by my house almost every night with "treats" like candy, ice cream, chocolate bars, doughnuts, etc. When I get upset about it, she'll casually reply, "Oh, whatever. If you dose him for the carbs in it, he's fine," which is not the case. Yes, he can have a treat now and then, but overall, he needs to stay away from that stuff.

It is extremely frustrating that she refuses to listen to me and continues to disrespect my wishes. I don't know what else to do. We have fought repeatedly over this, and she keeps telling me I'm "overreacting." I'm terrified my son will have permanent damage because of this. How do I get her to stop and listen to me? -- FRUSTRATED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You have allowed your son's medical condition to become a power struggle between you and your mother. Schedule an appointment with your son's pediatrician so your mother can have the facts of life explained to her. If that doesn't help her to accept reality, then understand that she can't be trusted. Do not allow her to drop by with goodies, and supervise any contact he has with her. It is your job to protect your little boy, even from your obtuse mother, if necessary.

Health & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Outstanding School Loan Comes Between Mother and Daughter

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 21st, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am having a difficult time relating to my older daughter. One reason is that when she was 18, I co-signed a $4,000 loan for school. She's now turning 29 and still hasn't paid the loan back. I talk to her about it often and she says, "I'll take care of it," but she never does.

I'm a single mom and still raising a daughter. I'm trying to buy a place of our own, but I am encountering credit problems because of the loan. I don't know what to do. She has my two grandsons, and if I take her to court, I'll never see them again. Please help me. -- HURT MOM IN GEORGIA

DEAR HURT MOM: If you have explained to your older daughter that you need the money now, and have written proof that the loan was made with the promise that it would be repaid, your next step should be to talk to an attorney. And if your daughter retaliates by depriving her children of their grandmother, so be it. At least you and your younger daughter will have a better chance of having a roof of your own over your heads. You have my sympathy.

MoneyFamily & Parenting
life

Wife Tires of Long Marriage to a Resentful Curmudgeon

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 20th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I will soon be married 48 years, but it is not much of a marriage. There is no sex, no touching, no kind and compassionate words, only bickering and arguing. I can't figure out why I'm still here. I have thought about leaving many times.

I have written three books, and because of it, my husband has ridiculed me. I have also owned and operated two businesses. I'm active in the community, which he resents. He is an introvert, while I am an extrovert. He no longer accompanies me to activities, but when he did, he would make snide remarks to people who stopped to chat with us. So I no longer invite him. Help me, please! -- SAD, LONELY WIFE

DEAR WIFE: I will try. If you are asking my permission to divorce your husband, I can't give it to you. Instead, I suggest you ask yourself why you have tolerated such a lonely marriage for 48 years and what you feel you would have to gain by leaving. As an intelligent woman, once you answer that, I think you will know what to do.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Stepmother's Opinions Are Valued, but Not Much

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 20th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of two. I share 50 percent custody of my children with their father. My children also have two stepparents.

How involved in decision-making should the stepparents be? I value their opinions, but I think I know what is best for my children. Their stepmother isn't particularly involved in their activities or pickups and drop-offs, but never hesitates to interject her opinions about what I should do with their time. It causes communication problems between their father and me. I don't want to be rude to her. Where does the line need to be drawn? -- MOMMA KNOWS BEST

DEAR MOMMA KNOWS BEST: Give your ex's current wife the benefit of the doubt. She may be trying to be helpful. Then, for the sake of your own sanity, simply ignore her comments and continue communicating with your ex in parenting matters.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting
life

Singular Sartorial Choices Are Not Fashion Trends

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 20th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Many years ago, as I was about to graduate from college and begin looking for a job, I read a book called "Dress for Success." One of the things I remember from it is that a man's tie should be tied to a length that is between the last button of his shirt and the top of his belt buckle.

Since the last election I have noticed that many politicians, our new president included, wear their ties several inches below their belt. Is this a fashion trend or just them being unique? -- CHRIS IN WASHINGTON

DEAR CHRIS: I brought your question to the attention of the Brooks Brothers corporate office and was told that what you read in "Dress for Success" was correct. That some people wear their ties longer is an individual style decision, and not a fashion trend.

Etiquette & Ethics

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