life

College Student Living at Home Is Ready to Fly After Graduation

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 2nd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am 21 and about to graduate from college. I have lived at home these last four years partly because my dad didn't want me to go away. He never said it, but he made up reasons to make me stay at home. I was 17 and being manipulated and controlled. I tried to explain to him that I wanted to go away to learn independence, but he said I wasn't mature enough.

Now that I am about to graduate, I have been offered a job with a company in California. I am afraid to tell my parents about the news. I know that it's my life, but my father is a master of psychological manipulation. I want to finally get away from my parents' strict controlling and financial strings and start a stress-free life of my own. How do I explain this without them manipulating me all over again? -- SOON TO BE A COLLEGE GRADUATE

DEAR GRADUATE: First, make up your mind that you are leaving. When you tell them, be sure to say how grateful you are for the love and support they have given you, but that you have been offered a job in the field for which you have studied and are now well-prepared enough to fly on your own.

Set a date to leave and do not allow yourself to be dissuaded, whether because of a guilt trip or any other manipulation. I'm not saying it will be emotionally easy, but for your own sake, you must do it.

Family & ParentingWork & School
life

Daughter Still Looking for Mr. Right Should Ask for Advice From Friends

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 2nd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have a single daughter in her early 30s. She's active in her church, goes out with friends and spends time with family. She's very attractive and has a wonderful personality.

Her siblings, cousins and friends are all married and most of them have children. She wants her own family and has tried the usual dating sites, but never gets any results.

I try to keep her spirits up. Her happiness is most important to me, not her marital status. How can I help her? I don't want to keep telling her the right one will come along when she wants a boyfriend now. -- SINGLE GIRL'S MOM IN GEORGIA

DEAR MOM: Your daughter should start by asking her siblings, cousins and friends why they think she's still single when she wants so much to be married. Could the solution be something as simple as tweaking her profile? It may be that she needs to expand her interests and activities so she'll be out in the community more than she is.

If her friends and co-workers aren't already aware, she should ask if they know someone nice who's unattached. Who knows? One of them might have a cousin. Professional organizations having to do with her field of employment can also be fertile ground for prospecting.

People who are visible and passionate about the activities they're involved in attract positive attention, which increases the likelihood of meeting someone eligible, or meeting someone who knows someone. When all is said and done, finding Mr. Right is usually a matter of luck and timing.

Love & DatingFamily & Parenting
life

Husband Doesn't Share Wife's Dreams of Seeing the World

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 1st, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'll be retiring next year. My husband is already retired. When I do, I want to travel in the U.S. and internationally. We are healthy, able to travel and we have the funds to do it.

The problem is, my husband isn't crazy about traveling. He'll go if I book it, but he fusses the whole time until we go. It's not like he has to do anything. I do all the booking and packing. All he has to do is show up.

I told him one of my bucket list items was to live in Mexico for a month. Because I hate cold weather, I want to live somewhere warm.

Can you give me some advice on this matter? Help me change his mind about seeing the world before we are no longer able to. Or do you think I need to find a travel companion? -- BUCKET LIST IN VIRGINIA

DEAR B.L.: You may need to do exactly that, and the way to change your husband's mind about travel might be to say it. Not everyone has wanderlust. If he's a confirmed homebody who regards travel as a punishment instead of a privilege, you should not have to suffer for it.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Migraine Sufferer Is Shy About Medicating in Public

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 1st, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My doctor prescribed medication to control my migraines, but I have to take the pills four times a day -- at breakfast, lunch, dinner and bedtime. Although I'm not ashamed, I don't want to have to explain why I am taking the medication because I'm afraid there may be a stigma attached to it. I don't know what to do. If I try to vary the times, I end up forgetting to take a pill. What should I do? -- PRESCRIBED IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR PRESCRIBED: Take the medication on time as instructed by your physician. If you need a reminder, program it into your cellphone. There's no more stigma attached to taking medication to prevent headaches than there is in taking it for any other medical reason. If you prefer not to be questioned about it, excuse yourself and do it in the restroom.

Health & Safety
life

Teen Faces Starting High School Without Her Best Friend

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 1st, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Hi. I have a problem. My best friend is moving away to a different state this summer. School is ending soon. She is my only friend, and I'm currently dating her brother. He's the only boy I like, and she is my only friend. I don't know what to do.

I'll be in ninth grade in a couple of months, which means I'll have to start high school without a best friend or a boyfriend. What should I do? I'll be all alone. -- SAVANNAH IN COLORADO

DEAR SAVANNAH: Not quite! A lot of changes occur when students leave the lower grades and start high school. Even established friendships can change. When school begins, many of your classmates will be in exactly the same position as you. If you are friendly, I'm sure you'll find others who will be open to being friendly to you.

Work & SchoolFriends & NeighborsTeens
life

Age Is No Barrier for Man Long in Love With Neighbor

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 31st, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm 36, doing very well in business, single and deeply in love with a 58-year-old woman. She has been a neighbor since I was in grade school. She's petite, pretty, intelligent, cheerful and looks my age.

My parents moved to Florida when I turned 27, and I bought their home just so I could be near her. On my 33rd birthday, I begged her to cook for me. We had dinner and too much wine and ended up in bed. We don't live together, and she often tells me to find a younger woman. I have tried to gift her a car, jewelry, etc., but she has refused them all.

Our families are against this. I'm going crazy trying to convince her I love her. When I told her I've loved her since middle school, she laughed. My parents say I am insane, though they love her dearly. Am I? Help, please. -- IN LOVE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR IN LOVE: Insane? No. When people are in love, they sometimes think emotionally rather than rationally. The 22-year difference in your ages may be why your parents are calling you insane.

Rather than try to "buy" your neighbor's love with gifts, try to get her to tell you how she does feel about you and about what happened the night she cooked you dinner. If it was only because she had too much to drink, she may be embarrassed that things went as far as they did. If it was because the attraction is mutual, you should explain to her that while it may be unusual, these kinds of relationships can be successful if both parties are mature. Example: The president of France, Emmanuel Macron, and his first lady.

Friends & NeighborsLove & Dating
life

Pet Sitter Is Insulted by Clients Who Try to Wheel and Deal

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 31st, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a full-time pet and livestock sitter. I work seven days a week, including holidays, sometimes for weeks at a time, in clients' homes caring for their animals. I have 40 years of care experience, and I'm recommended by every veterinarian in the area. I have worked very hard to build my reputation, and I charge reasonable prices.

On occasion, a client wants a "deal" and tries to bargain down my already reasonable fee. It is nearly always attorneys (who also look for a reason to be disappointed after the fact, but fail) or extremely wealthy people. I try hard not to show how insulting their request is, especially when someone's front gate costs more than my annual income. Sometimes I'll bend, but then I kick myself for doing it. (I am working hard to quit doing that.)

Why should it cost me money to care for someone else's animals and home? I need a polite, respectful and definite comeback to decline making deals. -- PET SITTER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR PET SITTER: Try this: "I'm the best. My prices are firm. If you're looking for a bargain, hire someone else. Plenty of people will accept what you're offering. But remember, you get what you pay for."

MoneyWork & School
life

Pregnant Bride Puzzles Over What Kind of Shower to Have

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 31st, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: In the midst of planning my wedding, I got pregnant. My family wants to plan for a combination bridal/baby shower, but my mother thinks I should only have a baby shower because I will receive gifts at my wedding. What is your take on this? -- UNSURE IN TEXAS

DEAR UNSURE: I agree with your mother for the reason she gave you. You will need baby things in the near future. Your wedding will effectively be your wedding shower.

Etiquette & EthicsHolidays & Celebrations

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