DEAR ABBY: A large portion of conversation in our home has been replaced with the time my wife spends on her cellphone. Not that she is talking on it. It's games and Facebook that absorb hours of her time.

We used to spend evenings working on special projects together, but that is the exception now and no longer the rule. If I ask a question or make a comment, she answers, but we sit mostly in silence.

Must I accept this as the new norm that seems to have swept up everyone and wait for her to tire of this activity? I have gently mentioned my dismay, but when I did she became defensive and said it is her time. Do you have any advice on how to cope with this? -- MATTERING LESS IN MISSOURI

DEAR MATTERING: Facebook and gaming can be so absorbing that when members sign on for "just a minute," the next thing they know, two hours have flown by. I say this because it has happened to me.

Discuss this again with your wife, and this time tell her you miss the closeness you had when the two of you could share activities and that you are lonely. If she doesn't realize that it is a red flag, the two of you may need professional mediation to reach a compromise, such as a scheduled date night.

If that doesn't satisfy you, look for projects or hobbies you can share with other people with similar interests. You are not alone in having this problem. Taking evening classes might solve it in the short term.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man. My boyfriend, "James," and I have been together for nine years with a few time-outs. I'm 59; he's 57. In many ways we have a great relationship and care deeply for each other. Our problem? We are in the same field of employment but work for different companies. He works full-time in a highly stressful position, while I work 20 hours a week and have a great time doing it.

James earns twice what I do. I have no money put away for retirement because I don't earn enough to save. James doesn't like it. He wants someone who is his equal in saving money.

Obviously, our story isn't as simple as it sounds. His therapist supports his feelings. Mine says: "In 2008, when everyone lost their pensions, you didn't see a bunch of people filing for divorce, did you? There are more important things than money."

I don't know what to do. I want to grow old with James. -- MONEY WOES IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR MONEY: You two need a different kind of mediation than two shrinks and an advice columnist. From where I sit, you would benefit from consulting a financial planner who can help you figure out if there's a way to put away some money for a rainy day. If you include James when you do, it might also give him some insight.

DEAR ABBY: I think my stepdaughter "Caroline" has an unhealthy relationship with my husband. Caroline calls him several times a day and gets tattoos just like his. When she got a boob job, she wanted to show him. She doesn't talk to me much, although I have tried to be close to her.

Caroline knows I don't approve of the way she gets money. She has a job at a local store, but wants things she can't afford, so she sleeps with men for money. Her dad seems fine with it.

They seem to have a closeness that he doesn't share with me. We are fine until she gets involved. She does things to keep her dad doing things for her so he doesn't have time for me. What should I do? I've talked to him about this, but he thinks I'm crazy. -- DISGUSTED STEPMOM IN GEORGIA

DEAR STEPMOM: You are not crazy. Your husband and his daughter have a relationship it would be an understatement to call "inappropriate."

Caroline appears to be unusually emotionally dependent upon her father. That she would show him her newly acquired "boobs" may seem strange, but it's not shocking to me. Many women who get implants show them off to anyone who will look until the novelty wears off.

What I do find appalling is a father who would approve of his daughter prostituting herself. What does Caroline's mother think of all this? If she's living, she must be beside herself. If she's dead, she must be spinning in her grave.

Frankly, I'm not sure what you should "do." If it were me, I'd remove myself from the equation.

DEAR ABBY: Can you be stalked by your spouse? My husband checks my phone for messages, checks the mileage in my car, opens all the mail and listens in on all my phone conversations. If I'm late from work, I call to let him know, but he returns my call to make sure I am where I said I was.

He accuses strange cars that drive down our street of belonging to my boyfriends. He even went into the exam room with me while I was having a physical. The doctor asked him to leave for my privacy.

He says this shows his "concern" for me. I'm being smothered. Please help. -- STALKED BY SPOUSE

DEAR STALKED: What your husband is doing is not a demonstration of concern for you. All the checking and accusations that there are other men in your life are symptoms of his insatiable insecurity and his need to possess and control you.

His behavior is not normal. He is sick, and he could possibly be dangerous. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline and talk to a counselor. The toll-free phone number is 800-799-7233. You may need to create an escape plan, and someone there can help you do it.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half. In the beginning, he kept his family and me apart. I thought it was because they were extremely close, but turns out he was doing me a favor given their inappropriate and cruel treatment of one another.

At my boyfriend's birthday lunch, his father called his mother the worst possible word anyone could call a female. My boyfriend and his sisters didn't seem fazed by his verbal abuse. I worry his parents' toxic and unloving relationship is something he will eventually settle for in life. Is it possible for children not to emulate their parents' example, or should I move on? -- NOT IN THE FAMILY

DEAR NOT IN THE FAMILY: Children do not automatically follow the abysmal patterns set by their parents. However, if you and this man are serious and you are contemplating a future with him, I strongly recommend that before formalizing your relationship, you seek premarital counseling together to avoid any unpleasant surprises.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question about nail-biting/finger chewing. We recently hired a new employee who is in daily contact with the public. He is a finger chewer, and his nails are bitten well below the finger tip. I am struggling with this because I had a childhood friend who chewed her fingers to the point of bleeding, and I have a strong negative reaction when I see people do it.

When, if ever, is it appropriate to speak to someone about this bad habit? I have recently learned that it is actually a medical diagnosis and can lead to gastric disorders. We all know there are many germs on our hands, and every time you put them in your mouth, you're transferring them to your intestinal tract. -- WORRIED IN THE EAST

DEAR WORRIED: I have heard of very few nail-biters who are proud of the habit. There's a saying -- not original -- that if you want someone to avoid you, just tell him something "for his own good." If you want a pleasant working relationship with this person, mind your own business and do not attempt to "help" him by offering unasked-for advice.

DEAR ABBY: I'm usually well-spoken and articulate with family and close friends. But when talking to strangers or potential employers, I tend to choke up and make no sense at all. I become anxious and forget what I want to say. Do you have any ideas why this happens? -- TALKER IN THE WEST

DEAR TALKER: It may happen because you suffer from a form of social anxiety -- one shared by many people. Fortunately, there's help for it if you consult a mental health professional. Because it is interfering with employment opportunities, you shouldn't wait.