life

Hands-on Approach to Other Women Disturbs Man's Wife

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 15th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband cannot be around a female without putting his hands on her shoulder or back. He "has" to touch. I'm not jealous, but embarrassed when I see women cringe and the expression on their faces sometimes. I keep hoping one of them will confront him about it. It's getting worse the older he gets, especially with younger women.

Do not suggest talking to him. He is never wrong and becomes livid when confronted. He reads your column, so please, Abby, give me some advice. -- TIRED OF BEING EMBARRASSED

DEAR TIRED: I assume your husband does this only with unaccompanied young females, because if he did it with women who had an escort, their date or their husband would straighten him out. Because you can see the women are uncomfortable, talk privately with them and suggest they speak up and tell him not to do it again.

Etiquette & EthicsMarriage & Divorce
life

Son Sides With Belligerent New Wife in Family Blowups

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 15th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My divorced son remarried a short time ago. His new wife seems to have no boundaries and no filters. If anything comes up that displeases her, she becomes verbally aggressive and in your face. (She has been fired numerous times because of it.) I have been on the receiving end several times, publicly. My son looks the other way, and if pressed, he supports her.

How can I maintain a relationship with my son, whom I love, and not expose myself to this woman's abuse? (He no longer receives invitations to the family dinners his sister hosts, and my son's adult children actively avoid her.) -- BATTERED MOTHER-IN-LAW

DEAR BATTERED: You do not have to tolerate being verbally abused. Because your son's wife "has no filters," try to see him separately -- perhaps for lunch dates -- if possible. If he is so much under her control that he refuses, you may have to accept that she has managed to isolate him from family.

Tell him you love him, and your heart and your home are always open to him. Then point out that you are not the only family member who feels this way, but for the sake of your mental health, you can no longer tolerate her abuse.

AbuseFamily & Parenting
life

Age Is a Touchy Subject

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 15th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: During a recent cross-country tour of Italy, I was asked my age by five different people in the group. My being polite -- and evasive -- didn't deter them. Please inform your readers that some people find it offensive to be asked that question. -- AGELESS IN ARKANSAS

DEAR AGELESS: I agree that not everyone wants to discuss their age. Perhaps the questioners didn't realize they were being rude. However, if you indicated that you didn't want to answer and your fellow travelers persisted, you would have had every right to end the conversation by saying, "I don't discuss my age. Period!"

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Pressure From Boyfriend Spurs Teen to Question Relationship

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 14th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl in a somewhat happy relationship. When I first started dating my boyfriend, he was all about it, as was I. But now it seems like he's only interested in sex. He's always asking me to send him videos and pictures of myself nude, and I just keep telling him I'm not ready for anything like that. I also don't think he is understanding my comfort zone about the topic of us having sex.

I have told my friends. They say I'm in an unhealthy relationship because he might pressure me into something I don't want to do. So now, I'm debating whether or not to break up with him. Do you think I should stay with him or break up with him? -- TEEN IN EDMONTON, CANADA

DEAR TEEN: Your friends are right. This romance doesn't appear to be headed anywhere healthy.

Naked pictures are considered pornographic and could get you and that young man in serious trouble. Surely you are aware that once something gets on the internet, it's in the public domain forever. Once you have sent your boyfriend the pictures, they could wind up passed around and viewed by everyone at your school.

Your resolve not to have sex may be rock solid, but even granite can eventually be eroded by a constant drip of water. Don't think for one moment he doesn't understand how you feel about not having sex with him. If he cared about your comfort zone, he would stop bringing the subject up and trying to wear you down. Because he persists, you should break up with him.

Sex & GenderLove & DatingTeens
life

Dad Is Slow to Repay Money 'Borrowed' From Son's Piggy Bank

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 14th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for eight years and have a wonderful, kindhearted 13-year-old son. My ex-husband and I barely communicate because he was very hurtful and controlling. He was supposed to pay some form of child support, but has never given me a dime. He refuses because of my income, and he hides his money in his business.

I have come to accept his selfishness, but a month ago he "borrowed" $130 from my son's piggy bank -- hard-earned money his relatives gave him for doing chores, getting good grades and birthday gifts. My son has asked his father to return the money, but it has been more than a month and his dad keeps making excuses.

My son is devastated that his dad took his money. It didn't surprise me because my ex always felt entitled to other people's things. What advice can I give my son on how to get his money back, or is it gone forever? -- PIGGY BANK ROBBERY

DEAR ROBBERY: That your ex would steal money from his son and stonewall about returning it is shameful. Tell your son you are sorry his father let him down, and that the money likely won't be returned.

Then advise him that because the piggy bank wasn't secure, it's time the two of you opened a bank account for him and that the signatories will be you and him. This will prevent a repeat of what happened. If it's an interest-bearing account, it will earn money while it's there instead of sitting idle with "Miss Piggy."

TeensMoneyFamily & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

Handy Advice and Tips Help Girls Sharpen Social Skills

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 13th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I enjoy reading your column, especially letters regarding young girls and their social skills. I have two granddaughters who have the normal drama, mostly with other girls. I worry their social skills are getting sidetracked.

I am interested in ordering your booklet about popularity. You have such a good way with words, and I'm sure the girls would find it helpful and enjoyable reading. They are the only grandchildren I have, and I'm trying to give them insight and help them along to become fully functional, successful adults. Is it still available? -- LINDA IN TERRE HAUTE, IND.

DEAR LINDA: Yes, the booklet is still available. It was written in response to thousands of questions from readers over the years who were not naturally socially assertive and contains many useful tips for polishing social skills. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. You will find the booklet covers a variety of situations and is meant for people of all ages. Everyone wants to be the kind of person others find interesting, attractive and worth knowing better. (If parents, teachers and clergy know someone needing help in this regard, it might make an inexpensive gift that could help change the course of that person's life.)

The key to being well-liked by both sexes is: Be kind. Be honest. Be tactful. Don't be afraid to give someone a compliment if you think it's deserved.

If you think you're not beautiful (or handsome), be well-groomed, tastefully dressed, conscious of your posture. (People who stand tall project self-confidence.) If you are not a "brain," try harder. If you are smarter than most, don't be a know-it-all. Ask others what they think and encourage them to share their opinions.

If you're not a good athlete, be a good sport. Be generous with kind words and affectionate gestures, but respect yourself and your family values always. If you think "putting out" will make someone like you, forget it. (It won't work, and later you'll be glad you didn't.) If you need help, ask God. And if you don't need anything, thank God!

Etiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

Writer Needs Way to Drown Out Noise So She Can Think

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 13th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My husband refuses to wear headphones. This means that when we sit in the living room together, I must put up with the blaring noise of whatever he is watching.

I do a lot of writing, and in order to think, I need silence. I have tried earplugs, but they don't muffle enough of the noise. Now, when I have had enough, I leave the room. This results in us being in two separate places, which he hates. Is there another solution I may be overlooking? -- LOUD IN MAINE

DEAR LOUD: You might try noise-canceling headphones. However, if that doesn't work, because you need to "hear" in your head the sentences you are trying to write, you may have to do your writing when your husband is not at home.

Marriage & Divorce

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