DEAR ABBY: I need your advice. I am 41 years old and was adopted at birth. I was raised by an unloving woman who was emotionally, verbally and physically abusive. I persevered, worked hard, and now have a loving husband and a beautiful son. We live a comfortable and peaceful life.

My adoptive mother, on the other hand, expects me to hand her financial support every month and pay for her extravagant lifestyle. She did not save for herself, as I was her "investment." She doesn't ask, Abby; she demands. She believes that if not for her "taking me away from the slums as a child," I wouldn't be where I am in life now.

The financial burden she has guilted me into is putting a strain on my marriage and our plans to save for a stable future. I am depressed beyond words. It doesn't help that I still carry resentment for having been severely mistreated as a child.

Her words are vile whenever she doesn't get "her" money, and she couldn't care less about me or my son. I have no love for her. But I do feel for her in her old age. Please help. What should I do? -- STRAINED RELATIONSHIP IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STRAINED RELATIONSHIP: Here's what to do. Realize that when good parents adopt a baby, they do it not because of what that baby will do for them, but for what they can give to that child. Then tell your abuser the gravy train has stopped, she won't be getting another penny and cut off all communication.

You do not "owe" her anything, so do not allow yourself to be bullied or guilted into being her ATM machine. If you feel the urge to waver, take my advice and spend the money on a licensed psychotherapist who will help you understand that your adoptive mother does not have the ethical or moral right to anything more from you than you have already given.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 6-year-old daughter and a 3-year-old son who have no modesty at all. I don't make a big deal about private parts. They sometimes bathe together and will jump in the shower with me or my husband. Because of this, they'll get into our pool or hot tub naked if there isn't a swimsuit around. Our backyard is completely private. No one can see in, so I have no problem with it.

However, when my in-laws are in town, they are appalled and turn it into a big deal. Then my husband freaks out, scolds the kids and makes them put their clothes on.

First of all, they are our children and we are raising them. Second, if my husband didn't want them swimming or running around the house naked, then the kids should have been told before their grandparents arrived. I would understand that if the kids were older, it might be inappropriate, but they are still so young.

Am I too laid-back, or are my in-laws too uptight and we should just let the kids be kids and have fun? -- UNASHAMED IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNASHAMED: You are not too laid-back, and your in-laws may not be too uptight. The difference in your attitudes regarding nudity may be a result of the generation gap. I do think it's hypocritical of your husband to reprimand the children for doing something that's usually acceptable, because it sends a confusing message. He should explain to the kids that when "company" comes, they will need to cover up so they don't make the guests uncomfortable.

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws live in an apartment above our garage. It wasn't my idea. It was a compromise with my husband.

They now want to move Grandma into a trailer in our backyard! I am totally against it, and have voiced my opinion loudly.

My husband is stressed out and isn't capable of saying no to his parents. I have a feeling they are going to move forward with this plan regardless of my objections. I feel completely disrespected in my own home. Any advice? -- DISRESPECTED IN OHIO

DEAR DISRESPECTED: You have a right to be respected in your home. If you don't want it turned into a "family compound," that's your prerogative. Put your foot down and tell your husband that his parents living there was all the compromise you are willing to make. If he can't summon the strength to tell his parents "NO!" then you will have to do it for him. If that doesn't put a stop to it, ask a respected friend or religious adviser to mediate.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I endured months of trying and multiple trips to a specialist before we finally conceived our daughter. My due date was Dec. 23, and I worried throughout my pregnancy that she would be born on Christmas Day. Lo and behold, on Christmas Eve I went into labor and our precious baby girl joined us early Christmas morning.

Looking back now, I wouldn't change a thing. I know it's silly to worry because we have a happy, healthy baby girl and feel very blessed and lucky. But how can I respond to people -- strangers included -- when they say how "sad" it is that my daughter was born on Christmas and that she will get stiffed on presents, and maybe I should have timed my pregnancy better? -- BLESSED IN NEW YORK

DEAR BLESSED: If anyone is so insensitive as to imply that you should have timed your pregnancy differently, perhaps you could put them in their place by responding that you feel lucky to have gotten pregnant at all. Then tell them you wouldn't change a thing because being born on Christmas Day puts her in good company.

And as to her being "stiffed" when it comes to receiving presents, consider doing what other parents have done: Choose a date in June and celebrate her half-birthday.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man. My friend "Brian" and I have known each other for 10 years. We dated for a while, but realized we are better off as friends. We have lived together for the past several years and are now considering getting married because my job has better benefits. My question is, is a marriage of convenience legal? -- GOING TO THE CHAPEL?

DEAR GOING: Marriages of convenience have been happening since the institution of marriage was invented. That said, however, this is a question you should address to a lawyer to make sure that if you decide to marry Brian, you'll be going to the chapel instead of going to the hoosegow for insurance fraud.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have been together for four years. We live together. Recently, I was talking to him about mental health and the benefits of therapy, which I firmly support. He said he thinks it's a waste of time. When I asked why, he replied that it hadn't worked for him. I asked what he meant by that (I wasn't aware that he had ever even been in therapy), and he said he went when he was 12 or 13.

After that, he clammed up. He wouldn't discuss why he went or share any details at all. Normally, we can talk about anything. I feel like if it hadn't been important, he wouldn't have reacted that way.

Since then, I have been feeling distant from him because of this. I'm not angry, and I don't want to force him to tell me anything, but as his future wife, I'm concerned that he would keep his past from me.

I would like for him to at least open up about the basics. I want us to be close, but I don't want to invade his privacy or make him feel disrespected. Should I try and forget that he said anything at all? -- TORN IN GEORGIA

DEAR TORN: No, just wait a few weeks before you ask him why he reacted the way he did. By then he may be better able to articulate it. You should be aware before you marry him of what the issue was, particularly if it involved depression or molestation.

DEAR ABBY: Earlier this year, my stepmother made it a goal to lose weight. So far she has made no changes in her diet to help her accomplish that goal. She eats lots of fatty foods, uses lots of salt and eats almost no fruits or vegetables.

I feel Dad enables her because he does nothing to encourage her to eat healthier. He, on the other hand, eats very healthy -- almost the opposite of what she does. He rarely eats anything fatty and uses salt sparingly. He also eats fruits and vegetables every day.

My stepmother's weight is an issue. She has several health problems that would improve greatly if she lost weight. I would like to say something to her about her diet, but don't know how without offending her. I know she would take it personally, and it would make our relationship difficult. What should I do in this situation? -- IT'S A WEIGHTY ISSUE

DEAR WEIGHTY ISSUE: I think the best approach would be to talk about this with your father. Tell your dad you are concerned because your stepmother's weight problem is affecting her health and suggest they consult a licensed nutritionist (RDN) about "tweaking" her diet to help her to reach her goal. Because the topic is sensitive, it would be better if he broached the subject with his wife rather than you. While he's at it, he could also suggest some light exercise activity to start her moving.

DEAR ABBY: How do you tell a well-dressed, sophisticated woman that she has a booger or a hair hanging out of her nose? I have encountered this problem more than once, and I am embarrassed for them. -- BARB IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BARB: If you are in a group, take the woman aside and give her the news privately. While she may be embarrassed, I'm sure she would also be grateful that you cared enough to clue her in. (The same goes for someone trailing toilet paper on her shoe, or worse, down the back of her pants.)