life

Wife Opposes Husband's Plan to Donate Sperm to a Friend

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 4th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, I married a kind, hard-working man I'll call Travis. These two years have been the best of my life, and I couldn't imagine a better husband. However, I just got some news I feel is threatening our marriage.

Travis' friend from childhood, "Bethany," wants to start a family with her wife. Travis informed me that he agreed to donate his sperm to Bethany so she can become pregnant. I feel betrayed. My husband will be starting a family with his friend before we have kids! I know it may seem irrational, but I feel like he's cheating on me.

When I told him how I felt, he said I was being selfish and it was his decision. He also said it wouldn't matter because he isn't going to help raise the child. Does Travis really have the right to donate his sperm without my consent? If so, how do I suppress my anger toward him and Bethany? -- FUMING IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR FUMING: You are asking some intelligent questions, but ones that should be answered by an attorney. Your husband may be the nicest, most generous man on the planet, but there are contingencies that need to be taken into consideration before Bethany becomes pregnant. Please suppress your anger long enough to convince Travis that he shouldn't rush into this agreement without legal counsel. He may thank you for it later.

Marriage & DivorceFriends & NeighborsFamily & Parenting
life

Woman Walked Into Marriage Unaware of Mother-in-Law's Opposition

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 4th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: Traditionally, husbands-to-be ask the fiancee's father for permission to marry her. Why do we never hear about the bride-to-be asking the husband's mother for her permission?

My husband asked my dad before proposing to me. I think it was a nice gesture, and Dad was delighted for him to be included into our family. Had I asked my MIL for permission to marry her son, I would have known right away she was opposed to it.

Now, three rocky years later, she's still accusing me of taking her son away from her. She tells him if he ever wants to leave me, he's more than welcome to come back home to Mommy. (His three other siblings still live there.)

Had I asked, I would have known up front that she hated me (not because of who I am, but because she didn't want her oldest to ever leave). Would I still have married him? I think I would have, but I would have been prepared for the treacherous days ahead. -- UNPREPARED FOR THE TREACHERY

DEAR UNPREPARED: You have my sympathy. When mothers-in-law from heaven were handed out, it appears you were assigned someone from as far south as one can get. She may be the reason that verse in the Bible about leaving and cleaving was included. Your situation illustrates why it's important for women -- and men -- to get to know the family of their intended before taking that trip to the altar.

P.S. Traditionally, women were considered to be the property of their fathers, which is why permission needed to be granted before they were "given" in marriage. The same was not true of sons.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting
life

Millionaire Boyfriend Proves Stingy With Airline Rewards

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 3rd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am in a long-distance relationship with a man who lives halfway across the country. Because he's very wealthy, he arranges for all the airfare. I am a single mother and I have limited finances.

"Bruce" owns a successful business and, through his business, racks up millions of credit card points. He never pays out of pocket for any vacation expenses -- hotels, car, airfare, cruises, etc.

Because I have been flying so often to see him, I have been bumped several times from my flights and received travel credits on the airlines, which I was excited to get because now I have the ability to fly with my children somewhere.

The problem is, Bruce insists I use the vouchers only to see him since they were obtained on his points. I argued that they were my vouchers for giving up my seats. He says, yes, the seats he "bought."

Getting airfare is absolutely no skin off his nose -- he has millions of dollars and millions of points! Am I out of line here? -- BUMPED IN KANSAS

DEAR BUMPED: I don't think so. However, you are getting an insight into Bruce -- who appears to be unwilling to subsidize any travel that includes your children. If you haven't already noticed, that should be a big red flag if you're considering a future with this millionaire.

Love & DatingMoney
life

Friend Who Opts Out of Business Venture May Have Opted Out of Friendship Too

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 3rd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My three best friends over the last four years recently decided to start a business together. They said I was more than welcome to join them, but financially I wasn't able to swing it. I work part-time, so I have been helping them when I can.

When we get together for dinner once a month, most of their conversation focuses on their business. But recently they discussed a shopping trip they took together. They went on a day I could have gone, but I was not invited. Should I take this -- and other similar incidents -- as a hint that our friendship has run its course? -- FEELING LEFT OUT

DEAR FEELING LEFT OUT: Talking about the shopping trip in front of you was insensitive. However, you may not have been invited because your friends were afraid you might be embarrassed it you could not participate in the shopping. You mentioned that their business arrangement is recent. They may be discussing business because that's what is on their minds.

Don't write them off or withdraw just yet. You can always do that. Wait to see how things play out.

Friends & NeighborsMoney
life

Target of Woman's Affection Looks for Escape

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 3rd, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Help! I'm a 67-year-old man being relentlessly chased by a 68-year-old woman. I have told her I want to date other women and will be moving out of the country at the end of the year. Despite this, she is constantly trying to maneuver me into an exclusive relationship, probably ending in living together. I don't want to hurt her, but I'm at a loss as to how to get her to back off. -- HAPPILY UNCOMMITTED

DEAR UNCOMMITTED: Here's how. Tell her you can't handle the pressure she's putting on you and end the relationship now.

Love & Dating
life

Young Cyberbullying Victim Admits to Cutting Herself

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 2nd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter "Ruby" has been cyberbullied. I suspect a friend of hers who is her on-again, off-again friend. When the girl is "off," she is cruel, but Ruby is very attached to her.

Ruby has told her dad and me she's so depressed and has such low self-esteem from it and that she has started cutting herself. (I think she has just started because she has no marks I could find). Her father is not very concerned, but I am. What's the next step for me in doing something about this before it has escalated to a level beyond my help? -- CONCERNED GRANDMA IN ALASKA

DEAR GRANDMA: Continue to affirm your granddaughter, but for now her online presence and social media should be eliminated. Consider putting Ruby into activities that will expose her to different people. A self-defense course might build her confidence and self-esteem, as well as give her the opportunity to make new friends.

However, if she remains depressed to the point of self-injury, your granddaughter may need professional counseling to help her overcome it.

Family & ParentingMental HealthFriends & Neighbors
life

Jealous Dad Spoils Plans for Mother-Daughter Girls' Trip

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 2nd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am 32, married, with two young sons. Since starting my own family, I have grown closer with my mom as a source of support and guidance. The problem is, my dad seems to be jealous of the relationship I have with her -- probably because I was a daddy's girl growing up.

Mom and I were planning a girls' trip together, just the two of us, and Dad said my mom couldn't go because he was feeling left out. This was after he invited himself along on another attempt at a girls' trip.

How can I have a close relationship with my mom without hurting my dad? Should I confront him? -- FORMER DADDY'S GIRL IN GEORGIA

DEAR FORMER DADDY'S GIRL: No, your mother should confront him. That you need bonding time with your mother is not a rejection of your father. That you were "Daddy's girl" implies that he was the favored parent for decades. He doesn't own you -- or her.

Women need each other, and what your mother has to offer you at this stage of your life is important. I hope the two of you won't allow your father's insecurity and apparently controlling nature to interfere.

Family & Parenting
life

Group Offers Eye Exams for Seniors in Need

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 2nd, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR READERS: Medical eye exams can catch early signs of disease before vision is lost. In addition, many diseases -- from high blood pressure and diabetes to some cancers -- can be diagnosed early through a medical eye exam.

For seniors who haven't had an exam in three or more years, the American Academy of Ophthalmology's EyeCare America program may be able to help. Since 1985, EyeCare America has helped almost 2 million people. More than 90 percent of the eye care provided by nearly 6,000 volunteer ophthalmologists is at no out-of-pocket cost to the patient.

This service is offered year-round. To find out if you or your loved ones qualify for this program, visit eyecareamerica.org.

Health & Safety

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