DEAR ABBY: Can you tell me why men watch porn? My husband watches porn on the computer at all hours of the night. When I found out about it six months ago, he promised he would stop doing it, but I just realized that he still goes online and watches it when I'm asleep at night and early in the morning.

Our sex life has diminished to almost nothing. I considered blocking the site on his computer, but is that a good idea? Please help me. How can I compete with this? -- FEELING DISRESPECTED

DEAR FEELING: Men watch porn because they are turned on by the visual. You have a right to a sex life, but meddling with your husband's computer won't fix your problem. Because your marital needs are not being met, frame your conversation with him that way. He may be addicted to online porn and unable to stop watching without a professional intervention.

P.S. Please stop comparing yourself with what your husband is viewing on screen, because what he is seeing isn't real. It's show business. And it's about as authentic as "Guardians of the Galaxy."

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 13 years and have two young sons. She's a free spirit. She likes to independently make a lot of decisions that affect us both. This has led to arguments about what should or should not be decided on together.

We have had years of counseling with multiple professionals. Frankly, I feel she ignores my opinions and concerns if I don't agree with her position on an issue. She will commit to a compromise, then turn around and do what she wants anyway.

Recently, she brought up having permanent eyebrow makeup done on an international trip she was taking without me. I asked her to wait until she returned so we could discuss it further before she jumped into it. Despite promising not to, she did it anyway, and I think it looks awful.

I'm left feeling my trust in her has been further damaged and I have a reminder of it staring me in the face on a daily basis. How can I trust her in the future? How can I get past looking at her ugly choice every day? -- DISGUSTED IN ARIZONA

DEAR DISGUSTED: If "years of counseling" haven't worked for the two of you, I think it's fair to conclude that you and your wife have a troubled marriage. While some might say that it's your wife's face and what she puts on it is her business, if a daily reminder of her broken promise to you is a deal-breaker, it may be time to consider whether you can forgive her or if it would be in everyone's best interests to go your separate ways. In marriage there is supposed to be compromise. If you are staying because of your sons, take into consideration that because your relationship with your wife is dysfunctional, the tension your boys are exposed to on a daily basis is not healthy.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: At sundown tonight, Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, begins. As we begin this time of solemn introspection, I would like to wish you all "L'shana tova tikatevu" -- may you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year.

DEAR ABBY: My mother is extremely self-centered. Ever since I can remember, everything has always been about her. That's probably why she and Dad split. You can't have a conversation with her without her turning it around and making it about her.

I'm 25. I just want to have a regular conversation with my mom without her somehow bringing the mood down by saying she has demons to deal with on her own and she can't be positive or happy for others.

Abby, there's nothing wrong with her! She's healthy, fit, has a wonderful job she claims to love, and friends she goes out with often and seems to have fun with. She's out literally every weekend. I just don't get why she never makes time for me or any of my siblings.

I'm afraid I'll never have that mother/daughter relationship. Maybe I wouldn't care so much if I had another role model to confide in, but unfortunately, I have neither a mother nor a father figure in my life. My siblings and I have been cheated in the parent department -- a father who left us and a mother who thinks only of herself. Advice? -- LOST SOUL IN OHIO

DEAR LOST SOUL: This may be of small comfort to you, but other readers over the years have described situations like your own. I'll share with you what I have advised them.

Because your mother apparently feels her parenting job is finished, it's time to build a "family" of your own. Because you crave the wisdom an older woman can provide, consider doing some volunteer work for seniors, perhaps at a senior citizen center. Your efforts will be valued, and in a short time you may begin building relationships with more than one person who can assuage your emptiness while you fill a need in their lives, too.

DEAR ABBY: My sister asked if I would attend a women's conference with her. I hastily agreed, and we kind of dropped it until recently. The conference is eight months away and I just found out the location and who will be the speakers. After reviewing the information, I realize I'm not all that interested in attending.

When I told my sister, she became furious! I apologized for letting her down, but I don't want to spend hundreds of dollars to attend a conference I'm not that jazzed about. She's still mad at me, and I don't want to dismiss her feelings, but I feel that canceling eight months in advance is OK. We hadn't purchased tickets or made hotel reservations yet. Can you give me some advice? -- DON'T WANT TO GO

DEAR DON'T WANT TO: Your sister may have had more in mind than just the conference when she invited you to go with her. She may have wanted a bonding experience as well, which may be why she has reacted so strongly.

I agree that eight months in advance is sufficient notice that you want to cancel. It may smooth her ruffled feathers if you call your sister and suggest there might be something else you can do together that would be of greater interest to both of you.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a great guy for a few months. He treats me well and seems to care about me and my family. He offers to help with the bills and cleaning my place. He's also kind and honest, and he's actually the first guy I have ever dated I feel I can fully trust.

I was single for years before we started dating, and during all that time, all I wanted was to be with someone like him. However, being single as long as I have been has made me very independent, which I really like. We have certain days that we don't see each other so I can have my "alone time," but -- more and more -- I feel like those few days aren't enough.

I'm starting to realize that, for the most part, I really enjoy being alone. I don't get why I feel this way. He's everything I have always wanted in a partner, so why do I still always want to be by myself? Do other people have the same kind of feelings I do? Or is this not normal behavior? -- WANT TO BE ALONE

DEAR WANT: I think most people need a degree of alone time to concentrate on their interests or to be creative. That's normal. However, you state that you don't feel you have enough of it, and even though you are seeing someone you think is "Mr. Wonderful," you still always want more. Your next step should be to talk with Mr. Wonderful about the fact that you need more time alone. It may be something the two of you can work out. However, if it isn't, you will have to face the fact that you may not be ready to couple up.

DEAR ABBY: My parents have been divorced for years, so I go to my mum's for a week and to my dad and stepmum's the next. Recently I have been going to my dad's less often because he is giving me major anxiety. He keeps asking questions I don't want to answer because they either might be about my mum or are just not "appropriate."

Dad and his wife are "sticky beaks." They don't mind their own business. I just started high school, so I'm very stressed and have been crying a lot. Can you help me to get my life together? -- MAJORLY ANXIOUS IN AUSTRALIA

DEAR ANXIOUS: A new school can be intimidating for first-year students until they become used to the routine and more at ease with classmates. However, with time, you will settle in and it will no longer be stressful for you. In fact, it may offer opportunities to explore interests you were never exposed to in the lower grades.

As to your father and his wife, you do not have to report to them what your mother is doing or whom she is seeing (if anyone), or answer any questions that embarrass you. When they ask, ask them to please stop because the questions make you uncomfortable. If they persist, tell your mum and let her deal with them. She may be able to explain that what they're doing is driving you away, and if they don't stop, they will be seeing less and less of you.