DEAR ABBY: I've been trying to declutter and get rid of things, but each time I do, my mother scolds me for getting rid of sentimental items and sends them back to my room. There are clothes that haven't fit me for years, old trinkets, even gift boxes she won't let me dispose of or donate. I would just take care of it myself, but she works from home and analyzes my every move.

Additionally, I've discovered that she has several dozen boxes filled to the brim with every childhood toy and article of clothing I ever had. She intends to pass them on to me when I give birth to kids "in the next four years." I'm only 19! Even if I were older, the idea that I'll be expected to take on all these possessions is a major deterrent to my ever having children. How do I tell her that enough is enough, and it's time for things to go? -- CLUTTERED COLLEGE STUDENT IN WYOMING

DEAR CLUTTERED: That your mother would set a deadline by which she expects you to have children is not only premature but, frankly, over the top. No one should decide that for you. (What would she do with your old clothes if you gave birth only to sons?)

You appear to have an unusually controlling mother. She may be sentimental about your things, or she may be a hoarder. By the age of 19, you should be mature enough to decide whether to keep items you no longer use. Tell your mom that you want to donate the items to people who actually need them. If that doesn't sway her, suggest she store your unwanted things in her space because you need to declutter yours. If she refuses, then it may be time to consider making other living arrangements.

DEAR ABBY: We are one of three couples who dine together at least once a week. We and one other couple are retired and on a fixed income. The third couple is also retired, but own many properties and have no money concerns. We like their company, but the wife is peculiar. She often hands strangers $50 bills when we're at a restaurant, simply because she thinks they are "nice" or on a first date, etc.

The other night we all had dinner together. When the server asked what she would like to drink, she inquired about how much the iced tea cost, and then said, "I'll just have water!" Then she asked the server to bring her a bunch of lemons, squeezed them into her water and added sugar! We were so embarrassed we wanted to crawl under the table. How should we handle this behavior in the future? -- FRUSTRATED IN THE DESERT

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Because the woman's behavior makes you uncomfortable, perhaps you should dine with the couple less often. What she did by making her own lemonade should have had no effect on you because it was a reflection only on her. However, when someone is with friends who are on a fixed income and hands out $50 bills to perfect strangers -- assuming "Lady Bountiful" hasn't slipped a few cogs -- the natural assumption is that she's grandstanding. And that kind of behavior is rude and inconsiderate.

DEAR ABBY: I need your advice. I am 41 years old and was adopted at birth. I was raised by an unloving woman who was emotionally, verbally and physically abusive. I persevered, worked hard, and now have a loving husband and a beautiful son. We live a comfortable and peaceful life.

My adoptive mother, on the other hand, expects me to hand her financial support every month and pay for her extravagant lifestyle. She did not save for herself, as I was her "investment." She doesn't ask, Abby; she demands. She believes that if not for her "taking me away from the slums as a child," I wouldn't be where I am in life now.

The financial burden she has guilted me into is putting a strain on my marriage and our plans to save for a stable future. I am depressed beyond words. It doesn't help that I still carry resentment for having been severely mistreated as a child.

Her words are vile whenever she doesn't get "her" money, and she couldn't care less about me or my son. I have no love for her. But I do feel for her in her old age. Please help. What should I do? -- STRAINED RELATIONSHIP IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STRAINED RELATIONSHIP: Here's what to do. Realize that when good parents adopt a baby, they do it not because of what that baby will do for them, but for what they can give to that child. Then tell your abuser the gravy train has stopped, she won't be getting another penny and cut off all communication.

You do not "owe" her anything, so do not allow yourself to be bullied or guilted into being her ATM machine. If you feel the urge to waver, take my advice and spend the money on a licensed psychotherapist who will help you understand that your adoptive mother does not have the ethical or moral right to anything more from you than you have already given.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 6-year-old daughter and a 3-year-old son who have no modesty at all. I don't make a big deal about private parts. They sometimes bathe together and will jump in the shower with me or my husband. Because of this, they'll get into our pool or hot tub naked if there isn't a swimsuit around. Our backyard is completely private. No one can see in, so I have no problem with it.

However, when my in-laws are in town, they are appalled and turn it into a big deal. Then my husband freaks out, scolds the kids and makes them put their clothes on.

First of all, they are our children and we are raising them. Second, if my husband didn't want them swimming or running around the house naked, then the kids should have been told before their grandparents arrived. I would understand that if the kids were older, it might be inappropriate, but they are still so young.

Am I too laid-back, or are my in-laws too uptight and we should just let the kids be kids and have fun? -- UNASHAMED IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNASHAMED: You are not too laid-back, and your in-laws may not be too uptight. The difference in your attitudes regarding nudity may be a result of the generation gap. I do think it's hypocritical of your husband to reprimand the children for doing something that's usually acceptable, because it sends a confusing message. He should explain to the kids that when "company" comes, they will need to cover up so they don't make the guests uncomfortable.

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws live in an apartment above our garage. It wasn't my idea. It was a compromise with my husband.

They now want to move Grandma into a trailer in our backyard! I am totally against it, and have voiced my opinion loudly.

My husband is stressed out and isn't capable of saying no to his parents. I have a feeling they are going to move forward with this plan regardless of my objections. I feel completely disrespected in my own home. Any advice? -- DISRESPECTED IN OHIO

DEAR DISRESPECTED: You have a right to be respected in your home. If you don't want it turned into a "family compound," that's your prerogative. Put your foot down and tell your husband that his parents living there was all the compromise you are willing to make. If he can't summon the strength to tell his parents "NO!" then you will have to do it for him. If that doesn't put a stop to it, ask a respected friend or religious adviser to mediate.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I endured months of trying and multiple trips to a specialist before we finally conceived our daughter. My due date was Dec. 23, and I worried throughout my pregnancy that she would be born on Christmas Day. Lo and behold, on Christmas Eve I went into labor and our precious baby girl joined us early Christmas morning.

Looking back now, I wouldn't change a thing. I know it's silly to worry because we have a happy, healthy baby girl and feel very blessed and lucky. But how can I respond to people -- strangers included -- when they say how "sad" it is that my daughter was born on Christmas and that she will get stiffed on presents, and maybe I should have timed my pregnancy better? -- BLESSED IN NEW YORK

DEAR BLESSED: If anyone is so insensitive as to imply that you should have timed your pregnancy differently, perhaps you could put them in their place by responding that you feel lucky to have gotten pregnant at all. Then tell them you wouldn't change a thing because being born on Christmas Day puts her in good company.

And as to her being "stiffed" when it comes to receiving presents, consider doing what other parents have done: Choose a date in June and celebrate her half-birthday.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man. My friend "Brian" and I have known each other for 10 years. We dated for a while, but realized we are better off as friends. We have lived together for the past several years and are now considering getting married because my job has better benefits. My question is, is a marriage of convenience legal? -- GOING TO THE CHAPEL?

DEAR GOING: Marriages of convenience have been happening since the institution of marriage was invented. That said, however, this is a question you should address to a lawyer to make sure that if you decide to marry Brian, you'll be going to the chapel instead of going to the hoosegow for insurance fraud.