DEAR ABBY: My first marriage ended in divorce 35 years ago because my wife had cheated on me several times. I suspected then that I wasn't my daughter's biological father. Lately I have been wondering about my son, too. Both are in their late 30s now. Obviously, I decided to accept them as my own.

My son and his daughter both have health problems. My granddaughter's medical problems are very serious, but the doctors aren't sure what she has. A saliva test to determine if he is my biological son might give him or my granddaughter some insight into their medical problems. Should I have this test done? -- QUESTIONING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR QUESTIONING: Because you feel there is the possibility the test might shed light on genetic medical conditions, discuss it with your son and let him decide whether he wants it done. If there is a chance that the health problems affecting him and his daughter are inherited from his paternal bloodline and you turn out not to be his father, he may want to ask his mother who the person is and see if the man would be willing to have genetic testing done.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I usually hosted all the get-togethers among our friends. We haven't been able to do that for about six months.

Hosting is something I love to do when I'm not working. My family, friends and co-workers have all told me they no longer want to visit -- or vice versa -- because of my husband. He gets drunk and treats them like they are inferior. My husband, a stay-at-home dad, does not see it. There are now many people in my life I no longer see because of his rudeness.

My husband and I have been best friends since third grade. I love him, but protecting him and making excuses for him is exhausting. What should I do? -- HARD-WORKING SPOUSE

DEAR HARD WORKING: One of the symptoms of a "problem drinker" is when the drinking affects that person's relationships. Your mistake has been in trying to protect your husband from the consequences of his drinking. What you need to do is attend some Al-Anon meetings and do what you can to steer your husband out of denial and into a substance-abuse program. To find a meeting near you, visit al-anon.org.

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, I hired a woman to keep house for me. She's a single mom and not well off. I cleaned out my closet recently and selected more than 100 items to donate. I told my cleaning lady to go through them and choose anything she might wear, but asked that she take only things she really wanted because I planned to donate the rest to a charity. To my surprise, she took two-thirds of the stuff. I hope she isn't selling it. I'm not sure if I should say anything to her. What do you think? -- NEW TO THIS IN ARIZONA

DEAR NEW TO THIS: I think that the next time you decide to clear out your closet, you offer the woman a limited number of garments and that's all.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 30-year-old female who has extreme hemophobia. I cannot see blood or hear people talk about anything blood-related. I pass out when my blood is drawn, and I cannot have a finger-prick blood test either. It's even difficult for me to write this message.

I work in an office and I have told my co-workers about my problem and asked them to please avoid the topic when I'm present. They think my request is unreasonable and that I'm just being silly. When someone brings up the subject, I quickly leave the room, sit down out of earshot and put my head between my legs. Then they laugh at me. When I mentioned this problem to my supervisor, he said he doesn't feel there is anything he can do about it because it's not a subject that is against company policy or taboo.

I'm just looking for some compassion and understanding from my co-workers. I don't want to have to find another job, but I can't keep running for cover every day, and I don't want to pass out and injure myself. How can I make them see that this is a real medical problem and I'm not just looking for attention? -- PASSING OUT IN MISSOURI

DEAR PASSING OUT: Unless you work in a doctor's office or a blood bank, I fail to see why the subject of blood would come up on a regular basis. Because your co-workers know how it affects you, I can only assume that they are either extremely thoughtless and insensitive, or do it intentionally to upset you or make you sick.

Raise the subject again with your supervisor. Explain that you don't want to look for another job and what they're doing is creating the opposite of a friendly work environment. If he still won't intervene, consider discussing your problem with a mental health professional who specializes in phobias, because there may be a therapy that can help to lessen or even eliminate your condition.

DEAR ABBY: I am wondering about the use of the term "fiancee." Urban Dictionary says it is now considered a "White Trash culture" term for a long-term girlfriend. I'm beginning to hear it used more and more often by people I certainly would not think of as white trash. Is there another way to refer to a significant other when no wedding is planned or a date set? Do other cultures or languages have a word for this? -- WONDERING ABOUT WORDS

DEAR WONDERING: "Fiancee" is a word of French origin that is defined as "a woman engaged to be married." When couples cohabitate with no plan to marry, the term they often use when referring to their significant other is "partner." Of course, our culture is more liberal than some others that label those who choose to live this way as "fornicators." While other cultures may have terms for it, I am unfamiliar with them.

DEAR ABBY: Can you tell me why men watch porn? My husband watches porn on the computer at all hours of the night. When I found out about it six months ago, he promised he would stop doing it, but I just realized that he still goes online and watches it when I'm asleep at night and early in the morning.

Our sex life has diminished to almost nothing. I considered blocking the site on his computer, but is that a good idea? Please help me. How can I compete with this? -- FEELING DISRESPECTED

DEAR FEELING: Men watch porn because they are turned on by the visual. You have a right to a sex life, but meddling with your husband's computer won't fix your problem. Because your marital needs are not being met, frame your conversation with him that way. He may be addicted to online porn and unable to stop watching without a professional intervention.

P.S. Please stop comparing yourself with what your husband is viewing on screen, because what he is seeing isn't real. It's show business. And it's about as authentic as "Guardians of the Galaxy."

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 13 years and have two young sons. She's a free spirit. She likes to independently make a lot of decisions that affect us both. This has led to arguments about what should or should not be decided on together.

We have had years of counseling with multiple professionals. Frankly, I feel she ignores my opinions and concerns if I don't agree with her position on an issue. She will commit to a compromise, then turn around and do what she wants anyway.

Recently, she brought up having permanent eyebrow makeup done on an international trip she was taking without me. I asked her to wait until she returned so we could discuss it further before she jumped into it. Despite promising not to, she did it anyway, and I think it looks awful.

I'm left feeling my trust in her has been further damaged and I have a reminder of it staring me in the face on a daily basis. How can I trust her in the future? How can I get past looking at her ugly choice every day? -- DISGUSTED IN ARIZONA

DEAR DISGUSTED: If "years of counseling" haven't worked for the two of you, I think it's fair to conclude that you and your wife have a troubled marriage. While some might say that it's your wife's face and what she puts on it is her business, if a daily reminder of her broken promise to you is a deal-breaker, it may be time to consider whether you can forgive her or if it would be in everyone's best interests to go your separate ways. In marriage there is supposed to be compromise. If you are staying because of your sons, take into consideration that because your relationship with your wife is dysfunctional, the tension your boys are exposed to on a daily basis is not healthy.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: At sundown tonight, Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, begins. As we begin this time of solemn introspection, I would like to wish you all "L'shana tova tikatevu" -- may you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year.