DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have been together for four years. We live together. Recently, I was talking to him about mental health and the benefits of therapy, which I firmly support. He said he thinks it's a waste of time. When I asked why, he replied that it hadn't worked for him. I asked what he meant by that (I wasn't aware that he had ever even been in therapy), and he said he went when he was 12 or 13.

After that, he clammed up. He wouldn't discuss why he went or share any details at all. Normally, we can talk about anything. I feel like if it hadn't been important, he wouldn't have reacted that way.

Since then, I have been feeling distant from him because of this. I'm not angry, and I don't want to force him to tell me anything, but as his future wife, I'm concerned that he would keep his past from me.

I would like for him to at least open up about the basics. I want us to be close, but I don't want to invade his privacy or make him feel disrespected. Should I try and forget that he said anything at all? -- TORN IN GEORGIA

DEAR TORN: No, just wait a few weeks before you ask him why he reacted the way he did. By then he may be better able to articulate it. You should be aware before you marry him of what the issue was, particularly if it involved depression or molestation.

DEAR ABBY: Earlier this year, my stepmother made it a goal to lose weight. So far she has made no changes in her diet to help her accomplish that goal. She eats lots of fatty foods, uses lots of salt and eats almost no fruits or vegetables.

I feel Dad enables her because he does nothing to encourage her to eat healthier. He, on the other hand, eats very healthy -- almost the opposite of what she does. He rarely eats anything fatty and uses salt sparingly. He also eats fruits and vegetables every day.

My stepmother's weight is an issue. She has several health problems that would improve greatly if she lost weight. I would like to say something to her about her diet, but don't know how without offending her. I know she would take it personally, and it would make our relationship difficult. What should I do in this situation? -- IT'S A WEIGHTY ISSUE

DEAR WEIGHTY ISSUE: I think the best approach would be to talk about this with your father. Tell your dad you are concerned because your stepmother's weight problem is affecting her health and suggest they consult a licensed nutritionist (RDN) about "tweaking" her diet to help her to reach her goal. Because the topic is sensitive, it would be better if he broached the subject with his wife rather than you. While he's at it, he could also suggest some light exercise activity to start her moving.

DEAR ABBY: How do you tell a well-dressed, sophisticated woman that she has a booger or a hair hanging out of her nose? I have encountered this problem more than once, and I am embarrassed for them. -- BARB IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BARB: If you are in a group, take the woman aside and give her the news privately. While she may be embarrassed, I'm sure she would also be grateful that you cared enough to clue her in. (The same goes for someone trailing toilet paper on her shoe, or worse, down the back of her pants.)

DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I were dating, he told me that he'd had a consensual sexual relationship with his cousin, "Irma." He said they were in their early 20s and very immature. They parted ways because they both knew it was wrong, and Irma moved to another state. He told me so one day I wouldn't be blindsided should we ever be married.

Well, we got married, and this cousin has kept her distance until recently. Irma has now started to attend their family events. We live too far away to go, but I dread the day when we do and she's there. Should I act like I don't know what went on before I was in the picture? Nobody in his family knows this ever happened between them.

I have told my husband it makes me very uncomfortable and that it almost seems she attends hoping to run into him. Why else would she? I would be very ashamed of having done this and would continue to keep my distance.

My husband says I have nothing to worry about because Irma means nothing to him. What do I do if I run into this woman at one of these family gatherings? -- NOT HAPPY IN THE USA

DEAR NOT HAPPY: I know it may be uncomfortable, but when your paths finally cross, be polite. You don't have to do anything but exchange the basic social amenities, and spend your time socializing with the other relatives.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a middle-aged, single woman. My 76-year-old father lives with me. We get along well and the arrangement works fine, except for one problem. He never washes his hands after going to the bathroom. To make matters worse, he does most of the cooking, and he often goes right from the bathroom straight into the kitchen.

I know that if I comment on his lack of hygiene, he will get angry and defensive. How do I get him to be sanitary at his age? -- HUNGRY NO MORE

DEAR HUNGRY NO MORE: I don't blame you for having lost your appetite. After reading your letter, mine is gone, too.

You say your father lives with you and not the reverse. In your home, you get to make the rules. If this makes your father "defensive and angry," so be it.

There's a reason employees of restaurants are required to wash their hands after using the bathroom. It's to prevent the spread of disease. It may mean watching your father like a hawk, but you will have to enforce this. And if at all possible, do the cooking yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I like this girl "Jayne" who I work with that I wouldn't mind dating. Problem is, her mother also works there and has sent out signals that she "likes" me, too. So how do I get Jayne without breaking her mother's heart or creating waves at work for me? -- TROUBLE IN ALBANY, N.Y.

DEAR TROUBLE: Workplace romances are strongly discouraged because if they end -- and most do -- it could be a recipe for disaster. Your situation sounds like double-trouble. If I were you, I'd find a job where there is less electricity in the air.

DEAR READERS: Today's column is a continuation of yesterday's about the importance of gun safety and parents feeling confident enough to raise the subject with other parents. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a physician and the mother of four curious, intelligent, energetic boys. My primary job as a mom is to keep them healthy, love them and educate them.

I grew up in a small, conservative, gun-friendly community. My grandfather was a hunter. My friends growing up all owned guns at young ages. Many of them today own guns for hunting or because they are first responders. I don't fear the gun. I fear the person who doesn't respect its power enough to properly secure it.

As parents, we have an obligation to ask parents where our child will be spending time: "Do you have a gun in your home? Yes? How is it stored?" What we should be doing is coaching each other how to ask politely without giving offense. What words do you use? I practiced asking because I think the subject is touchy, but it does get easier with practice. (It took me a long time to learn to do it well.)

Abby, please encourage your readers to think about it and share their experiences and best advice. Over the years, I've developed a multitude of openings that allow me to go from funny to sincere quickly. The ultimate question, however, never varies:

1. "You know, I'm so sorry to be 'that' mom, but since we don't know each other well, I need to ask you about a safety issue. Please understand that my question isn't a judgment -- just something I need to ask. Do you keep guns in your home, and if so, how do you secure them?"

2. "This may be me just being overprotective, but the news lately has me fearful, so I have to ask. Do you keep guns in the house, and if so, how do you secure them?"

3. "I love how well our boys play together! It's fun to see their energy have an outlet. But I have a question before their playdate at your house. It's one that always makes me a little uncomfortable, so please forgive me if this seems forward. Do you keep guns on the premises, and if so, how do you secure them?"

This is simple information-gathering so I can make an informed decision for my kids. I write this because I want all parents to feel empowered to ask these questions, and because I know that my asking prompted at least two moms to re-evaluate and change the way they stored guns in their own homes. -- KEMIA SARRAF, MD, MPH

DEAR DR. SARRAF: Thank you for taking the time to write, and for providing a road map for other concerned parents to follow.

DEAR ABBY: All of the major national health organizations, including the American Academy of Pediatrics, have defined gun violence as a public health epidemic. The protocol for health care providers is to teach parents to ask about guns when children are going to another home to visit. Please educate your readers that asking is critical. This is a public health issue, not a political one! -- LISA KISER, CNM, WHNP