DEAR ABBY: My best friend is getting married next year and I am supposed to be the maid of honor. I am Jewish, and she scheduled her wedding on the first day of Passover. This also means her rehearsal dinner will be during my family's first Seder.

How do I explain to her that for the first time in my life, she has broken my heart? It seems her family doesn't understand that Jewish holidays are as important as theirs. She is asking me to choose between my beliefs, my family and our friendship.

What do I say to her, or should I just decline to be in her wedding? With 52 weekends in a year, I feel like she could have found another day. -- BROKENHEARTED IN BOSTON

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Your friend was under no obligation to time her wedding date to avoid conflicting with your religious ritual. If you are wise, you will put aside the temptation to lay a guilt trip on her. Explain that you will be unable to be part of her wedding party the same way you explained it to me. Because you are strictly observant, you should make clear to her why this religious observance takes precedence over her wedding.

DEAR ABBY: As my children have grown older, I have regarded myself as matriarch of the family, giving advice and help where I think it's needed. Lately, though, I'm afraid my relationship with them may have taken a turn for the worse. I can't seem to stop criticizing.

Recently they sat down with me and told me they dread coming to visit, are sick of my "mother-in-law" treatment of their spouses and collectively wish I'd check my tongue. I meant well, but my kids are right. The problem is, I'm afraid I can't stop. Trying to hold my opinions back leaves me anxious and depressed.

My family is pretty normal, and I don't want to alienate anyone. But I am having difficulty dialing back these habits and don't know where to turn. -- CRITICAL MATRIARCH IN UTAH

DEAR MATRIARCH: When the urge to criticize becomes overwhelming, bite your tongue or leave the room. The only exception would be if you see an impending disaster.

I'll share with you some advice my mother gave me years ago: The most unwelcome advice in the world is that which is unasked for. Take it to heart and your relationship with your adult children and their spouses may improve.

DEAR ABBY: I'm planning to travel to another state in September and trying to save up for the plane ticket. The issue is, I'm going during my birthday. I'd like my family to help me with the cost of the trip, even if it's only $5 to $10, instead of buying me gifts. How do I go about telling them that, instead of gifts, I'd prefer money without sounding ungrateful or pushy? I just would really like help paying for my trip. -- FAMILY HELP

DEAR FAMILY HELP: Because you would prefer cash to tangible gifts, a way to approach this would be to confide your preference in your mother or another close relative and let that person spread the word. Good luck!

DEAR ABBY: I'm a mother of three beautiful little girls. I'm nervous about having to talk with my oldest about puberty and sex. She's turning 10, and I know I need to start explaining certain things to her, but I have no idea how. My mother never sat me down and talked to me about anything, really, so my mom would not be of much help. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated. -- MINNESOTA MOM OF THREE

DEAR MOM: You can spare your daughter a frightening experience when her first period arrives if you start talking to her now, before it happens. Start the conversation by making the message positive -- that she will "become a woman" soon and tell her what to expect. Show her what to do in case you are not there and what supplies she will need to take care of herself. That's step one.

A short time later, ask her what she knows about reproduction. Because reproduction is taught in some schools, she may surprise you by how much she already knows. If she doesn't, start talking to her about how her body works and your family values. It is important that parents also talk to their children about drugs and alcohol well before they start to experiment. My booklet "What Every Teen Should Know" covers sexuality as well as other topics, including dating, peer pressure, sexually transmitted diseases, drugs and alcohol. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Order it for yourself and review it before starting your discussions with your daughter. My Teen booklet has been distributed in doctors' offices as well as by educators and religious leaders. The more information you can provide your daughters, the better prepared those girls will be to make informed choices in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I've been with my girlfriend for seven years and, for the most part, our sex life is great. However, we've had disagreements when I suggested ways to spice it up.

I proposed costume/role play where she would dress up as an elf or other fantasy genre character. She hates the idea (and elves) and suggested lingerie (which I have bought for her in the past, but gets worn once or twice before being thrown away). I don't think my suggestion is outrageous compared to some of the letters I've seen in your column over the years. Am I wrong for thinking she's being closed-minded? -- COSPLAY CURIOUS IN CALGARY

DEAR "COS": It strikes me that your girlfriend may be more clothes-minded than closed-minded. It's a fact of life that some people are more sexually adventurous than others. Because she finds the idea of dressing as an elf unappealing, choose another fantasy figure you can agree upon.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I went on a trip with his brother and his wife recently. Three days into the trip, while we were having dinner at a restaurant, my sister-in-law yelled at me, "Shut up! You talk too much!" I was stunned. Then my husband said, "I agree with her." Words cannot express how surprised and hurt I felt.

I do sometimes talk a lot when I'm excited, but no one has ever said this to me, certainly not my husband. The next day I felt very angry, especially at my husband for siding with her against me in public. I asked him to please tell me when we are alone if he has a problem with something I said or did, rather than embarrass me. I feel betrayed and angry. What should I do? -- ANGRY AND HURT

DEAR ANGRY AND HURT: Your feelings are justified. Your sister-in-law may have been frustrated at your verbosity, but she should not have attacked you at the dinner table. Her "helpful criticism" should have been offered privately and in gentler terms. The same is true about your husband, who should not have ganged up on you. What he did was hurtful, not helpful. Both of them owe you an apology.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I had a party. A very good friend of mine came with her 4-year-old daughter, "Emma." It grew late and my friend wanted to stay for a while, so we put Emma in our bed to sleep (the guest room was unavailable).

After going upstairs to get Emma later in the evening, my friend came downstairs with Emma and told us that the child had wet our bed. Not wanting to make Emma feel bad, we said it was no problem.

My friend did not strip the bed, offer to wash the sheets, or anything. She hasn't mentioned it since, and didn't follow up to make sure we were able to get the urine out of our bedding and the mattress. I find this to be incredibly rude and inconsiderate, but at the same time, what's done is done and there was no lasting damage. Should I say something to my friend, or let it go? -- ACCIDENT IN THE BEDROOM

DEAR ACCIDENT: Let it go. You should have spoken up about your true feelings when the accident happened. In the future, consider purchasing a moisture-resistant mattress cover for your bed and the one in the guest room in case of "accidents." It may reduce the "ick" factor if you're squeamish.

DEAR ABBY: I have gone to my hairdresser, "Adrianna," for regular haircuts -- nothing fancy -- for about three years. However, I've heard about another shop nearby that gives haircuts for half the price, and they seem to do a good job. Would it be disloyal of me to leave my current hairdresser? -- HALF THE PRICE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HALF THE PRICE: Adrianna would probably feel that way, but you are free to give it a try. However, I'll offer one caveat before you do: People usually get what they pay for, so don't burn any bridges.