DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half. In the beginning, he kept his family and me apart. I thought it was because they were extremely close, but turns out he was doing me a favor given their inappropriate and cruel treatment of one another.

At my boyfriend's birthday lunch, his father called his mother the worst possible word anyone could call a female. My boyfriend and his sisters didn't seem fazed by his verbal abuse. I worry his parents' toxic and unloving relationship is something he will eventually settle for in life. Is it possible for children not to emulate their parents' example, or should I move on? -- NOT IN THE FAMILY

DEAR NOT IN THE FAMILY: Children do not automatically follow the abysmal patterns set by their parents. However, if you and this man are serious and you are contemplating a future with him, I strongly recommend that before formalizing your relationship, you seek premarital counseling together to avoid any unpleasant surprises.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question about nail-biting/finger chewing. We recently hired a new employee who is in daily contact with the public. He is a finger chewer, and his nails are bitten well below the finger tip. I am struggling with this because I had a childhood friend who chewed her fingers to the point of bleeding, and I have a strong negative reaction when I see people do it.

When, if ever, is it appropriate to speak to someone about this bad habit? I have recently learned that it is actually a medical diagnosis and can lead to gastric disorders. We all know there are many germs on our hands, and every time you put them in your mouth, you're transferring them to your intestinal tract. -- WORRIED IN THE EAST

DEAR WORRIED: I have heard of very few nail-biters who are proud of the habit. There's a saying -- not original -- that if you want someone to avoid you, just tell him something "for his own good." If you want a pleasant working relationship with this person, mind your own business and do not attempt to "help" him by offering unasked-for advice.

DEAR ABBY: I'm usually well-spoken and articulate with family and close friends. But when talking to strangers or potential employers, I tend to choke up and make no sense at all. I become anxious and forget what I want to say. Do you have any ideas why this happens? -- TALKER IN THE WEST

DEAR TALKER: It may happen because you suffer from a form of social anxiety -- one shared by many people. Fortunately, there's help for it if you consult a mental health professional. Because it is interfering with employment opportunities, you shouldn't wait.

DEAR ABBY: I am a recovering drug addict. I have slipped, as many do, but I have been clean for four years now. The problem is my family. If I look tired, trip over my own two feet (I'm clumsy) or just don't want to be around people, I get questioned, yelled at, accused, etc.

Abby, they do random drug screens at my job. I have passed every one, and I have made amends for my past wrongdoings. But the last time I was accused, after trying to express my feelings calmly, I exploded and vented my frustration. Now my family won't have anything to do with me.

Truth be told, since the breakup, I have experienced a boost in self-esteem, but I miss them. I have apologized, but they still won't talk to me.

How many times must I swallow their accusations? They say I'm in the wrong. Is it wrong that I've had enough? Should I keep apologizing or leave it be? Shouldn't they be proud that I've stayed clean? Please help. -- FED UP IN TEXAS

DEAR FED UP: They should be, but apparently they aren't and haven't trusted your sobriety, which is why they couldn't let your period of addiction go. Because you have apologized and your apologies haven't been accepted, it is time to look forward, form new relationships and move on. I think that would be a healthier path to take than continuing to beg forgiveness from relatives who are unwilling to give it and would rather punish you. Don't you?

DEAR ABBY: I have a sister who laughs after everything she says (it doesn't matter the topic). She stayed at my house for four nights and it drove me insane. I figured I could put up with it for four days, which I did, but it wasn't easy. I didn't say anything at the time for fear of hurting her feelings and/or possibly ruining her short vacation.

In addition, our main form of communication is texting (which she does often), and I swear she can put five or six LOLs in every text. I know she thinks she's funny, but she doesn't have to tell me with every sentence. This may seem like a petty thing to gripe about, but it is very irritating. (By the way, she's not funny.) Thoughts, Abby? -- SOURPUSS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SOURPUSS: Your sister's laughter may be more a nervous habit than an attempt at humor, so I'm glad you held your tongue. However, if all those LOLs in her texts are a distraction, you're perfectly within your rights to tell her so, and it shouldn't cause hurt feelings.

DEAR ABBY: I don't understand the new trend of asking wedding attendees to pay for the honeymoon. I'm especially put off by a couple entering second marriages for both of them. "Dick" and "Jane" are both established in well-paying careers. They are not only asking people to pay for their airfare, but also to donate cash for shopping sprees. This seems presumptuous to me. What do you think? -- INSULTED NON-ATTENDEE

DEAR I.N.A.: I agree! What you received wasn't a wedding invitation; it was a solicitation and should be regarded as such.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married five years and have two children under 3. I grew up in a large Italian-American family; my husband did not. He doesn't understand the closeness I have with my family. To him, "family" is just the four of us.

He doesn't comprehend the need for my family to get together all the time and feels that during holidays it should only be us. When they are just trying to help us out, he thinks my family is overbearing.

My husband travels a lot for work and gets upset if my family shows up to help out while he's away. Any time the topic of family comes up, we have an argument. He doesn't believe in divorce and refuses to go to counseling. It is causing a strain in our marriage, and I don't know what to do. Please help. -- BETWEEN A ROCK AND A FAMILY

DEAR BETWEEN: You obviously married someone with very different values than your own. Your husband's attitude seems unusually controlling. That he would object if your family comes around in his absence is troubling, because it appears he is deliberately trying to isolate you.

That he refuses to get counseling doesn't mean you shouldn't avail yourself of it. It may help you to arrive at a compromise that will satisfy both of you. However, if it doesn't, you may have some important decisions to make about your future, and counseling can help you do that with a clear head. Then, whether or not your husband believes in divorce will be less important than what you think.

DEAR ABBY: I have been taking tap dance lessons for the last five years. It's a class of adults with a broad range of age and experience, which is part of what makes it so much fun. We put on a couple of shows and recitals a year.

I have an issue with a fellow student, and it bothers me to the point that I'm thinking of dropping out. "Marguerite" is a ham. She adds lots of extra flourishes, head snaps, jumps and kicks that aren't in the choreography. She mugs shamelessly for the crowd, and it comes across as more burlesque than tap.

We have spoken to our instructor twice about it, but Marguerite is worse than ever. I hate to quit an activity I love, but I'm embarrassed by Marguerite. It's disheartening to dance the routine as we've been taught, only to be upstaged by this woman's antics. I don't fault her for her stage presence. I do have trouble with her over-the-top hamminess. I just wanted to dance, not compete for the limelight. Am I being petty? -- BROADWAY BABY IN TEXAS

DEAR BROADWAY BABY: I don't think you're being petty. And if others in the class agree with you, get them together and talk to your instructor about it again. Nobody likes being upstaged, and if Marguerite can't be convinced to conform her style to the rest of the troupe, then perhaps you all might be happier if she danced a solo.