DEAR ABBY: I am a 65-year-old woman, attractive and lonely. I am uncomfortable using dating sites because I have genital herpes. I was infected by my first husband more than 40 years ago.

If I were to meet someone on one of those sites, when would be the right time to reveal my problem? After we have gotten to know each other? Or should I be up front about it and say something when we first meet? I am, naturally, afraid of condemnation and/or contempt. -- UNSURE IN NEW YORK

DEAR UNSURE: Herpes is an infection, not a scarlet letter. Many people carry the virus, and a surprising number of them are not aware they have it and can infect others. In fact, according to the American Sexual Health Association, one in six individuals in the United States between the ages of 14 and 49 has genital herpes (HSV-2).

Because you are hesitant about when to reveal your status, please visit the ASHA website (ashasexualhealth.org). You will find it informative. It includes a section on relationships, suggestions about when to tell someone, how to talk to a partner, reactions to expect, etc.

Another website that has been mentioned in my column before is H-Date.com. It offers a free dating service through which thousands of men and women meet. Many nice, eligible people -- people just like you -- have herpes and live full, happy lives. I hope you will check it out.

DEAR ABBY: I recently moved to a new area of my state. I like the environment, the cost of living, etc., but there's one problem I don't know how to address. The people here share far too much information with strangers in everyday conversation. I think there should be some boundaries and limits on what is said in public.

While I was waiting to ask a salesclerk a question, the person ahead of me in line described her entire medical history in detail. She went on and on and on. There are times I can't get through a store without someone asking me question after question. They just look for that opening and start throwing questions at me! I believe in being polite, so I have reached the point of just nodding my head or responding with a yes or no most of the time. It's really off-putting. A lot of these people need to back off. -- NEEDS BOUNDARIES IN THE SOUTH

DEAR NEEDS BOUNDARIES: Many people ask questions as a way to start a conversation because they are interested in you or are lonely. Because you consider their questions invasive and you need boundaries, you will have to set them. A way to do that would be to tell the questioner that the query is a personal one, and you prefer not to share that kind of information with strangers.

DEAR ABBY: My parents are in their 80s. Both are of sound mind and body. However, they never saved for their retirement and never talked to a financial adviser to help them make financial decisions. Dad receives a pension, but upon his death, Mom will receive nothing. This is the way they set it up years ago. They own their home, and that's about it for their assets.

Mom has told me several times they should be in our will instead of others we have chosen. My husband and I have saved for our retirement with our employers over the years. Because my parents haven't done it, we don't feel it is our responsibility to provide for their old age. Should we contact our financial adviser, who will get a chuckle out of this? -- NOT OUR FINANCIAL PROBLEM

DEAR NOT YOUR PROBLEM: Your financial adviser may, indeed, get a chuckle out of it -- but it's not funny. The idea that you should put your aged parents in your will is far-fetched. The odds of your predeceasing them are not promising. The next time your mother suggests it, point out that if Dad dies, the house will have to be sold so that she is provided for. If she dies first, he should be fine financially.

DEAR ABBY: My husband had a heart attack last year, and since then he has become extremely volatile. He explodes for no reason and threatens me. He does not want me to talk about it to his doctor, and he's scaring me regularly. I don't know what to do. I think it may have to do with all the medications he's taking, but I'm not "allowed" to talk to the doctor. He is moody and making me fearful. Help. -- SCARED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SCARED: Obviously, something isn't right. Call the doctor anyway. If the doctor refuses to talk with you, write him a letter about the changes in your husband's behavior, his explosive temper and your concern that it might be medication-related. If, after that, nothing changes, talk with a licensed mental health professional about what has been going on.

If you feel you are in danger, call 911. You should not have to live in fear, and if this isn't resolved, you may have to leave the marriage for your own safety.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living in my current home for eight years and frequently receive letters addressed to previous occupants, including medical bills and notifications from the DMV. (I don't open them; the envelopes have return addresses.) How long am I obligated to stick the letter back in the mailbox with "Return to sender"? I'm getting the impression the former occupants use this false address to avoid paying their bills. It makes me feel dirty and complicit when their mail comes to me. -- COMPLICIT IN MARYLAND

DEAR COMPLICIT: Why are you jumping to the conclusion that what's happening is nefarious? The former occupants may have forgotten to turn in or renew their change of address notice, or change the address on their driver's license. Stop feeling guilty for something that really has nothing to do with you. The next time one of those envelopes arrives, instead of writing, "Return to sender," write: "Not at this address."

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I go away once a year and leave our two toddlers with family. This year, their aunt couldn't watch them, so we asked his cousin "Renee," who we have always liked, to watch them. She agreed, and we paid her $150 for the weekend. We also bought food she liked and stocked the cupboards with foods the kids eat. We knew Renee was having difficulty because her husband just lost his job, and they are about to be homeless (not because of his job loss). We explained the kids' routine and left.

When we got back, she yelled at us for taking longer than expected to get home (due to circumstances out of our control) and stormed out. We realized after she left that almost all the food we had bought for her and our kids was unopened. The packs of diapers were also unopened, and a lot of their clothes were stiff from urine. The next day, when his dad gave him his breakfast, our 2-year-old started wailing and ate twice as much as normal.

We are at a loss as to why Renee neglected our kids, since she always seemed like a great mom to her own. My boyfriend is extremely angry and struggling with guilt. I just want to tell his cousin off and never speak to her again. Your thoughts? -- FURIOUS OUT WEST

DEAR FURIOUS: I don't blame you and your boyfriend for feeling as you do. But I don't think telling his cousin off and never speaking to her again would get you the answers you deserve. There must be a reason why your children's needs were neglected.

You say her children seem to be fine. Before writing her off, take a closer look at her children, because this may be how they are being treated, too. And if that's the case, the family, and possibly child protective services, should be made aware of it.

DEAR ABBY: Lately, I've noticed something curious with responses to the question, "What time?" when setting a date. When people offer to do something for me, I'll ask, "What time would be best?" Rather than answer, they go on to ask me 12 different questions, and we get nowhere. I just want them to choose a time! If it's not good for us, I'll tell them.

Personally, I feel if they're doing us a favor, they get to choose the time. It's incredibly frustrating being stuck in a game of, "Well, what time is good for you?" back and forth for five minutes. I just want an answer. Then I can make it work or offer another suggestion if need be. I never had this problem before, but now it's happening fairly often, particularly with women over 40. Is there another way I should handle this? -- SCHEDULING IN SPOKANE

DEAR SCHEDULING: These people may be trying to be considerate by asking the questions they do. When the back-and-forth starts, all you have to say is, "Tell me when you'll be here and we'll be ready," and I'm sure they will comply.