DEAR ABBY: I am a recovering drug addict. I have slipped, as many do, but I have been clean for four years now. The problem is my family. If I look tired, trip over my own two feet (I'm clumsy) or just don't want to be around people, I get questioned, yelled at, accused, etc.

Abby, they do random drug screens at my job. I have passed every one, and I have made amends for my past wrongdoings. But the last time I was accused, after trying to express my feelings calmly, I exploded and vented my frustration. Now my family won't have anything to do with me.

Truth be told, since the breakup, I have experienced a boost in self-esteem, but I miss them. I have apologized, but they still won't talk to me.

How many times must I swallow their accusations? They say I'm in the wrong. Is it wrong that I've had enough? Should I keep apologizing or leave it be? Shouldn't they be proud that I've stayed clean? Please help. -- FED UP IN TEXAS

DEAR FED UP: They should be, but apparently they aren't and haven't trusted your sobriety, which is why they couldn't let your period of addiction go. Because you have apologized and your apologies haven't been accepted, it is time to look forward, form new relationships and move on. I think that would be a healthier path to take than continuing to beg forgiveness from relatives who are unwilling to give it and would rather punish you. Don't you?

DEAR ABBY: I have a sister who laughs after everything she says (it doesn't matter the topic). She stayed at my house for four nights and it drove me insane. I figured I could put up with it for four days, which I did, but it wasn't easy. I didn't say anything at the time for fear of hurting her feelings and/or possibly ruining her short vacation.

In addition, our main form of communication is texting (which she does often), and I swear she can put five or six LOLs in every text. I know she thinks she's funny, but she doesn't have to tell me with every sentence. This may seem like a petty thing to gripe about, but it is very irritating. (By the way, she's not funny.) Thoughts, Abby? -- SOURPUSS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SOURPUSS: Your sister's laughter may be more a nervous habit than an attempt at humor, so I'm glad you held your tongue. However, if all those LOLs in her texts are a distraction, you're perfectly within your rights to tell her so, and it shouldn't cause hurt feelings.

DEAR ABBY: I don't understand the new trend of asking wedding attendees to pay for the honeymoon. I'm especially put off by a couple entering second marriages for both of them. "Dick" and "Jane" are both established in well-paying careers. They are not only asking people to pay for their airfare, but also to donate cash for shopping sprees. This seems presumptuous to me. What do you think? -- INSULTED NON-ATTENDEE

DEAR I.N.A.: I agree! What you received wasn't a wedding invitation; it was a solicitation and should be regarded as such.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married five years and have two children under 3. I grew up in a large Italian-American family; my husband did not. He doesn't understand the closeness I have with my family. To him, "family" is just the four of us.

He doesn't comprehend the need for my family to get together all the time and feels that during holidays it should only be us. When they are just trying to help us out, he thinks my family is overbearing.

My husband travels a lot for work and gets upset if my family shows up to help out while he's away. Any time the topic of family comes up, we have an argument. He doesn't believe in divorce and refuses to go to counseling. It is causing a strain in our marriage, and I don't know what to do. Please help. -- BETWEEN A ROCK AND A FAMILY

DEAR BETWEEN: You obviously married someone with very different values than your own. Your husband's attitude seems unusually controlling. That he would object if your family comes around in his absence is troubling, because it appears he is deliberately trying to isolate you.

That he refuses to get counseling doesn't mean you shouldn't avail yourself of it. It may help you to arrive at a compromise that will satisfy both of you. However, if it doesn't, you may have some important decisions to make about your future, and counseling can help you do that with a clear head. Then, whether or not your husband believes in divorce will be less important than what you think.

DEAR ABBY: I have been taking tap dance lessons for the last five years. It's a class of adults with a broad range of age and experience, which is part of what makes it so much fun. We put on a couple of shows and recitals a year.

I have an issue with a fellow student, and it bothers me to the point that I'm thinking of dropping out. "Marguerite" is a ham. She adds lots of extra flourishes, head snaps, jumps and kicks that aren't in the choreography. She mugs shamelessly for the crowd, and it comes across as more burlesque than tap.

We have spoken to our instructor twice about it, but Marguerite is worse than ever. I hate to quit an activity I love, but I'm embarrassed by Marguerite. It's disheartening to dance the routine as we've been taught, only to be upstaged by this woman's antics. I don't fault her for her stage presence. I do have trouble with her over-the-top hamminess. I just wanted to dance, not compete for the limelight. Am I being petty? -- BROADWAY BABY IN TEXAS

DEAR BROADWAY BABY: I don't think you're being petty. And if others in the class agree with you, get them together and talk to your instructor about it again. Nobody likes being upstaged, and if Marguerite can't be convinced to conform her style to the rest of the troupe, then perhaps you all might be happier if she danced a solo.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 14, starting my freshman year in high school and, of course, will be joining lots of clubs to prepare for college.

My best friend is gay, and when I asked her if she wanted to join any clubs together, she suggested the Gay-Straight Alliance club. As a saved Christian, I am unsure how to answer.

I believe Christians should treat homosexuals with kindness and respect. I believe also in same-sex marriage because of the legal protection it gives a couple. I respect my friend's decision, and I'm happy she's happy with her life. My family doesn't know how to respond either, though they have similar beliefs.

I am afraid if my church found out, they would dislike me for joining, as well as question where I really stand as a Christian. I feel conflicted about how to address both sides of my beliefs. Can you help? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR CAUGHT: I, too, believe that Christians (and people of all faiths) should treat each other with kindness and respect, regardless of their sexual orientation. But somewhere you got the impression that sexual orientation is a choice. It isn't. Your friend's orientation was determined before she was born, just as yours was.

Wanting to support your friend by joining a Gay-Straight Alliance is a commendable thing to do, and it follows the Golden Rule. I can't see how a church that preaches love would object to that.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old college graduate who has been unable to find a full-time teaching job, so I'm working as a teaching assistant. My salary is less than average, and between rent, bills and student loans, I am stretched more than thin.

Recently, a woman has been talking to me about nannying for her child after school. She'd like to hire me and have me meet her child in person, and we agreed on an hourly rate. I was excited about the opportunity and looking forward to starting.

This week she told me she wants to report my work for her on her taxes, which means I'll have to report as a freelancer and pay estimated quarterly taxes while I work for her. Abby, this is unheard of in the baby-sitting world! I have been baby-sitting from my preteens all the way through college, and never once have taxes ever been part of the conversation.

My mother says I shouldn't be upset because the woman is doing what she's supposed to as far as the IRS is concerned, but I feel shortchanged. Shouldn't she have been upfront about her intentions when we discussed my hourly rate? Am I wrong for asking her for more money per hour to make up for some of the taxes? -- AFTER-SCHOOL NANNY

DEAR NANNY: William R. Turner, CPA, says your mother is correct. Your prospective employer is obeying the law. She wants you to meet her child, negotiate an hourly rate and hire you as a nanny, not as a baby sitter. Your new employer should have you fill out a form W-4 and pay you as an employee. Because payroll deductions will be taken out of your gross pay by your new employer, you should negotiate your hourly rate accordingly.