life

Pressure From Boyfriend Spurs Teen to Question Relationship

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 14th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl in a somewhat happy relationship. When I first started dating my boyfriend, he was all about it, as was I. But now it seems like he's only interested in sex. He's always asking me to send him videos and pictures of myself nude, and I just keep telling him I'm not ready for anything like that. I also don't think he is understanding my comfort zone about the topic of us having sex.

I have told my friends. They say I'm in an unhealthy relationship because he might pressure me into something I don't want to do. So now, I'm debating whether or not to break up with him. Do you think I should stay with him or break up with him? -- TEEN IN EDMONTON, CANADA

DEAR TEEN: Your friends are right. This romance doesn't appear to be headed anywhere healthy.

Naked pictures are considered pornographic and could get you and that young man in serious trouble. Surely you are aware that once something gets on the internet, it's in the public domain forever. Once you have sent your boyfriend the pictures, they could wind up passed around and viewed by everyone at your school.

Your resolve not to have sex may be rock solid, but even granite can eventually be eroded by a constant drip of water. Don't think for one moment he doesn't understand how you feel about not having sex with him. If he cared about your comfort zone, he would stop bringing the subject up and trying to wear you down. Because he persists, you should break up with him.

TeensLove & DatingSex & Gender
life

Dad Is Slow to Repay Money 'Borrowed' From Son's Piggy Bank

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 14th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for eight years and have a wonderful, kindhearted 13-year-old son. My ex-husband and I barely communicate because he was very hurtful and controlling. He was supposed to pay some form of child support, but has never given me a dime. He refuses because of my income, and he hides his money in his business.

I have come to accept his selfishness, but a month ago he "borrowed" $130 from my son's piggy bank -- hard-earned money his relatives gave him for doing chores, getting good grades and birthday gifts. My son has asked his father to return the money, but it has been more than a month and his dad keeps making excuses.

My son is devastated that his dad took his money. It didn't surprise me because my ex always felt entitled to other people's things. What advice can I give my son on how to get his money back, or is it gone forever? -- PIGGY BANK ROBBERY

DEAR ROBBERY: That your ex would steal money from his son and stonewall about returning it is shameful. Tell your son you are sorry his father let him down, and that the money likely won't be returned.

Then advise him that because the piggy bank wasn't secure, it's time the two of you opened a bank account for him and that the signatories will be you and him. This will prevent a repeat of what happened. If it's an interest-bearing account, it will earn money while it's there instead of sitting idle with "Miss Piggy."

MoneyTeensMarriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting
life

Handy Advice and Tips Help Girls Sharpen Social Skills

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 13th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I enjoy reading your column, especially letters regarding young girls and their social skills. I have two granddaughters who have the normal drama, mostly with other girls. I worry their social skills are getting sidetracked.

I am interested in ordering your booklet about popularity. You have such a good way with words, and I'm sure the girls would find it helpful and enjoyable reading. They are the only grandchildren I have, and I'm trying to give them insight and help them along to become fully functional, successful adults. Is it still available? -- LINDA IN TERRE HAUTE, IND.

DEAR LINDA: Yes, the booklet is still available. It was written in response to thousands of questions from readers over the years who were not naturally socially assertive and contains many useful tips for polishing social skills. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. You will find the booklet covers a variety of situations and is meant for people of all ages. Everyone wants to be the kind of person others find interesting, attractive and worth knowing better. (If parents, teachers and clergy know someone needing help in this regard, it might make an inexpensive gift that could help change the course of that person's life.)

The key to being well-liked by both sexes is: Be kind. Be honest. Be tactful. Don't be afraid to give someone a compliment if you think it's deserved.

If you think you're not beautiful (or handsome), be well-groomed, tastefully dressed, conscious of your posture. (People who stand tall project self-confidence.) If you are not a "brain," try harder. If you are smarter than most, don't be a know-it-all. Ask others what they think and encourage them to share their opinions.

If you're not a good athlete, be a good sport. Be generous with kind words and affectionate gestures, but respect yourself and your family values always. If you think "putting out" will make someone like you, forget it. (It won't work, and later you'll be glad you didn't.) If you need help, ask God. And if you don't need anything, thank God!

Etiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

Writer Needs Way to Drown Out Noise So She Can Think

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 13th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My husband refuses to wear headphones. This means that when we sit in the living room together, I must put up with the blaring noise of whatever he is watching.

I do a lot of writing, and in order to think, I need silence. I have tried earplugs, but they don't muffle enough of the noise. Now, when I have had enough, I leave the room. This results in us being in two separate places, which he hates. Is there another solution I may be overlooking? -- LOUD IN MAINE

DEAR LOUD: You might try noise-canceling headphones. However, if that doesn't work, because you need to "hear" in your head the sentences you are trying to write, you may have to do your writing when your husband is not at home.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Wife Treated Like a Queen Longs for Simple Snuggling

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 12th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I recently got married to a wonderful man who is 19 years younger than I am. He's the love of my life. The problem is, he sleeps totally on one side of the bed and isn't affectionate at night except when we are making love. Then he is amazing -- affectionate, sensitive, and very attentive and kind.

He says his mother was very cold toward him, and he was reared by his grandparents, who loved him, but were not "touchy-feely." He treats me like a queen, Abby. Should I just forget about it and be content sleeping un-hugged and un-held all night? -- ON MY SIDE IN MARYLAND

DEAR ON YOUR SIDE: No, you should talk to your husband and explain what your needs are. Although the sex is wonderful, many people -- of both sexes, by the way -- need to feel the warmth of human contact. Because he treats you like a queen, tell him you need more, and perhaps he will make more of an effort on your side of the bed and outside the bedroom.

Sex & GenderMarriage & Divorce
life

Wine Lovers Bristle at Impertinent Questions When They Stock Up at the Store

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 12th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I enjoy drinking wine. Because of our busy schedule, we often stock up when there is a sale for the sake of convenience. I cannot tell you how many times the cashier at the grocery or discount store will comment, "Are you having a party?" or "Boy, you sure do drink a lot of wine." As a customer, I find this both rude and embarrassing. Do you have any advice on how to respond to let them know that I find this to be poor customer service? -- SHY WINE LOVER

DEAR SHY: Cashiers in retail businesses are on the front lines of public relations. It's important to keep in mind that when they make conversation, they are trying to be friendly. Because you are buying alcohol in quantity, it's not unusual for someone to think you are having a party, and the question isn't rude. All you have to do is say no.

However, if the clerk comments about the amount of wine he or she assumes you are consuming, you are perfectly within your rights to tell that person the comment is inappropriate and, frankly, offensive.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Friendship Turns to Love -- Should the Truth Be Told?

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 12th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have developed romantic feelings toward a close friend. They are affecting my ability to be a good friend to her. If I say something, I risk losing someone I am very close to, but if I don't, I may continue to push her away. I have been stuck in limbo for a while. What would you do? -- A FRIEND IN LOVE

DEAR FRIEND: The friendship as it stands must be painful for you. Keeping silent will only prolong those feelings. It's time to tell your friend how you feel. You will never know if your feelings are reciprocated unless you do. However, if they aren't, it might be healthier for you to move on so you can find someone who is able to return your feelings.

Friends & NeighborsLove & Dating

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