DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old son will be entering 10th grade. He has been a member of the school band since sixth grade. After performing in last year's Christmas parade, a group of the students went to a nursing home to perform for the residents. When we arrived, I started to get out of the car with my son so I could listen, as other parents were doing. My son seemed surprised that I was going to stay and said he would rather I didn't because I make him nervous. Needless to say, I was devastated.

Now, whenever there's a concert, festival, parade or football game, I stay away, although I love to listen and watch the band play. When I don't attend, I feel hurt all over again. I'm his mother. I'm at a loss as to why I make him nervous, because I have always given him positive feedback regarding any performance. Should I respect his wishes and stay away, or go because it is what makes me happy? -- MISSING THE SHOW IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MISSING THE SHOW: Have you asked your son why your presence makes him nervous when he performs? His answer might be enlightening. It could be something as simple as the fact that you are his mother. Sometimes teens become self-conscious simply because a parent is present, which may be the case with your son. That said, if you wish to attend his performances, I think you should, if you can do it unobtrusively, preferably out of his line of sight, and refrain from giving him feedback.

DEAR ABBY: Life has me worn out. I have accomplished more than I ever thought I could (considering my upbringing), traveled as much as I wanted, always strived to be a good husband and father, a good employer, a loyal volunteer, a supportive friend and good neighbor. I have done so many different things during my life that at this point, the thrill is gone.

At 56, I am tired of working, tired of travel, bored with my hobbies and sick of dealing with most people in general. I'm relaxed and laugh easily and have good relationships, but nothing excites me anymore. Honestly, if the Grim Reaper tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Pack your bags; tomorrow's the day," I'd just shrug and ask, "What time?"

I have been to the doctor. He said I'm depressed, but I don't feel depressed. I think the meds he put me on made me depressed! I went to a couple of therapists who told me I don't need therapy; I just need to find a new "spark." So what's a person to do? Must I keep wallowing through the days waiting for the end? Am I the only person who feels this way? -- WALLOWING IN THE NORTH

DEAR WALLOWING: You are not the only person who feels this way, and NO, you don't have to keep "wallowing." It appears you are experiencing a plain old-fashioned midlife crisis. Contact the psychologist with whom you felt the most connection -- or search for another one until you do -- and discuss what you are experiencing in those terms, because you need more help than I -- or anyone -- can give you in a letter.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my late 20s and have a male companion who is 30-plus years older than I am. We were together for a while, then stopped so we could both try to find someone closer to our ages. Neither of us did, and we recently started seeing each other again.

Although we are good for each other and compatible in many ways, we are realistic that our relationship isn't long-term for major reasons. (I want children; he's happy with grandchildren. He wants to travel after retirement; I'm just starting my career.) We live for the moment and don't dwell too much on the future.

My problem is, this time I'm really falling in love with him. Last time, I was reluctant to become emotional because I was afraid of getting hurt. But this time, I am all in. Can any good come of this? We meet each other's relationship needs in the here and now, but is the end just heartbreak? -- LOVING FOR THE MOMENT

DEAR LOVING: It's time for you to start compiling a list of the pros and cons of this romance. You and this man are at different stages of life and have very different goals. If you really want to have a family and a career, you will have to sacrifice something for it, and that "something" may be devoting much more time to this man. Sorry, but something's gotta give.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, my husband and I were walking down the sidewalk in our neighborhood and came across $160 in cash strewn all over the ground. We picked it up, and as we were doing so, our neighbor came outside. We knew her husband had just gotten home, and the money was near his car, so we asked if it might be his. We handed her the cash and told her to let us know.

Two weeks have gone by and no one has claimed it. Our neighbor still has it in her possession, and has mentioned in passing that we should spend it on toys for our kids or food/drinks at the next get-together.

While I think these are OK ideas, I'm a little bitter because my husband and I found the money, and I feel we should be the ones who get to keep it if no one comes forward to claim it. I don't want to damage the friendship we have with our neighbors, but I feel like we're losing a bit. What do you think? -- FINDERS KEEPERS

DEAR FINDERS KEEPERS: I think that before handing over the money, you should have had your neighbor ask her husband if he had lost any and how much. Because you didn't do that and they have the cash, perhaps you should "remind" her that "per her suggestion," you would love to spend some of it on toys for your kids, and ask for some or all of it back. If she's a good neighbor, she'll agree. If not, you will have learned an expensive lesson.

DEAR ABBY: I have a good friend I always invite to attend parties and events. She invariably RSVPs accepting the invitation, but never shows up or explains her absence. This has been going on for years and it hurts my feelings. Do I have to keep inviting her? -- COLORADO HOSTESS

DEAR HOSTESS: Allow me to offer you some insight: The woman's behavior is extremely rude. "Good friends" do not treat each other this way. If you're asking my permission to scratch her off your guest list, you have it.

DEAR ABBY: My wife recently started a new yoga class she really likes. But I made the mistake of telling her that the instructor and I had dated briefly (had sex) when we were around 15. I am 50 now and my wife is 45. I was a promiscuous drunk when I was in high school and college. I have been sober now for 28 years, and we have been together for 22 years. I have not been with another woman since I met my wife.

Abby, she treats this situation as if I cheated on her yesterday, and this was 35 years ago! Also, after she recognized my wife's last name, the yoga instructor told my wife that I broke her heart back then. Help! -- HEARTBREAKER

DEAR HEARTBREAKER: You have gotten your life in order, and the yoga instructor appears to be doing well. That she's 50 and in good enough shape to be teaching yoga says a lot for her flexibility. Clearly, neither you nor your old high school classmate has been trying to slip anything past your wife. If she really feels threatened because of your long-past relationship with her teacher, she should roll up her mat and find another class.

DEAR ABBY: We have a lovely granddaughter who is about to be married to an excellent young man. She is sweet, kind, smart, hardworking, just out of college and everything you would want in a granddaughter. However, we are deeply concerned about her wedding, which will have a Wiccan theme, and they are both planning to change to a last name with Wiccan significance.

Although I'm not positive, I'm pretty sure she doesn't actually follow this religion, but rather regards it as an entertaining idea. As a Christian, I'm uncomfortable with the theme. Our only choices are to go and make the best of it, or to stay home and have everyone think we are narrow-minded old fuddy-duddies. What should we do? -- CHALLENGED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CHALLENGED: I'm glad you asked. Go, make the best of it, and refrain from making judgments about your lovely, high-achieving granddaughter's decision about her wedding. Her choice of wedding theme may or may not be a lark. However, if it isn't, Wicca is a peaceful religion. Wiccans do not practice black magic. She will still be the same lovely girl after the wedding as she was before.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law didn't get me a card or even wish me Happy Mother's Day on my very first one. We got together to celebrate, so I don't think she forgot. I thought we had a pretty good relationship, but now I'm not so sure.

Is there a nice way to ask her why she didn't get me a card or even say, "Happy Mother's Day"? I'd like to be able to apologize if she's harboring a grudge for some reason. -- NEW MOM IN TENNESSEE

DEAR NEW MOM: Sometimes it's not what you say, but the way you say it that can create tension. I suggest that when you approach your MIL about this, you do it with a smile and say, "I was surprised when you didn't wish me a Happy Mother's Day. Why was that?" Then listen.