DEAR ABBY: I am concerned about my niece. She's 18 and a senior in high school. Her father -- my younger brother -- is incarcerated and has been for 13 years.

Our families have been alienated, but I'm trying to reach out to my niece. Although she has been hesitant to get close, we've had a couple of face-to-face visits during the past year. She is needy for family, and I know her mother has been overwhelmed having had to raise her on her own.

Long story short, my niece has been dating -- for the second time -- a man her father's age. She lives a few hours away, so most of what I see is on social media. I don't understand how this man thinks it's OK. My niece looks like she's only 13. It makes me cringe, yet I feel this isn't my business or within my power to change. You can tell me this is none of my business and I should just walk away, but my niece is vulnerable and I'm worried about her. -- WORRIED AUNT IN TEXAS

DEAR WORRIED AUNT: Your niece may be vulnerable in your opinion, but she is also 18. She may have father issues that need to be ironed out, but considering the man has been absent since she was 5, that's not surprising.

I agree that this isn't within your power to change. My advice is to be there for her when she will allow it, be as supportive as you can, resist the urge to try to fill a parental role and do a lot of listening.

DEAR ABBY: I am 64. When I was an insecure 15-year-old, I liked showing off for my two best friends. We often made fun of other kids behind their backs. With them, my smart mouth got me the attention I craved.

One day I slipped up and whispered something too loudly. The girl heard what I said about her, and the stricken look on her face told me how much it hurt.

I looked for her at our 20th reunion wanting to apologize, but she was absent. I wish I could take back what I said, but I can't. However, I have spent the last 49 years trying to be kind to others to make up for it.

If there are people who read your column who remember a stinging remark that was aimed at them, please let them know that some of us regret it very much. I hope they find forgiveness so they can be free of bitterness and hurt. I am truly sorry. -- MISS SMART MOUTH IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR MISS SMART MOUTH: I'm glad you wrote because I'm sure more than one reader has been the target of unkind remarks at one time or another, and even may have made a few themselves. An apology to your classmate was definitely in order, even if 20 years late. Too bad the woman wasn't around to hear it.

I'll share something with you a trial lawyer once told me. He said, "You can't unring the bell." What he meant by it was that a judge can instruct a jury to "disregard that statement," but once something is out there, it's very hard to erase from memory. The context may be different, but it applies to relationships, too.

DEAR ABBY: My husband works full-time, and when he gets home, and also on weekends, he's "exhausted" and needs to relax. He's in bed by 8 every night, and on the weekends, if we don't have something planned, he lies in bed all day napping and watching TV.

However, when he realizes he has a weekend day free (meaning I'm taking our 6-year-old daughter someplace he doesn't need to be), he all of a sudden "finds" the energy to make golf plans, go on outings with friends, etc. If I make plans to hire a baby sitter and it's just us going out, he has the energy and looks forward to it. It's as if he is happiest when he doesn't have to be with our child.

He does give her some attention, but it's just in spurts, and then he's off again to watch TV. I'm tired of asking him to make plans with her or spend time with her. I feel like a nag for something I feel he should want to do. Any advice? -- LIKE A SINGLE PARENT IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR SINGLE PARENT: You married a man who may have no clue how to be a parent and doesn't know how to relate to a little girl. Children aren't stupid. They know when someone enjoys them and when someone doesn't.

The effect of his lack of interest will have an impact on how your daughter feels about herself when she's older. She will ask herself why her father acts the way he does and blame herself for it. (Aren't I smart enough? Aren't I pretty enough?)

Consider going with your husband to a psychologist who can provide him with some insight -- as well as suggestions -- about how to better relate to his daughter, because it isn't too late to make some changes that could benefit both of them.

DEAR ABBY: I need some outside advice. I just found out that my mother has breast cancer. That is hard enough, but I also found out that she has known for the last 18 months and decided to not take any measures to fight it.

My sisters say we should respect her decision and give her as much support as we can, but I can't help but want to push her to fight this. She said she doesn't want the pain of surgery and possibly chemotherapy. I need someone to help me understand what to do. Please. -- NEEDS SOME HELP IN TEXAS

DEAR NEEDS SOME HELP: I don't know at what stage your mother's cancer was at the time of her diagnosis and whether she got a second opinion and counseling. After 18 months of not being treated, I also don't know at what stage it may be now. It may have been too late then -- or it may be too late now.

If she made her decision under the assumption that there would be no pain if she skipped the surgery/chemo, she was incorrect. There is pain either way, although with heavy medication it may be controlled.

I do think you should support her decision and make the best of the time you have together. Your sisters are right -- she will need your support as her disease progresses. My heart goes out to all of you. Please accept my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I come from a large family. We are not wealthy but always loved dressing our children up for holidays. Because the outfits were expensive, as our children outgrew them, we passed them on to my sister-in-law.

When my youngest daughter was born, I asked her about the dresses, and she informed me they were not her style so she had given them away. I was heartbroken, but I never said anything.

My older daughter is not a practicing Catholic, and my younger daughter is not having children at all. I saved their christening gowns, but they don't want them. I would love to pass them on to another family member so they can be used instead of sitting in a trunk, but I don't want them to leave the family or be sold. Is it OK to put stipulations on something you are passing on? -- UNSURE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR UNSURE: You can stipulate whatever you like, but there is no guarantee that the garments will remain in the family. Once a gift is given, it becomes the property of the recipient to keep or dispose of.

DEAR ABBY: If someone did something "nice" for you, but it turned out to cause such a hassle that you didn't appreciate the gesture, how do you politely tell the person not to do it again, or that you wish they hadn't?

An example: Someone gives you a box of chocolates or cupcakes when you are trying to lose weight. Or, the baby sitter folds all the clothes that were sitting in the laundry basket, but puts everything away in the wrong drawers. (And you didn't ask her to fold the laundry in the first place.) -- DON'T DO IT AGAIN

DEAR DON'T: Here's how. Thank the person for the thoughtful gesture and explain that you are watching your diet, cannot have candy and won't be able to for the foreseeable future. If the person is someone who cares about you and is not a saboteur, he or she won't tempt you again without asking first.

As for your baby sitter, while you thank her for trying to help you by folding and putting away your laundry, explain that this isn't something anyone can do for you because you have your own way of doing it, and please not to do it again.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing this to relieve a heavy burden I have carried for many years. I'm 16 and have had a crush on this girl since I was 9. I fell in love with her the first time I saw her, and have never gotten over it.

I have always had a problem expressing my feelings. I have been very shy from the day I was born. Now that I'm older, I have more confidence and have lost most of my shyness. What should I do after years of barely talking to her? -- NOT SO SHY ANYMORE

DEAR NOT SO SHY ANYMORE: Now that you have more confidence, start talking to her. You don't have to declare your love in the first conversation, but her reaction will tell you if she wants to have some sort of relationship with you, even if it's only friendship -- and that's an auspicious beginning.